stress

I didn't realize how much stress I was feeling until it all came out today. I have been pretty calm, and feeling like I'm staying on top of things as far as planning my trip (I leave Monday!). I've got a pile of things I need to pack piled on my bedroom floor... my version of early packing. Ha! And I've done my shopping to get various and sundry things. I spent some time researching places to stay for my "one night in Bangkok" (and one day, technically) and am super excited about that short but totally solo part of my travels, and I made my reservation. I screwed up on something this morning but it was over-ridable, and I spent time driving around doing necessary errands. I got 2 articles done and 1 very short one to go, due tomorrow. But then it all hit.

Let me backtrack. For starters this morning I felt super exhausted. The day before I'd thought I may be coming down with a cold (scratchy throat) so I took vitamin C and Echinacea, and yet this morn I felt super tired. After I dropped the kids off I went back to bed and slept till 1130am. I deliberately decided to miss my "coffee" with the girls that I LOVE, but then changed my mind and stopped by at the end of that meeting. I then did some errands, and decided to stop by home before picking up Savannah's bike which I'd dropped for repair of the flat tire so we can go for a bike ride this weekend, and saw on my Calendar I had a after-school conference with the kids' teachers. I was SO glad I came home & saw that on my calendar, b/c otherwise I'd have missed it. So I rushed up to the school and got there at 320pm (normally they're in after school athletics til later). I was told the conference would be "right after school" but wasn't given a time. School gets out at 315 so I was just very slightly late. When I got there one teacher was walking out the door, and the other had already left! The one leaving said they'd told me the meeting was at 3pm but I NEVER got that correspondence. Dude! So... I went in to meet with the last of the 3 teachers, who was still there (apparently my meeting with her was at 330pm) and I burst into tears!!! Like sobbing!!! LOL at myself....

I guess you need to know that this is NOT normal behavior for me. At least not in several years! During my divorce, hell, I burst into tears at the drop of a dime! But anyway, it made me realize how I really must be worried about this trip subconsciously (because honestly I don't feel stressed!). I think I have fears about several things. One is going to a place where the US State Dept has just issued a warning against travel. Another is just going to a country where the native language is not English or Spanish (Hablo muy poquito Espanol --> enough to get by). I'm thrilled, but a bit scared I think. I also don't love flying. I have overcome this fear of flying, and I don't get stress on the plane (though I can't sleep well), but I don't "love it" either. There's also just a lot of stress about my book proposal being sent out by my agent next week, because so much in my life rides on it, and it's so important to me, and I believe the topic is important to the world and especially the US right now. And just money issues, and getting everything done, and yada yada yada....

So now I am going to sign off, and I hope I can squeeze in one other blog before I leave. Godspeed!

PS I was tagged - 5 random facts (have to make this quick)
1. John Lennon is one of my personal heroes, and has been since I was young.

2. On my desk: A super-soft stuffed crab from San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf (I'm a Cancer), A card from my dear friend Laurie with a kid looking up at the stars that says "The wishing stars twinkled a little brighter each time she thought of her friend," A framed photo of the Central Park Strawberry Fields memorial that says IMAGINE,an incense burner, a stapler.

3. I have excellent credit! LOL.

4. I love my kids a million billion pieces!! (we often say this to each other, I think because one of them said this when they were younger)

5. My next dream destination: Africa!

6. I love bubble baths!

7. When I ride my bicycle I love to stand up and ride without holding the handlebars. Sometimes I even hold my hands up in the air like Victory! It's soooo freeing!!