Thursday, August 09, 2012

Is the Life I Wanted Passing Me By?

Cocha Blanco near the Manu Wildlife Center in the Manu Biosphere Reserve, Peruvian Amazon Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp


I am in the process of sort of redefining - or clarifying - my life goals, my yearly goals, and my short-term goals and steps that I need to take in order to reach the next step in my own evolution. And I am listening to Debbie Ford's CD's "The Power to Make Life Changing Choices: The Right Questions in Action" and something she said really jumped out at me.

Lately I have felt a bit disillusioned with my life. Instead of being thrilled by all the amazing things I have seen and places I have gone, I have felt depressed and sad and that life has passed me by - or perhaps that the best is behind me. I know, I know... that's crazy talk. Call it a mid-life crisis, I don't know. I'm staring the empty nest smack dab in the face, and it scares the hell out of me. But worse than that, I feel like there are so many of my dreams that I don't even know if they are dreams anymore, they are buried so deep. Dreams like spending several months in Africa (I am scared now - where did that come from?). Dreams like writing a book (remember what happened to kill that dream? yea, like a book miscarriage). Dreams like having a good relationship with my daughter, something different than I had with my own mom (I really thought I had checked that one off the list, until the shit hit the fan this year in a excruciatingly heartbreaking way). Dreams like... saving the world. Producing and maybe even starring in a documentary film. Going on mission trips (can't afford them - why don't they want volunteers that don't have $3000 to spend?!), joining the Peace Corps, volunteering with the homeless and impoverished. Writing something that actually makes a difference in the world. So many things that now seem so distant and far off... But I know they are still dreams, and though the intense passion of my youth for these things has waned, I want to resurrect my dreams and figure out which ones I still really want to pursue. So I have been thinking about goals.

So back to the point: The CD outlines 10 questions you can ask yourself for every decision to make sure you are making decisions that lead you in the direction of your deeper vision (of course, it helps you have first defined that deeper vision).

Ford explains that when we head to the grocery store, we get in the car and we drive there. We don't stop at every corner and ask how we "feel" or ask ourselves, "do I want to stop here? Do I want to go to that corner shop or that coffee shop" while on the way. We would never get to our destination because we would be pausing and following every whim. Likewise, in other parts of our lives, we have to set an intention and a goal, and then determine how to get there, and not divert from that path. We need to not consult our "feelings" and "emotions" at every juncture on our path - do I want to take this assignment or that one because I like it, or eat this donut or french fries when I'm on a diet -- but rather we should always tune into our deeper vision.

She says there are no small choices, because every single choice we make either leads us toward our vision, or keeps us stuck in old patterns and in the past and our default way of doing things. Each choice, she says, affects our mood and our self esteem. We have to have the faith that we deserve the very best life, and that we can make our dreams a reality. Amen to that!

There's a lot more detail for each of these questions, but it's something to get you started on your path to living your dreams! What do you think?

The 10 questions are:

  1. 1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
  2. 2. Will this choice bring me long term fulfillment or will it bring me short term gratification?
  3. 3. Am I standing in my own power or am I trying to please another?
  4. 4. Am I looking for what’s right, or am I looking for what’s wrong?
  5. 5. Will this choice add to my life force, or will it rob me of my energy?
  6. 6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
  7. 7. Does this choice empower me or dis-empower me?
  8. 8. Is this an act of self-love or self-sabotage?
  9. 9. Is this an act of faith or an act of fear?
  10. 10 Am I choosing from my Divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

And so, the answer to the question I pose is no, but... I have to get on the wagon to make sure that the second part of my life doesn't roll right by me on the same track, when I do want to switch gears a little bit. I love what I do - I LOVE writing (most of the time) but I want to add some new things to my life repertoire. So let's go! What is on your bucket list?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"...volunteering with the homeless and impoverished. Writing something that actually makes a difference in the world."

You can do the first thing anytime, perhaps ask David Davenport about opportunities in your area. As to your writing, I believe that your detailing of biological phenomena makes a real difference, just not a dramatic and large one, but (and I have had to face this, accepting a small role, being a servant to God's larger purposes) making small positive changes does add up. Remember what Jesus taught us about how being faithful in small responsibilities leads to larger ones. This may not help, of course, in light of your struggles with Savannah. Dsad

The Dake Page said...

Know that others envy all that you have accomplished. Time will move forward without or without us, so hitch yourself along and have the ride of your life, wherever it takes you.

Wendee Nicole said...

Thank you all for the kind comments! :)