Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

balance~life is good

El Capitan in West Texas ~
A view of Guadalupe Mts National Park from the outside looking in.
Copyright (c) 2006 Wendee Holtcamp


Life is good. That's a thought that went through my head several times today, and it's been a while since I've really felt that. I feel like I'm starting to get to a new balance. You know how when you start a new relationship, everything is new, and your schedule and your life changes.? You spend a lot of time learning and growing and discovering. Sometimes it's scary. Sometimes you're mad. Sometimes you're ecstatic. I know that the past year has been a crazy one for me. The past 6 months have been a joy. And yet relationships take work. I also remember my brother once tell me that they can zap the creativity from you. In some respects I can see that. They consume a lot of your creative soul and energy. And after the beginning of something new, when you start to feel the confidence that this thing just may stick around for a while, maybe for good, even, then you start to return the balance to other parts of your life, to readjust back to not the same old, but to a new normal. And so, it feels like I'm beginning to restore the balance in my life after the inevitable change the start of something new brings.

I've been back to the gym that I've been neglecting for the past few months. Spent more time with old friends. Started reinvigorating my self-introspective life. Reopened the gratitude journal. And tomorrow, I will once again start a master cleanse, the all liquid (all lemonade) cleanse that is so invigorating to the body and soul. Last year, I did the cleanse several times. Since I met Doug I haven't at all. I credit that to the fact that he loves my cooking, and social get togethers often involve food, and I've been hesitant to take that back out of the equation, because 10 days without food means 10 days without social gatherings - or at least ones involving food (though I plan to only do it for 7 days this time, maybe even take a break in between - we shall see).

But it feels like the balance is returning. It finally feels ok to do so, like the gatherings don't have to revolve around food right now, and that I can get back to my regular normal. I feel happy. Several very good things have transpired, not big things to share but just small things that I treasure in my heart. Mostly I feel blessed by this relationship, by my friends, by the amazing church that I have and all the resources they have available and the people who go out of their way to generously give of their time and love, and my wonderful kids.

Today Doug and I went to see Sharks 3D at the Houston Museum of Natural Science and got to stop by and say hi to my friend Dan, the Curator of Vertebrate Zoology there (he writes the Beyond Bones blog for the museum too). We also went to see the Burke Baker Planetarium show Black Holes. That wasn't the best Planetarium show I've seen, but it was cool to do a couple things. In between we walked to Cafe Express at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts around the corner. That is one of my favorite resturants, and it didn't disappoint. Doug is now a convert too! The food is delish!

I love that I can play by day, and work by night. I love that my schedule is so flexible. And so many times today and the past few days I've felt so very blessed by this relationship and specifically by the man Doug is. No one knows the future, but we have been through some bumps and are the stronger for it. He is truly a good man, generous, loving, kind, and I care deeply for him as a person. I love so much about "us" and it makes me smile. I've never been good at day by day, but that's where I'm at and it's now finally working well for me.

So anyway, after a good day out, I came home and wrote a couple upcoming posts for the Animal Planet blog, and caught up on some email stuff, and then got super sleeeeeeppppyyy.... but I had to update my blog since I am feeling so at peace and knowing me, an extremely emotionally voluble person, that may change in 10 minutes - ha! So tomorrow I have to take my trusty Subaru down to get some maintenance - she's got nearly 170,000 miles on her...prayers for her health are much appreciated! I have to make her last a while longer!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

more on anger

Mountain lion at the Wildlife Rescue & Rehabilitation Center, Texas
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp


“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”
- Anne LaMott


Another friend blogged in her Myself & Us blog about how as a child she was taught anger was a "bad" emotion and hence hid that. I totally relate to this. I was very quiet and shy as a child (unless I got to know people) and kept lots and lots and lots of what should have been rightful anger inside (can you believe I hid things and was quiet? ha!). When I got upset or hurt, I cried, I didn't get angry. But I've learned that "feelings are facts." They're not good or bad. It's how we act on them that can have consequences.

It's kind of funny (or not) because I can sound really angry by email or text or whatever, but when you see me I do not sound or seem angry in person. I hate internet and phone communication that way. Honestly I need to just cut myself off from it! Seriously! But I've read that it can be healing and fun and a good way to get out pent-up frustration to get a baseball bat and beat the crap out of a pillow and I'm seriously thinking of going out and buying myself a bat. I may not look angry right now, but inside my head, I'm hitting my pillow with a baseball bat in my head. Ha ha!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

friends rock

Texas madrone berries, Guadalupe Mountains National Park, Texas
Copyright (c) 2006 Wendee Holtcamp


It's amazing the many emotions I can go through in a day, truly. I think today I've felt sorrow, hope, regret, happiness, peacefulness, joy, mercy, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and rage. To name a few. I also am amazed at how my friends completely lift me up and I just love them! I went to work out at the gym with "stinky" (she knows who she is!) and just being around her always lifts my spirits. We're going to go celebrate our July birthdays Wednesday - Cancers Rule!!!

So-What am I not s'pposed to have an opinion
Should I keep quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cause I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled
When a female fires back suddenly big talker don't know how to act
...
This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls, shout louder
Lettin' them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down...
Never can, never will...

- Christina Aguilera, Can't Hold Us Down

Damn I'm grooving on this song right now!