madly in love with me

Sam looking at a California Poppy, Green Gulch Organic Farm
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

I'm beginning to think it's going to be a long, long recovery post-Ike for Houston... I have a full tank of gas, but some people are waiting for HOURS in the most massive lines you can imagine. I'm just way too impatient for that! I had a friend who got annoyed at me when I told him to fill up his gas tank pre-Gustav... I seriously hope he ran out, had to wait in a long line for gas - ha ha! OK that is my evil side coming out - he he. Now because I said that, mark my words, I'm going to have to wait in a long line...

We still have no electricity, and I had to throw out a bunch of food today. The weather cooled down a bit so that's nice. It's frustrating to not have life as normal, but I really can't complain too much. I have hot water. I have water! I have a gas stove. I've been to the grocery store and there's food and not long lines unless you want to get ice. Traffic is a bit hairy since traffic lights are all out and people are not always so safe (people run lights a lot). But hey, I don't need ice. I don't even own a cooler. And I'm going to drive even less because I want to conserve gas. There is just one spot that I know of that has cell phone reception - on the bridge over Lake Houston and I've driven out there a couple times, but I can use my home phone (did I say this already?). I get text messages on my phone though I think they're somewhat delayed. So life is weird, but I am getting by. Kids are off school through the end of the week, at least.

Yesterday I walked over to my friend Melody's to see if she wanted to go walking. I arrived right as she and her family and her parents (who live 2 houses down from her) were sitting down to a nice grilled dinner of steak and sausages from their freezer supply. Her mom piled up my plate with salad, potato, and steak - yum! And a glass of Pinot Grigio. So much for walking... ;) I was talking to her mom about a recent dating disaster, and we were talking about all kinds of things and she says to me, "You are beautiful. You are intelligent. The problem is not YOU! It is HIM!" I was like "I love you!"

I'm working through some issues and trying to find a phrase to replace my negative or self-sabotaging thoughts of feeling unloved. I have pondered using "I am loved" or "God now" or "God loves me" but they didn't quite do the trick. Then I heard this line in a Watermark song that says (God) is "madly in love with me" and I thought, that's it. That is the line I need to put in my head to replace the thought that is so deeply ingrained from my childhood that I am not loved. I don't need any man or any person to be in love with me, I need to fully acknowledge in every part of my being that God is madly in love with me! What a cool thought.

I'm trying to get some work done on my Louisiana pine snake piece but the people I need to reach are also affected by the Hurricane....So here I am, and I better get back to work! Tomorrow is Sam's 12th birthday - poor kid may not get the best birthday. I usually like to have the house all decorated for them, balloons, flowers, cake or cupcakes... I can't use my oven and the groceries stores only have the minimum of stuff, so I may have to make do.

Oh, and the Debbie Ford talk was cancelled and I'm so bummed! I hope it gets rescheduled!!

why does God allow tragedies?

"For you have been given the privilege for the Messiah's sake not only to believe in him but also to suffer for him." Philippians 1:29 (International Standard Version)

On Wednesday evening, the 5-year old daughter of a well-known Christian singer was killed when her teenage brother accidentally backed over her. When I heard it, it made me cringe. It broke my heart. I can not even fathom what that family is going through. What the brother is feeling. Why, you have to ask, does God allow things like that to happen? Often I think that Christians think that our lives will be protected from injury. That God will never allow tragedy. That He may always answer our prayers the way we want Him to.

But why does He allow such awful tragedies? This answer may seem like foolishness to those outside the church, and maybe to those inside, and I don't know for sure, but I do believe that those who are strong in Christ sometimes suffer great tragedies so that God can be glorified through them. Because those who are strong in the Lord will turn to Him, and receive strength only He can give. And others will see us glorifying God amidst great suffering and tragedy. Those who have truly been touched deeply by Jesus love won't, can't turn away. God IS love, and how can we turn away from love? As Peter said to Jesus, when Jesus asked would he too turn away, he replied, "To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." The beauty of grace is that in tragedy we cling to God - who is love, who created love, who spoke love, who created all and loves despite the horror we inflict on one another - we cling to God even amidst great suffering and tragedy. We forgive. We give. We suffer. And by turning our eyes to God in our suffering - as Daniel looked to God while inside the lion's den - we show others Who to look to for hope. I sometimes believe God allows the strong in Christ to suffer more. These could be people who are nonbelievers at the time, who God knows may later turn to Him. God sees the whole life, not just the snapshot in time.

Life is sometimes overwhelmingly painful and confusing. Life can be tragic. Yet to me the great question is not why tragedies happen, but why beauty and love exists when people are so selfish and the world is so fallen.

Another thought this tragedy brought to mind is how in such times of tragedy, we don't want to hear platitudes. The words may be true but in times of tragedy people don't need to hear them, but need "Jesus with skin on" - and that is why bringing meals, being present, being a friend, or showing up for earth quake or tsunami or flood victims speaks far more than saying things like "God will never give you more than you can handle." It may be a true statement but it's not what we need in tragedies. We need love in action. And at the same time, those of us witnessing a tragedy all need to show love in action for the hurting people in the world.

This past Sunday at my church, my pastor spoke some really moving and powerful words, which I just read to Sean, as the words spoke much about the work we have been talking about in the Solomons in some of the same language we have used. Pastor Al said, "Many of you are leaders for my kingdom. I have given you a passion to serve. I encourage you to open your heart to the leading of my Spirit, " and ended it with "I once told my disciples – 'pray for harvest workers.' You are harvest workers. Pray to my father for workers for the kingdom."