balance~life is good

El Capitan in West Texas ~
A view of Guadalupe Mts National Park from the outside looking in.
Copyright (c) 2006 Wendee Holtcamp

Life is good. That's a thought that went through my head several times today, and it's been a while since I've really felt that. I feel like I'm starting to get to a new balance. You know how when you start a new relationship, everything is new, and your schedule and your life changes.? You spend a lot of time learning and growing and discovering. Sometimes it's scary. Sometimes you're mad. Sometimes you're ecstatic. I know that the past year has been a crazy one for me. The past 6 months have been a joy. And yet relationships take work. I also remember my brother once tell me that they can zap the creativity from you. In some respects I can see that. They consume a lot of your creative soul and energy. And after the beginning of something new, when you start to feel the confidence that this thing just may stick around for a while, maybe for good, even, then you start to return the balance to other parts of your life, to readjust back to not the same old, but to a new normal. And so, it feels like I'm beginning to restore the balance in my life after the inevitable change the start of something new brings.

I've been back to the gym that I've been neglecting for the past few months. Spent more time with old friends. Started reinvigorating my self-introspective life. Reopened the gratitude journal. And tomorrow, I will once again start a master cleanse, the all liquid (all lemonade) cleanse that is so invigorating to the body and soul. Last year, I did the cleanse several times. Since I met Doug I haven't at all. I credit that to the fact that he loves my cooking, and social get togethers often involve food, and I've been hesitant to take that back out of the equation, because 10 days without food means 10 days without social gatherings - or at least ones involving food (though I plan to only do it for 7 days this time, maybe even take a break in between - we shall see).

But it feels like the balance is returning. It finally feels ok to do so, like the gatherings don't have to revolve around food right now, and that I can get back to my regular normal. I feel happy. Several very good things have transpired, not big things to share but just small things that I treasure in my heart. Mostly I feel blessed by this relationship, by my friends, by the amazing church that I have and all the resources they have available and the people who go out of their way to generously give of their time and love, and my wonderful kids.

Today Doug and I went to see Sharks 3D at the Houston Museum of Natural Science and got to stop by and say hi to my friend Dan, the Curator of Vertebrate Zoology there (he writes the Beyond Bones blog for the museum too). We also went to see the Burke Baker Planetarium show Black Holes. That wasn't the best Planetarium show I've seen, but it was cool to do a couple things. In between we walked to Cafe Express at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts around the corner. That is one of my favorite resturants, and it didn't disappoint. Doug is now a convert too! The food is delish!

I love that I can play by day, and work by night. I love that my schedule is so flexible. And so many times today and the past few days I've felt so very blessed by this relationship and specifically by the man Doug is. No one knows the future, but we have been through some bumps and are the stronger for it. He is truly a good man, generous, loving, kind, and I care deeply for him as a person. I love so much about "us" and it makes me smile. I've never been good at day by day, but that's where I'm at and it's now finally working well for me.

So anyway, after a good day out, I came home and wrote a couple upcoming posts for the Animal Planet blog, and caught up on some email stuff, and then got super sleeeeeeppppyyy.... but I had to update my blog since I am feeling so at peace and knowing me, an extremely emotionally voluble person, that may change in 10 minutes - ha! So tomorrow I have to take my trusty Subaru down to get some maintenance - she's got nearly 170,000 miles on her...prayers for her health are much appreciated! I have to make her last a while longer!

The Secret Life of Bees

Highline Trail in Glacier National Park, Montana
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

"Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we're frantic, life will be frantic. If we're peaceful, life will be peaceful. And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace. Our internal state determines our experience of our lives; our experiences do not determine our internal state."
—Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

That quote by Marianne Williamson appeared in my email inbox the other day and it really spoke to me. I just emerged from a month and a half of insane frenetic activity, deadline after deadline and taking the kids all over creation since their dad was out of town a couple different times, and I realized how true that quote is. If I calm my mind and my moment by moment interactions and thoughts, I still have the same stuff on my plate, but can tackle it in a more calm and gentle manner. It also is so true in how I respond to my kids. When I am calm and gentle they are too. When I get riled at their inevitable mistakes and misbehavior, they get angry and defensive. So I'm going to try to take this message to heart.

Anyhow, I was going to blog today about steady state economics, and an effort by some ecologists to get a message to the Obama administration because it's timely and an issue I want to write about in the future, but.... nah. I don't feel like it. Today was a super lazy day! It is the first day in a long time that I have not woken to either a pressing deadline or having to take the kids around somewhere or another. I ended up getting out of bed at, get this, 1pm!! Holy moly! I had a cup of coffee and started getting caught up on the 500+ emails that have accumulated i nmy inbox (and this does not include spam, but ones that I need to reply to or sort and save). I always feel best when my inbox stays under 100 emails. Anyone else do that too?

I went to see The Secret Life of Bees with some girlfriends last night and loved it. It is based in 1964 just after the Civil Rights Act passed, and it is about a 14-year old girl who runs away from her abusive father with her black housekeeper, who had just been beaten by some white men when she was on her way to register to vote for the first time. They head to a city where the girl (played by Dakota Fanning) thought her long-since dead mom may have lived. They end up moving in with a black family (3 sisters) who run a bee farm, making honey. It stars Queen Latifah (who I love!), Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson. Though this is a fictional book, I feel it's so important for all of us to see and know this part of our history of our nation's past, the ignorance and hate that can so easily infect people and cause such horrible prejudice and crimes and violence. Love and truth are the only way to true inner and outer peace.

Oh and the movie brought back memories because my dad used to keep bees for a while during the time I livd with him. He had those same white hives, used an all-white bee suit with a hat and a mesh screen that covered his face, and used that same smoker to smoke out the bees, had that same spinner to get the honey out of the honeycomb. Boy I loved eating the honeycomb - yum!! Celeta are you reading this? Do you remember that? :)