consciousness cleanse

Peruvian Amazon rainforest along the River Madre de Dios
Copyright (c) Wendee Holtcamp 2006

I'm using my old desktop computer, which actually is not that old, but it is slow as a slug, and the keyboard is incredibly annoying. I had to mail my laptop off for repairs. Everything is falling apart it seems - my trusty Subaru had to be taken down for work yesterday too. It was getting awfully loud, and I thought it was just age. But turns out the wheel bearings were so bad that I was lucky it didn't just lock up on me. I only brought it down on a whim. Glad I did!

I have started doing the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse, and the coolest thing is that I got several friends to do it alongside me, so we're all sharing our experiences. The Consciousness Cleanse is based on a new book by one of my favorite authors, Debbie Ford. There are online meditations and readings, but I got the book from my library and it's got some additional reading material. On the first day, which we did yesterday, you sort of come up with what area of your life most needs your focus, and to create an inner and outer goal to help you achieve it.

The audio meditation allows you to sort of think through and figure out what feeling you would have inside were that dream to come true to your wildest imaginings. I initially thought of financial success. Which is so unlike me, because I have always sort of despised people who have a lot of money. Maybe despised isn't the right word. Distrusted, maybe? It's like I have issues with people who seek money for money's sake and because of my own upbringing (I had a hippie dad, what can I say) I had/have some negative associations with money.

Yet I have always been extremely responsible with money, and done well for myself but the last year was tough on me financially. Hence the new focus. I have a future I need to save for. And I want to come to grips with the fact that not all wealthy people are selfish or greedy, but that is just a semi-conscious mental attitude I picked up along the way. And maybe a little bit of envy. But in my ponderings and such on this goal, I realized that what I really want is to make a difference, and I feel if I had wealth or greater success I could do more good the world. There's so much I dream of doing that is just impossible without the money to do it. And it brought me back to my book, and dreaming of its success. And wanting it to make a difference in terms of getting the message out there that God is love, and God is truth, and that science reveals truth about the natural world, God's creation, and science and faith are fully compatible! And all this brought me back to the fact that because of financial struggle I don't feel as much joy and passion for my work, which sometimes keeps me from giving my 100% attention to it as I should. The writing becomes more of a struggle, something that has to be done, rather than a true joy. And I crave that passion again for my work, for whatever I do. So that is what I'm working towards.

I started smiling at everyone I meet. It is amazing how by giving a smile, you can bring joy to them, and back to you. Just a simple little thing. And I've noticed a little more spring in my step the last few days. So that's where I'm at, and some of the things on my mind and heart lately! What's new with you? Leave a comment! ;)