Reflections on the jungle, love & life

The Costa Rican rainforest near Braulio Carillo National Park
Copyright (c) 2011 Wendee Holtcamp

On this day, God wants you to know ... that your love is a gift to the world. Let your love radiate out to all you meet. Let your love touch the hearts of people you don't even know. Let your love reach to the far corners of the earth. Love is what is saving the world.
- From a silly Facebook app but so beautiful!

Upon returning to Houston from the jungles of Costa Rica, I found myself going to the grocery store, walking through the parking lot, and I just had this overwhelming feeling of "living in Houston is so mundane!" I have never been shy about my feelings about living here. I'm here only because I share custody with my ex-husband, and because I vowed to not do what my parents did; that is, move halfway across the country from one another and force the kid to commute back and forth on jet-planes. I wanted my kids to have the stability of having both parents nearby, and of growing up in one place, something I never had moving from place to place every couple years (hence, the bohemian was born! But I digress).

To be sure, Houston burbs are a good, safe place to raise kids. It has low cost of living and I have a beautiful home and some amazing friends. I have a healthy balanced life. But that's not enough for me. I want a bigger life - not just the occasional adventure that I take, but a life that is, itself, an adventure. I'm not sure what that may be yet, but I have a short two and one half years here before both of my kids will have fledged the nest. Oh, my it makes me tear up when I really think about it! But it will give me the freedom to leave this place and find a new home, and a new life, and a new mission for the next chapter of my life.

What will I do? Travel around the world for a year? Go on a mission trip? Move to another country - Australia maybe, or Costa Rica? Go back to graduate school? The world is my oyster. I only know that I don't want it to be a vain search for adventure for adventure's sake. I want to do something that makes a difference. I love to write, and I love my career but sometimes I wonder, does any of this make any difference to anyone? And why is supporting myself such a struggle? (I know, I should go Occupy downtown Houston right!)

But I am in a very good place. I feel happy and content and life is good, really good! I am blessed. I look forward to the chapters of my life yet to unfold.
And last, I want to share with you the two podcasts and slideshows that I did for Adventures in Climate Change/The Wendee Holtcamp Report! Please visit, listen, view and comment!

• In the first, A Sustainable Adventure in Costa Rica I discuss the Planet, People, Peace (P3) conference on sustainable tourism, as well as some of the cool sustainable ag education happening at Earth University, where the conference was held.
• The second, Living Large Without a Carbon Footprint talks about the Selva Bananito Ecolodge & Preserve and why they deserve 5-leafs for sustainability from the Costa Rican government - the maximum level.

Wild Life and random thoughts

I've been thinking about why, when I'm home I always feel so constricted and not quite so happy as when I'm off roaming around the world. And yet when I'm roaming on my adventures I love parts of it but not all of it. I am sick of traveling solo on adventures and realized I think my absolute favorite adventure over the past few years was the one where I took my kids to Australia, and the many trips where I've visited friends & fam (NYC, LA, San Fran, hiking Guadalupe Peak, Glacier with Dad), plus the 2 weeks I spent alone in the cabin in New Mexico - rather than my big adventures like the Galapagos or Nepal where I just met people on the way but traveled solo. I love seeing beauty in the natural world, and photographing it and I love that traveling removes me (temporarily) from deadlines and pressures of daily life.

So I sort of see myself with these two lives- the big adventures and the kind of boring daily life in Texas. I actually pitched my agent the idea of doing a book on this and she liked it, but we're focusing on Losing My Religion: A Christian Struggles to Reconcile Evolution & Faith (working title) first. The title I thought of is Wild Life: Ordinary Suburban Mom, Extraordinary Bohemian Adventures and based in large part on my blog, being this bohemian Oregonian environmentalist tree-hugger adventurer and world traveler living in this conservative Texas suburban neighborhood - and my journey from heartbreak to strength as I find my way post-divorce. I envision the cover all white with these pencil-outlined identical cookie-cutter homes and then this one in all color with me holding an alligator popping out of it. I've already done part of the book proposal actually, and on the cover page is a quote someone wrote me once "There's not many women who would venture into swamps. You seem like a women's version of the Crocodile Hunter!" Hey, it could make the next big TV series!! That's my dream... so maybe in a few years it will be the next Sex & The City (though without all the sex - LOL).

So anyway I'm going to start to think about how I can create some of these same feelings of expansion and joy and living large within my home life in Texas. I'm "stuck" in Houston until my kids graduate because Matt & I both agreed to stay here so they would have both parents near and in their lives daily. After having to choose between parents I swore I would never do that to my kids! (Then again I also swore I'd never get divorced, but well life happens). I'm not condemning anyone who lives away from their kids, but for me, it's a committment I made and something I'm gladly willing to sacrifice for even though I completely feel like a square peg in a round hole here. Before long, when they go to college, I will move out of Texas - and maybe travel the globe for a couple years or live on the beach in Hawaii or Australia.... Still I have learned, with some struggle, to try not to conform in this place and to instead be true to myself... which I've been more successful at since my divorce!

So that comes back to the question, how can I have a "larger than life" life while still here in Houston?! One thing might be to get a different house. I'd love a house in the country again, like along the San Jacinto River maybe. I've even looked around for land at one point. I think part of my answer also lies in physical activity. I need to get out and do something active besides just running. I've pondered martial arts, or Zumba or other cool new fitness classes. The photographer I'm going to work with in Australia runs a Poleates Studio - I'd never heard of that before but it looks amazing! She said the boat has a pole on deck believe it or not and she'll show me some moves. So watch out everybody! ;)

I used to have these lyrics at my website. This song, Joining You, by Alanis Morrissette reminded me of myself, and I am listening to that album now (it's on Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie but technically I'm listening to the MTV unplugged CD). She will be in Houston in concert Thursday and I soooo want to go but alas I am pinching pennies. The entire song's lyrics are here. But I like this part:

you and i we're like four year olds
we want to know why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak out minds
and never talk small
and be intuitive
and question mightily
and find god
my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions