Tuesday, February 14, 2006

my pastors and fragile flames

bless their hearts, i would be remiss if i didn't mention that after i emailed both my pastors my blog entry that they both contacted me and apologized and opened way for a dialogue about these issues. the head pastor called me before church on sunday and his calling me brought tears to my eyes. it touched me. i wrote the things i wrote in retrospect and contemplation of the past. i'm far beyond the place i was in during the separation and divorce over two years ago.

well time for bed, just wanted to post that little update. did you know i am in love with vegetables! i am in love with maple syrup! lol. just had to add that little tidbit of info since i have not talked about anything too quirky or funny lately, like frozen pee (see Nov 2005).

i was sitting in my bathroom the other day thinking about how it would feel to be an old person and know that life was running out. i used to think when you got old, somehow your mental state changed and you became ready to die just as your body wore out. now i know that your mind stays much the same, assuming you don't get alzheimers or other mental deteriorations. so you have to just deal with the fact that life is running out and you're going to die soon.

yet in reality it is for all of us. our time on earth could be called over at any time. i try to think about this often, not to be macabre or gloomy, but in contrast because i want to live my life to the fullest, to enjoy each day as best i can, and to not take myself or life's crazy happenings too seriously. sometimes it gets me into trouble as people don't always get my freewheeling spirit. but i try to hug all my friends and kids, tell them i love them often, and let everyone in my life know that i genuinely appreciate and care for them. people - as selfish as we can sometimes be - are also beautiful souls dancing like fragile flames through life, trying to keep the flame alive and to not wither. i like to try to see that beautiful flame in each person, and to give my own enough oxygen to breathe and thrive. sending you electrons of love, space, freedom, peace, acceptance, and joy...

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