summer love!

The sunny blue summer sky ... shot while laying out in my backyard.
Copyright (c) 2013 Wendee Nicole

"Step out in faith despite vibrating from fear. Don't go to the grave with cool visions shriveling up and dying inside of you." - Hybels

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you may have seen most of these pictures but since I'm sure most people don't just sit around stalking me all day, I thought I'd share some photos from my summer of love... it has been a great summer so far! I am feeling so grateful in my heart for so many things, and even in the wake of one of the saddest losses and disappointments of my life, I have found a deep sense of peace and contentment (ok, I'll give some props to medication)... but seriously, I really have been so happy for the little things.

I'm hopeful and excited - and quite a bit scared at the same time (hence the Hybels quote) - about my future, but it's fun to study for the GRE and think and dream and plan, and the fact that moving out of Texas is a reality in the next year is exhilarating! I've waited far too long! It's funny because as it gets closer, and I'm doing small things to improve my house, I really am starting to appreciate my house so much.  I have so much space here, and this lovely yard, and I've started to plant flowers in my front flower beds and a hibiscus in my back yard, and I love it! I am having so much fun with it. It's funny, my favorite DJ on the radio - Brant Hansen ("a nerd who loves God") on Air 1 (a national station - check it out!) talked about how if you look at every item in your life like it was the only remaining item after a shipwreck, how much wonder and excitement and appreciation we'd have over that one item... I started to look at some things in that way and it's really kind of cool. So I thought I'd share some photos, in batches. First up are the photos of the flowers I've planted in my yard. Some haven't fared so well but it's fun to try and experiment!

This was from the first batch of flowers I bought: purple coneflower (Echinacea) and Gaillardia. The Gaillardia have died... and the coneflower plants are doing well but they're not flowering anymore. But they're perennial so hopefully they'll root and do even better next spring and summer. I love them and they do really well in the Texas heat.

I love this pic! We've had quite a bit of rain, and a little mushroom fest grew up in the midst of my side flowerbed. The orange cosmos (my absolute favorite so far) are doing fabulous! The white flowers are cool - they only bloom until about mid-day.

This is Sam watering after we first planted the coneflowers and Gaillardia. We had to weed this whole bed out. I'm not a big fan of azaleas, but they've done great for many years so I kept them in the bed.

I am a big fan of the wildflower look and these Cosmos are great. They're annuals, but apparently seed easily so hopefully they'll come back next year. Or I'll just buy more!

I used to have a giant hibiscus in my backyard and it croaked after a hard freeze we had several yers back. I planted a new one, a small one, in the same spot and it's thriving! It has blooms all the time, and I love it!

One day it had three blooms. Lovely!

I bought this cute little Welcome sign too. Those yellow flowers there? They croaked.

This is a shot of the yellower flowers that croaked. Ha. I bought these ones ate Walmart - figures - and they were blooming like mad but quickly died. I thought they were Brown-eyed Susans but I think they were Zinnias because they didn't tolerate the heat and sun at all.

My latest batch of flowers from the local hardware store (their flowers are all locally grown and they've fared much better than the Walmart ones). I don't even know what these are... I should pay better attention! I also bought this super cute bird thingie on the right at 75% off! It was only like $13 (originally 50-something) and (see below) I hung it in my backyard.

Doesn't it look cool hanging on the corner of my house?! I want to put a plant in there.

This looks like a hibiscus but the flowers are way smaller (can't tell from this image) and they hang down so you really can't see the blooms the way you can a hibiscus blooms (this is some tricky photography). They're a type of mallow.

Ha! I am enjoying putting fresh flowers in my bathroom. Can you see me in the window taking the picture? And my "Bohemian" perfume?

Next up...
MY  BIRTHDAY!

For brunch I went out with my kiddos to Cafe DuBois, a little French cafe. They made this cute dessert plate for me after our meal.

It is so nice to hang out with my daughter, even though she gets annoyed with my silliness sometimes! :) I told her, I have to be myself, and that self is silly! I have always been that way!

And then I had an awesome birthday party that evening! I didn't even get photos that night except this one of the cake Elise brought, and the one below of us playing poker later. We had a great time! And no time for pics! :)

I doubled my money playing Texas Hold Em! :) My friend Eileen was a beginner and she won the most! 

My friend Linda made this gorgeous fused glass necklace for me and gave it to me for my birthday! I love it! I love my friends!

Next up... 

A quick trip to AUSTIN!

I brought Sam and his best friend Zack to Austin to look at UT. We only stayed one night but we did a lot of stuff. The first day, we met up with my friend Deb and went to Zilker Park and swam in Barton Springs. It was cold! But once you're in, it's not bad at all, and feels great. I didn't get any photos of that though. But before I get to this photo of Congress Avenue above, we first went to dinner...

Deb and I at dinner (at Shady Grove restaurant), post-swim! She is the producer of the documentary How I Became an Elephant, filmed by my friend Tim Gorski who I met while trekking in Nepal.

Another shot of the Congress Avenue bridge with people lining it, waiting for... the bat emergence! I have written about this before in an article for Texas Parks & Wildlife magazine (Attack of the Killer Fungus), and my ex and I brought Sam here when he turned 5 but he didn't remember it. I was happy the bats were there and he got to see them! We had bets on what time, and I picked one minute before they actually emerged - holla!

And there they go!

The following morning, Sam, Zack and I went on a tour of the UT campus for prospective students. I had gone on one of those yearrrrrs ago when I was a senior in high school. I chose Texas A&M (Lord knows why! I'm so much more inclined to UT! but I woudn't have met my ex, and wouldn't have had my amazing babies! So there ya go. It all works out). Anyway Sam liked the campus.

I liked this Martin Luther King, Jr statue. After the tour, we grabbed lunch with my awesome Texas Parks & Wildlife magazine editor Louie and some others from the magazine at Kerbey Lane Cafe, which was great. Then we headed home. 

And finally, lots of RANDOM GRATITUDE!

“Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ― G.K. Chesterton

My awesome friend Elissa, who pilots small planes in Alaska, came to visit for a long weekend! We lived next door to one another when I was in 7th grade and living in Beaverton (a suburb of Portland), Oregon. And we've kept in touch since, and get along great! I stayed with her when she lived in Bozeman and I was working on that dratted book of mine (see the pics of us at Yellowstone and in Bozeman here). We went downtown, to Rice Village, and just poked around and ate and shopped. It was fun!!!We hung out in my backyard, talked and had a beer or two, and just caught up. She recently spent a year in the Mariana Islands and I really wanted to visit her but didn't get to, so it was great to catch up. And... I'm going to visit her in Juneau in September!

Most of the rest of these pics are in the somewhat random order that they got uploaded in... It sounds silly but I am so grateful for these earrings! I love them so much! I sort of borrowed them from my friend Paige when I visited her at Christmas (wow I just realized I didn't blog those fun pics! I came back from that trip and just emotionally crashed...). Anyway, she gave them to me because I liked them so much. And she'd bought them when we visited Fisherman's Wharf in San Fran a couple years before then so they have special significance to me!

The last 6 weeks or more have been consumed by studying for the GRE. I love this pic of Pippin on my kale chips and GRE book! Yea I know it sorta looks like something else but it's not!! I make kale chips all the time and love them!! And I love love love my kitty! She is the light of my life! (Along with my kids, but they don't really like to snuggle anymore, ha). 

I am such a shrimp next to my son now! I am grateful for my son! He lives with me full time now, and that has been such a blessing. It was heartwrenching when my daughter went to live with her dad for her senior year, and having him around all the time has really brought a lot of joy. He's a great kid (even if he plays video games too much!) He got his first job this summer, and his driver's license (which doubled my insurance - gah).

I have to have some more gratuitous pictures of my kitty. She's my baby! She is so adorbs! And yes, I said adorbs.

She really loves to cuddle. Sometimes it makes it hard to work. Reminds me of the good ol' days when I had babies and toddlers wanting to snuggle! She has the longest arms and she likes to wrap them around me. It's so cute!

I am thankful for my neighborhood pool! I have only gone there a few times but I love the summer sun!  It's not really green... that is just the Instagramification.

Another thing I am grateful for is popcorn and coffee. I think I pretty much live on these and kale chips.

I saw this in my GRE book and thought it was so funny because it's like a super-power! I have fractional powers - here's how to handle then - haha! OK, so I have a nerdy sense of humor...

My friend Stefanie and I hanging out in her backyard after we watched the Bachelorette finale! That was crazy! I can't believe that Reality Steve got it wrong, and she chose Chris and not Brooks. Wow that was a shocker. A good ending. She seems happy, and I'm happy for her. Yes, I do realize I watch a  ridiculous reality TV show but... what can I say. It's my mental Cheetos...

Because my old table literally rotted from the rain, I got a new one this summer! Love it! See the tiny hibiscus in the background? It's small, but a force of awesome.

And, I went to the eye doctor recently and got new hipster glasses. :) I love them! I only got contacts for the first time in 2008, and so my glasses were from way back then so although they still work for me they are a bit outdated fashion-wise.

When Elissa came to visit, I went though some old pictures and albums and found this funny scrapbook thing that I would write in (my aunt Linda gave it to me) and I laughed SO HARD when I read this. I must have been like 14 years old when I wrote this -- though it's possible I filled that part in during high school) but it asks what advice you would give to your daughter about marriage, and I wrote, "Don't put up with any of his bullshit." Bwahaha!!!! Honestly I think I must have written that in high school because I don't think I cussed when I got this in middle school. But it still cracks me the heck up!

I found this way cool cicada shell in my backyard. Poor guy, he's just a shell of his former self. #nerdhumor

It has been a blessing to see my daughter almost every week this summer. She leaves for UT- Dallas for college NEXT WEEK!! She's majoring in neuroscience but may change to visual communications/social media or something. She started a new business, Bright Lights Designs - check it out on ETSY(where you can actually order) or Like the Bright Lights Design Facebook page! She is creating and selling photographic and artistic prints to raise money for orphans in China and to fund her own trip to China hopefully next summer! 

I went to Dallas to visit my mom in July, and saved those pictures for a future post, because I'll be going up to Dallas again at the end of the month to see Savannah in her dorm, meet her roomies, and get HER tour of the campus so I'll post all those pics together. Plus I'll tell the story of the elephants, and my grandmother and Stanford and my path...

Savannah and I last week when we went shopping at the mall. I love this munchkin so much!!! She even let me take a pic with her smiling normally - that is amazing!

Last but not least, my favorite summer song!! Just say Jesus by 7eventh Time Down. It's really rockin' and kick butt!! I am soooo grateful for Air1, and the DJs that make me laugh and smile all day. Brant is so random and weird, so unlike any other DJ - it;'s totally fricking awesome. I recommend it! Especially if you are down or struggling for any reason. They are a huge blessing on the earth! (and you can listen online...)  

love, self-sabotage and chocolate

White calla lily, Green Gulch San Francisco Zen Center. Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

Sonnet 13

And wilt thou have me fashion into speech
The love I bear thee, finding words enough,
And hold the torch out, while the winds are rough,
Between our faces, to cast light on each?—
I drop it at thy feet. I cannot teach
My hand to hold my spirit so far off
From myself—me—that I should bring thee proof
In words, of love hid in me out of reach.
Nay, let the silence of my womanhood
Commend my woman-love to thy belief,—
Seeing that I stand unwon, however wooed,
And rend the garment of my life, in brief,
By a most dauntless, voiceless fortitude,
Lest one touch of this heart convey its grief

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I opened up my chocolate bar (organic fair trade dark chocolate currants and almonds) and there was this poem that spoke to my heart. I bought the bar specifically for the poem, as all these Chocolove bars have inside. I remember reading one from one of the best moments in my life, my Thanksgiving spent in solitude and gratitude at Owl Mountain near Abiquiu, New Mexico back in 2005 - the John Donne poem in my post chocolate foibles, about unintentionally eating maggot-infested chocolate - yum!

I started the Debbie Ford online class, Overcoming Self Sabotage, along with a small discussion group of friends and colleagues to share lessons with. I've also been listening to Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now on audio-CD and when his voice doesn't put me to sleep -- it is very relaxing and calming, and wise, but sometimes that isn't good when you're on a road trip -- I have gained some wonderful insights. As far as style, I think I prefer A New Earth (which I blogged about here and here and here) but this is good too. I really am fascinated by the concept of the pain body. He describes it as "accumulated pain [that] is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind." It gets activated and overcomes us at certain times, but it is not us. I am not my pain body. It is an "involuntary acting out of old patterns."

It would do wonders if people could see that when someone's pain body is activated, it is not them. They are acting from the ego, from unconsciousness. Yes, ultimately an individual is responsible for actions made during any time, but when recognizing that someone's pain body is activated, you can step back and witness and not judge, not react, and not be so affected by things. Easier said than done, perhaps, but worth trying.

Other bits of wisdom that resonated:

"If the pain body takes you over, [an enlightened or conscious] partner will not mistake it for 'who you are.'"

"Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race."

"The ego believes through negativity it can manipulate reality to get what it wants."

"As long as you make an identity out of pain, as long as your sense of self involves embracing pain, you cannot be free. You will unconsciously resist or sabotage every attempt to heal your pain because you want to keep 'yourself' intact and the pain is a part of you."

This last one was very profound for me. Oprah did an online study of A New Earth and has an exercise related to dissolving the pain body. At any rate, I also hope to share more insights from the Self-Sabotage class since I am the Queen of Self-sabotage, but alas, not today.

I just returned from a wonderful visit to Austin for the SXSW-Eco conference, and got to visit and stay with my friend Deb, who is a documentary producer and is involved with the new film (also by my friends I trekked through Nepal with in 2007- Tim Gorski and Jon Kane) How I Became an Elephant. I also stayed with new friend, former film exec Kee Kee Buckley who traveled solo across the U.S. with her dog Yoda in her Prius, "Princess Leia" and is now writing a book about her adventure. You can read some of her journey at her blog Seeking Shama and not only that, she will appear on Friday's Ricki Lake show "How to Stop Stress from Killing You." Oh, and I should mention that she blogged about giving and receiving, touched by the story of the "free car" I received in a divine act of providence! I truly love connecting with friends, old and new - it makes me feel alive and not so alone in the universe to connect and share wisdom, stories, and love with fellow truth sojourners!

SXSW-Eco was pretty cool, but I was a bit of an emotional wreck to be honest, and keep forgetting things (I'm going through some intensely challenging emotional stuff with my daughter). The highlights of the conference for me included hearing Annie Leonard, who created the short film The Story of Stuff -- she is a rock star -- and Bill McKibben, Larry Schweiger and Ted Nordhaus in this incredible session called The New Environmentalists. I will be writing about some other ideas that came out of the conference. I will keep you all posted when the articles come out.

Meanwhile here are a couple articles that came out in the latest Environmental Health Perspectives:

• Are Compact Fluorescent Lights dangerous? Ultraviolet leaks from CFLs. My latest article in Env Health Perspectives (PDF version). Oct 2012.
• Pattern of Clues: Evidence of Distinct DNA Methylation in Newborns of Smoking Women. Oct 2012.

Fall travel craziness!

On the Road... near Big Bend National Park, Texas, Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Nicole

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I've blogged. It's been busy around here - and that's a good thing! A couple weeks ago, I finished my big feature on the Elwha dam removal project and that should be coming out next month in Environmental Health Perspectives. I had a few days of downtime, during which I actually went out on the town! Big news for me - I'm kind of a homebody sometimes. I went to lunch at Ruggles Green with my very first high school boyfriend, Sean, who I recently reconnected with on Facebook, then I got together for a fun dinner at Sparrow (celebrity chef Monica Pope's new restaurant) with Texas A&M buds Kim and Rob, and then had like the worst date of my life. Dude was so ridiculously egoic, it was almost funny, if his behavior wasn't so horrifying! One of these days I will write a humorous essay about all my crappy dates, but suffice it to say dude had one thing on his mind and apparently thought I did to, but noooo sir ee bob. Then he kind of freaked out and got all angry. Ah, dating is so much fun! (not). At any rate after my few days of downtime, I got another short turnaround assignment, due Monday, and that's what has me occupied for the last few days. Still working on it...

Rob, me, and Kim at Sparrow. Kim has her PhD in psychology and does something like... pediatric neuropsychology I think?! I'm so proud of her - I met her when she was a 17-year old freshman and she lived in my dorm! She's now married with a cute lil un. I havent met her husband, but they just moved to Houston, and I found her online. We went to lunch a few weeks back too! In college, she became friends with Rob and we all used to hang out a lot. I hadn't seen him in like 20 years! He is a PhD in Economics and is now a consultant. 

But I have some other exciting news to share... First... drum roll please... ... I have changed my name to Wendee Nicole. I decided it was time to move on from my "old" life, that is my ex-husband's last name, and time to move on from that and embrace my 'rebirth' with a new name. I registered wendeenicole.com and it's now live! I am in the process of updating some of the links, and other things around the web, but check it out!

And next... upcoming adventures!! Next week I'm headed to the SXSW-Eco conference in Austin - woohoo! There are several colleagues and friends I will meet for the first time and/or reconnect with there. I love networking! I was all set to go last year but then Costa Rica called... (and hey I'm probably going back there in November and I'm totally stoked about that.)

After that, I am headed to Washington DC because I was accepted into the NIH Medicine in the Media Course. I am headed there a day early and staying with an editor friend. and then...

The National Association of Science Writers conference in Research Triangle, North Carolina! This will be my first NASW conference and my first time to NC. I have been to almost every state in the U.S. except a handful on the east coast. One of these days I'll have to calculate the number left... and make a trip to them! But I digress. While there I get to stay with my old bud Lisa Sullivan, who lived near me in the apartment I lived in when I first separated from my exhusband. We did bible study together, carved pumpkins together, and she moved to NC a few years ago and I havent seen her since!

With all this travel, I'll be back a week in between just about every trip so it's gonna be a busy/crazy fall but I really love traveling. Tomorrow Sam is having his 16th birthday party, and I'll have a houseful of loud boys - all the while I'm trying to write my article on a crazy complicated research paper... sigh. I will be very glad when my article is done!

A silly pic of Savannah and I... pretty much sums things up.

an awesome Hill Country trip!

This is one of the things I love about being a writer. Well besides the fact that I just get to GO to cool places, I also get paid to do it! Doug and I have talked about a camping trip for a while, and we finally found a good weekend to do it. Then I asked around, to see if I could land a couple of assignments because that would turn a relatively inexpensive camping trip into an opportunity to do some extra fun stuff and get paid for it! (Course I still have the hard work of writing it up - but that's not so bad). I got not one but two assignments! One is to write a feature on bats, and another is a general travel story about the areas I visited. Coolio! So here's a photo recap of our incredibly awesome fun-and-action-packed trip!

We love making silly faces! Just about to embark on our 3 day trip to the Hill Country.
Our first stop was the cool eatery Vivo on the east side of Austin. This shot is a bit dark but there's a waterfall behind Doug, and the outside patio is bedecked with greenery. It has great atmosphere and awesome food! Their motto is "Better than sex Tex-Mex" - LOL.

Doug forgot how to use a fork :) He ordered the quesadillas, and I ordered the California chicken nachos, which were topped with alfalfa sprouts & pico de gallo, and were really yummy!
Doug has a bite of sprouts - lol. He's turning into a chia pet!
Quit taking pictures of me so I can finish this darn message! ;)

The peeps at Vivo eatery give every woman a rose after their meal. Nice touch!

Doug playing an oversized guitar in Austin. We had about an hour to walk around down 6th street before meeting up with a biologist from Bat Conservation International for my stories.
Me and Doug on the Congress Avenue Bridge in Austin, overlooking Town Lake. About to see a million bats emerge! This weekend was our 6-mo anniversary, and we didn't even plan the trip because of that! :) And Doug wore this Pink Floyd shirt the day I met him. Good choice! :)
Mylea Bayless of Bat Conservation International talks to Doug on top of Congress Ave bridge as we wait for the bats. I had just completed my phone interview with Discovery Channel Earth Live which will air sometime soon!

A view of Town Lake. Some people watch the bats from boats and kayaks.
Bats! This was taken by Doug, at Austin's Congress Ave bridge.

Being silly in the car! We did Mad Libs as we drove. :)

We stayed at the the Fredericksburg Inn & Suites the first night after seeing the bats in Austin and even made it in time to lounge in the not-quite-hot-enough-but-still-nice hot tub! It sits on 5 acres and has a historic building as part of the hotel. These sycamore trees were by a creek running through the property.
The first view of Enchanted Rock from a distance - taken by Doug. We drove there Saturday morning to pick our tent site and set up camp before heading to Colorado Bend State Park to hike and swim.
Me, just arrived at Enchanted Rock State Natural Area about to set up our tent.

Prancing in the rocks at Enchanted Rock. Darn shorts keep falling down! Doug titled this pic on his myspace "The wild Wendee is very rare to spot" or something like that - lol.

Our tent site was awesome! #25 :)

Next we drove to Colorado Bend State Park, which is about an hour away from Enchanted Rock. We got there for a 2pm guided hike to Gorman Falls but got there early with time to swim and play in the swift but shallow Colorado River.

Kissing again! :) They should just attach us at the lips :)

Me and Doug in the Colorado River, Colorado Bend State Park, happy!
Me hiking the trail to Gorman falls.
Me and Doug at Gorman Falls

Gorman Falls
Kissing again!

Gorman Falls. Gorgeous!

Next we headed to the Old Tunnel WMA (Wildlife Management Area), a pseudomaternity cave where mostly female bats roost but also some males. The females don't give birth here like they do at Austin's bridge, but leave to give birth and then come back a few weeks later to raise their pup. Doug is waiting for dusk so the bats emerge.

A view of the "old tunnel" that provides shelter for up to 3 million bats. There were only around 1 million at the time we visited because the babies weren't born yet.

Bat crossing sign at Old Tunnel WMA. TX Parks & Wildlife biologist Nyta Hensley gave a most excellent and informative 20 or so minute presentation on bats. It was really great!

But first... before we watched the bats we grabbed a burger at Alamo Springs Cafe. It's right next to Old Tunnel WMA and you can have an awesome meal while waiting for the bats. This is Mike Tangman, the owner of possibly the best burger in TX!
Burgers up! Alamo Springs cafe outside of Fredericksburg, near Old Tunnel WMA where people see millions of bats emerge- the best burger in Texas?

Our meager campfire didn't last long, but at least we succeeded at starting one!

Some cool rocks at Enchanted Rock St Natural Area. The next morn we hiked to the summit.

Another silly self-portrait while hiking Enchanted Rock.
Doug on summit trail, heading back down the rock.
A vernal pool thingie on top of Enchanted Rock. They were very lush this time. Must have rained recently.
After we packed up our tent, we headed to browse the shops in Fredericksburg but I didn't take any photos! Then we headed to the Sauer-Beckmann Living history farm at the LBJ National Historic Park not far from town.

A view through the homestead window at the Sauer-Beckmann farm.
Don't touch! Ha! All this canned stuff is actually grown and canned etc by staff who work at the farm. Pretty cool!
Award winning wine! Last stop, Becker winery near Stonewall, not far from Fredericksburg.
Bunny Becker at the Becker winery outside of Stonewall, Texas.

We enjoyed a $5 wine sampling session! :)We look like we had about 5 glasses of wine here rather than 5 tiny sips... but alas it's just a bad picture :)