40 Days to Freedom!

Do you have Cooties! My Inner Mean Girl does!
Photo Copyright (c) 2009 Wendee Holtcamp

I kicked off the (FREE!) Inner Mean Girl Cleanse this week with an amazing call with SARK - aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, author of Succulent Wild Woman and many other books. I've always loved SARK's free-spirited style and joie de vivre while still being very real and honest with the challenges she has faced. I learned of the Inner Mean Girl cleanse from SARK's eNewsletter, which I subscribe to (you can subscribe here - click on eletter).

A few things about the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse:

• It's an online, interactive program put together by two authors and life coaches, Christine Arylo - Inspirational Catalyst and Queen of Self-Love - and Amy Ahlers - the Wake-up Call Coach.
  
  
• The Inner Mean Girl is the inner critic that we women hear inside our heads (sometimes we have more than one). It's not about being mean to others, but how hard we are on ourselves, and learning to turn it into a superhero ally!
  
  
• It runs for 40 days. Even if you missed the first week, you can sign up anytime here. Each week the focus is on a different issue that we all deal with. Over 6,000 people are signed up and doing this simultaneously and you can join too!
  
  
• I signed up as a Self-Love Ambassador and will be blogging each week about the issue at hand.
  
  
• After the 40 Day Cleanse is over, they are offering Inner Mean Girl Reform School which is a paid online course. So if you like what you experience during the free program, you can sign up! (and if you do it from here, I get a referral commission). :)

The cleanse kicked off with a call in through MaestroConference- a conference calling system. I have never done anything like this, and it was really cool! At a certain time, I called in and Amy, Christine, and SARK were all talking to us. After a few minutes, they broke us into sub-groups where each person (of several hundred calling in) could say their name and the one thing that came to mind about what we are most hard on ourselves about. I said "relationships" since that was what I'd been struggling over lately. Then SARK talked about how to 3 steps in turning our Inner Mean Girl from an enemy to an ally. They are:

• Awareness. The first step is becoming aware of the "Inner Mean Girl" - and you may have more than one! We are encouraged to draw them, which I did. I actually have two so far. They're not very nice!
  
  
• Attention. Give the Inner Mean Girl some attention by journaling and listing out the kinds of things that are said. In the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron calls these "blurts."
  
  
• Allowing. Reassure yourself that you are whole.

After the hour-long chat by SARK, Amy and Christine they broke us into groups of three and we were able to introduce ourselves and chat about the call and the issues we're facing. All three of us had similar challenges, so it was really serendipitous! (After the fact I wondered if they didn't match people up by the concern stated at the beginning of the call - but regardless, it was really fantastic to share with other women going through similar things). We exchanged emails even and I hope to keep in touch!

Each week there is a new topic, and the first week's topic is Gossip. I have never been a gossip or considered myself in that capacity but I already have had an epiphany about it, which I'll share in my next post!

love, dignity, and judging

The snowman we made at the outskirts of Yosemite National Park, California
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

I composed a blog post in my mind earlier this morning and now I think I've forgotten everything I was going to say. Seriously. Crap.

Oh yea! Now I remember. (I sat here for like 5 minutes drawing a blank! See maybe I did have a cerebral infarction after all...) Anyhoo... After my divorce, I had to take off my wedding ring and I wanted to replace it with a ring that would remind me of my commitment to God. When I was browsing the Portland Saturday Market back in 2004 I think, I bought myself a simple ring that has three intertwined bands of silver. It reminded me of the trinity - how three things can be both three and yet one. And so I wear it on my right hand, ring finger.

When I was in a grace group session last fall at my church (a 12-week group that is part of the Open Hearts Ministry, helping men and women rise above the various forms of abuse we've faced in our pasts - covering shame with grace) one of the lessons changed the way I view that ring. Our leader was talking about how no matter what has happened to us in the past, or what we have done in our own lives, that God gives us a ring of dignity. She was speaking metaphorically but it really hit home, that every time I look at that ring, it's not about my commitment to God, because that just leaves me feeling dismayed at the ways I fail and fall short. But that ring tells me that I am a woman of dignity regardless of my sin and my mistakes and my human failings, because God is on my side - that God is FOR me, that God will never leave me, that God is good, and God is love and God is truth. All these things came back to me because I'd taken my ring off and set it on the table, because it was bothering my hand. When I saw it sitting there later, all these thoughts flooded me.

Sometimes I fear making decisions or being myself because of the way others judge me, especially other Christians (though to counter this fear, I tend to boldly be myself anyway just to make a point!). But I believe we should not judge others because you have not walked in their shoes or seen the world through their culture and experience and life. You see only a slice of their life - this moment in time. Only God sees the whole show, and knows the heart inside and out from beginning to end. I don't know why these thoughts came to me as I was looking at my ring, but they did and I felt I needed to blog them. Someone out there needs to read them. I often make one mistake after another in relating to people and in my own life, but one thing is for sure, I am loved by God always, always, always (and the same goes for you!). And we should love each other in their imperfection as beloved perfect children of God also. Hate the sin, love the sinner! And another thing is sure, I'm committed to learning how to love God in response, and that means how to love people better.

With that in mind, this quote came back into my life yesterday. I had shared it with a friend a while back and now she shared it with me - in a random sort of way. I think I'm going to print it out and put it on my mirror (I have a collection of a few quotes and Bible verses there).

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than it is to relieve the pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.
- Mother Teresa

And the other quote that came to mind I have included on this blog before, but I will do so again: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

Last, I have been thinking again about one of my favorite positive influences, SARK or Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy. She writes wonderful inspiring books using color markers! Her posters are often on pediatrician's walls. Check out her website, Planet Sark. I don't know why but I started thinking about her today and grabbed her book Succulent Wild Woman: Dancing with your wonder-full self off my bookshelf and started thumbing through. I subscribed to her free e-newsletter. I could use some of her positivity. Also check out her online journal - Sark Journal. It's a lot of fun! I'm adding it to my blogroll. Below is one of her posters, appropos right now with the stress over my hospital bills, and the economy in general. I keep hearing of friends losing their jobs. Things can be scary, but somehow so far I'm trying to not let it become a primary focus. I may gripe about it but I don't think about it constantly. Like Trish said to me, water the things you want to grow! I need to plant some money and water it! :)

You are safe!

Savie and Sam about to go to homecoming dance. This was to their private school homecoming for basketball. So grown up!