And giving over this, my journey Lord
I see nothing but Your face
- Christy Nockels, Choose.
This week's Inner Mean Girl Cleanse "Dare" was to face-down our Inner Obligation Queen - to not take on tasks or do things that we really don't want to do. If you do it, do it from love. We were asked by Christine and Amy in the weekly newsletter to 1. Say No and 2. Act from a place of service to what and who is truly important to you.
Sometimes it's something that you really don't have much choice over - perhaps taking care of an elderly parent, or cooking dinner for the kids, or whatever the case may be - the dare is to shift your inner attitude from negative vibes associated with "I have to" or "I should" to the awareness - first that almost everything we have and do stems ultimately from choices we have made, and two, we can shift the negative vibe that goes with obligation to gratitude by realizing most of these obligations are actually a great privilege. Those responsibilities we have, we should offer our actions out of love. So simple, yet so powerful. I LOVE the concept!
I have to be honest - I know a LOT of women struggle with this, but me? Not so much. I usually don't do things I don't want to do, and I truly enjoy most of the things I choose to do. I have always (until recently!) kept my kids in only one activity at a time, so for the most part so neither I nor they wear ourselves into the ground. I like to choose activities I know I can fully commit to, and I am very good with follow-through. If I start a 10-week bible study, you can be pretty sure if I'm in town I will be there every week and I will have done my homework. And I actually love doing things for my kids. I get super busy and don't cook every night but I actually love to cook, and enjoy simple things like making them their lunches for the next day (they may not realize this, but I do!). I like keeping my house clean and tidied up -it gives me pleasure and joy! So I'm a bit odd, what can I say.
Wow! Funny how this happens!! As I'm writing this right now, I literally just realized HOW true it was that I stayed in my 20-month relationship out of obligation rather than truly believing it was the right thing! Wow! Why did I compromise my principle there, when I don't for so many other things? Hmm. Ah-ha moment happening right now!!
But I digress... What I had intended to mention was the one thing that did come up and I did take the Dare head-on. I didn't have my kids this weekend, and as much as I adore my kids and having them around and their fun, boisterous energy, I also really enjoy and cherish my alone weekends. I work, I exercise, I talk with friends, and I rest. So when Sunday came, I felt "I really SHOULD go to church." As soon as I thought "should" I went A-Ha! I realized... No. I. do. not. To be honest, I have been struggling over whether my soul can really worship as well in the church I currently attend. I LOVE the bible studies and programs I'm engaged in there, but the service kind of bores me. I like the music most of the time, but I start looking around the pews at who is there, and not focusing on worshipping. So I may start to church-hop sometimes soon but I decided to stay home this past Sunday. It was very freeing! (But again I have to admit it wasn't the first time I've skipped church).
I did know that I had a bible study I was starting that evening and so would have another way to worship through learning. It's a Beth Moore Living Beyond Yourself (LBY) study that just started this week. I was present when she recorded the series downtown at Lakewood church and she is sooooo amazing and Spirit-filled and she inspires me to be a better person. And the weirdest part is that it was 2003 when I did this study, and that was right before I moved out from my marriage... so it is going to be somewhat poignant for that reason. How far I have come, and how much my Spirit has grown!
It's funny that I blogged just 2 days ago but so many things have already happened since then. I had a fantabulous weekend. Friday my friend Elise and I went to spin class, and then she came over and she made me a vodka sour and we watched the movie CityIsland and talked through half of it! Saturday I had the Inner Mean Girl Reform School Open House telecall - which was awesome and there were some real gems. I'll blog about them in a future post. You can listen on Wednesday (even if you're not signed up for the Cleanse) - it's a 90-minute call at 8pm EST and it's free. If you can't make it at that time still sign up as they'll send you an mp3 of the call if you miss it.
I had a powerful experience yesterday where I felt the overwhelming presence of the Lord, where I had no choice but to fall down on my knees and cry tears of joy. I know it sounds a bit whack to write or read that, and I have to say that this was a new one for me. It was absolutely profound, and there are really no words to describe it, but I will say I have had a real sense of joy in my Spirit over the past few weeks and am feeling alive and excited and spacious about so many things. And then this morning, I was doing my daily LBY bible study workbook, and right in front of my eyes was a lesson that made me realize that something I was so absolutely sure I was right about, I wasn't. What happened, the thing I didn't like at all, it turns out the Lord told me plain as day (though the study) this 'thing' was His will! Cuz God is just cool like that. :) Below is a slideshow Youtube video of the song I was worshipping to at home when the moment happened - may the song bless you as much as it has me!