Oregon Thanksgiving memories

My dad's "leaning outhouse of Pisa." I have to admit I worry a little bit about it falling over while I'm in it! Copyright © 2013 Wendee Nicole

Right now I'm on the MIT campus in a 3-day Knight Science Journalism Energy & Climate Boot Camp I was accepted into. There have been some fascinating lectures, not to mention fascinating journalists doing cool work. I'm in the process of planning travel to Uganda, and hopefully to the Workshop in Political Theory and Policy Analysis in Indiana which Elinor Ostrom and her husband founded, both as part of the Mongabay Special Reporting Initiative which I am now working on.

But first, I wanted to share my photos from Thanksgiving at my dad's in Oregon. But before THAT, I have to share my latest articles!

• Meeting the Needs of the People: Fish Consumption Rates in the Pacific Northwest. (or non-pdf version here. I'm proud of this piece, and it got a lot of positive attention.

  Native Americans have lived amidst the Pacific Northwest’s pristine rivers and estuaries for millennia, relying on bountiful catches of local fish and shellfish for their sustenance. Because Pacific Northwest tribal populations typically consume much more fish and shellfish than other people in the region,1 they are exposed to higher levels of toxic chemicals that bioaccumulate in aquatic life—polychlorinated biphenyls, metals, dioxins, and dozens of other toxics found in factory effluent, urban wastewater, and runoff from agriculture and cities.2,3 As a result, they—along with other groups that eat a lot of fish—face higher risks of developing cancer and other diseases attributable to these chemicals.

• PFOA and Cancer in a Highly Exposed Community: New Findings from the C8 Science Panel. PFOA is the stuff that lines Teflon pans, popcorn bags, and waterproof jackets. This is a news piece that followed another I did last year: Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension “Probably Linked” to PFOA Contamination
• I have a cool piece on a sustainable hog farm in North Carolina coming out in Discover Magazine's Notes from Earth department in April

And in no particular order…here are some images from my dad's place and my trip to Oregon. I didn't take any at Thanksgiving dinner - I was so busy eating the yummy food!

Before I went to dad's cabin for Thanksgiving, I spent a few days with my 7th grade BFF Kelli in Portland, and we went to her mom's cabin in Welches, OR and her family's restaurant, Skyway Bar & Grill - yum! I hadn't seen her mom since 7th grade!!
Kelli and I. She thinks she looks like a vampire here - haha!
Kelli and I at Skyway Bar & Grill. Her cousin gave us these cool tshirts from there!

During the trip, I got together with my two nieces, Kira (who was driving down to see my brother - her dad - with my mom and stepdad), and Mehz and her fiancé Jordan. Mehz is my brother's oldest daughter who was adopted through an open adoption 24 years ago.

Kira and I. She's growing up so fast!
Mehz and her fiance Jordan.
 
The frame of my dad's cabin

This ferny paradise looks so primeval! This is just down the driveway, before turning onto the rock road my dad's cabin is off of.

This was the forest of my youth. This fuzzy tree is just down the road from my dad's property. Love these huge mossy trees. My brother and I used to think we were so strong by pushing over old/dead still-standing trees. :)
 
A view of the cabin from the side. The front part is a greenhouse with plants.

The woodbox for the wood stove.
 
Ferns in the forest on my walk.

A view of the garden with the cabin in the distance

Another shot of the garden

Dad and Bev love to garden and I got to enjoy its bounty, both at Thanksgiving and in the stuff I got to take home.

Mint, sage, and a pumpkin from the garden.
Bev gave me homemade, canned salsa - with all the ingredients direct from the garden! It was sooooo delish. And the raspberry jam - Oh.My.God!!! Heaven!! I need to go back when the razzleberries are berrying in summer.
 
A mossy tree - maybe a huckleberry? Or maple.

I got to stop by the elementary school I attended in 3rd and 4th grade, Highland Park. What a trip!

I peaked inside a bit and took a photo before school folk came and chased me off because school was in session. I remember that my classrooms were upstairs.
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This is a view just outside the "mud room" and the main entrance.

A view right from the cabin of the sun through the trees.

When dad harvested some trees from this part of his property, he kept these three trees, which was where my brother and my tree house was located. They're bigger than they look in the picture.

Me, hugging a very large tree on my walk down the road.

Trees and sky...
 
Dad built what he and Bev affectionately call the "West Wing" about a decade ago. It wasn't there when I grew up. This is where I stay when I visit.

The road… I like to walk from the cabin a mile or so up the road to get some exercise.

This makes me sad… This was a tree stump on dad's property. In Oregon you have to replant when you log, but those trees are still very small and young. I somehow managed to not get any good pics of dad and Bev so I leave you with this awesome pic from their wedding rehearsal in 2009 - laughing as they often are!

Thanksgiving: a month of gratitude

Starry starry night! Moody Gardens Festival of Lights the day after Thanksgiving. Copyright (c) Wendee Nicole 2012

Happy post-Thanksgiving and now onto Advent season - time is flying! I had a really beautiful Thanksgiving with my mom, stepdad and son. For Thanksgiving month, I posted daily gratitude to Facebook, and I thought I'd share the ones I have done thus far in the month of November with you all - and one of them from Thanksgiving day details what made Thanksgiving so special, so I won't repeat that here.

I actually keep a daily gratitude journal in which I write down 5 things I am grateful for before going to sleep. Sometimes it's actually hard to come up with them... on an off day. But they don't have to be related to that particular day, so sometimes it's as simple as "I love my bed!" I have found, over the years, my gratitude list often relates to a phone call or a visit with a friend at Starbuck's. The second most common are when I get or complete a writing assignment! What about you? Do you have a gratitude journal, or notice particular things showing up over and over?

Here is my November special gratitude list, in reverse order.

11/27 Today I give gratitude for the struggles that I face and have faced in my past and for the life lessons I have learned from them. I just emerged (am emerging) from an extremely difficult year in my life, mostly due to a struggle with my teen daughter (who I also am very grateful for). It has been heartbreaking and nearly tore me in two, and I still don't know the outcome of this situation. I was worried for my very life for a few months, but thankfully have emerged from the deepest depths of despair I faced a year ago. I seem to have lost a couple of friends in the darkest of times even when I needed them most. I still give thanks because in the darkest times, the Lord spoke this verse to me, "[W]e also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts..." Romans 5:3-5. And I would repeat that, and sometimes write it in my gratitude journal, "I am thankful for my suffering, because it brings hope." Sometimes, even now, I have nothing left but hope. And I do cling to that hope in bringing a positive outcome to the painful events of the recent year.

11/26 I am grateful for my amazing dad, Thomas Finlay, and all the life lessons he imparted through his love of the land, nature, progressive thought, intellectualism, and so much more. I am so grateful to have lived like a "Little House in the Big Woods" pioneer in the 1970s like so few others in the US have lived - outhouse, woodstoves for cooking and heating, raising our own chickens and veggies, and so much more. I'm grateful that he fought for custody of me when I was just 8, and the life lesson I learned that I could affect the direction of my own life, and that my opinion was worth listening to. ♥ you dad! http://bohemianadventures.blogspot.com/2011/06/crackerbox-palace.html

11/25 I am thankful for my writing career! I have gotten to do so many cool things (dive with sharks: http://bit.ly/Tnty7K), trek through Nepal in search of red pandas: http://bit.ly/rTBXpz), search for cassowaries in the Australian jungle: (http://bit.ly/UF41G0), & explore the Amazon Rainforest (http://bit.ly/Qi4AH7) just to name a few! I love writing about science, the environment and my biggest passion: wildlife!

11/24 I am grateful for being able to run, and that I started running when I was in 9th grade and never stopped… exercise is a joy to me and always has been.

11/23 Yesterday's gratitude: I am thankful for all God's creatures. I love love love wildlife and most of the items on my bucket list involve seeing animals in the wild :) I also love my kitty cats!

11/22 Today I am thankful for a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with my mom, my stepdad and my son. My mom and I took a bike ride to Starbuck's and the weather was delicious - sunny and yet cool with a slight wind - tantalizingly perfect. I loved the sound of my bike tires crunching the sycamore leaves on the path, and the five brown pelican perched on a log in the San Jacinto River we rode across. And how I love the San Jacinto River, my river... with the trees all changing color... and I'm so appreciative and thankful for my mom, and all she and my stepdad have done for me in my life, much of which I didn't appreciate until well far longer than it should have taken me. I'm thankful they paid for my college and college wasn't even an option -- I was going (well my stepdad did want me to pay my way, like he did, but my mom would have none of it. She'd never been to college, and I was going). I'm thankful for the forgiveness and love she has always shown me even when I have treated her badly, and that she will always love me with a mother's love. ♥

11/21 Today: I am deeply thankful for the peace – lack of war - I experience in my city, in my nation and in the places I have traveled. Even so, I am always cognizant of those experiencing war and violence abroad – let us never grow complacent of what others suffer. (And I am thankful for the cease fire in Gaza...)

11/20 Today I’m thankful for the golden hour, and the way the world looks in these beautiful moments of dusk. Tonight on my run, the golden sun illuminated the palmettos, sweet gums, and hickory trees on my favorite part of the path, and it was just lovely.

11/19 Today I'm thankful for love. In the words of Alfred Tennyson: "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."

11/18 I am thankful for the writers and thinkers who have most influenced my thinking, my faith, my outlook, and who have inspired me (in no particular order - though Scott Peck is definitely #1 on the list for a reason): M. Scott Peck, Anne Lamott, Alanis Morissette, Beth Moore, Christy Nockels, Liz Gilbert, Henri Nouwen, John Lennon, Jesus, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Debbie Ford, Bill Moyers, Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey, Paul Cox, Helen Keller, George Orwell, Philip Yancey, CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Martin Luther, Harville Hendrix, Byron Katie. Saint Augustine, Melody Beattie, Rob Bell, Miguel Ángel Ruiz.

11/17 I forgot my gratitude yesterday - oops! So here's yesterdays: I am grateful for my sweet son Sam, who is kind, gentle-spirited, funny, smart and a gift from God to my life! ♥

11/16 Today I am thankful for a strong and healthy body! I am grateful I can work out, walk, ride bikes, run, hang upside down from the monkey bars :) I am thankful I have excellent health as do my children! A very big blessing I never take for granted, especially since as I age I know that things will start to hurt, ache, and become more difficult. Today, I live in the moment and appreciate what is!

11/15 Today I'm thankful for these beaded coasters because they represent a pivotal moment in my life when I realized I didn't need to wait for my husband (at the time) to make me happy by doing what I wanted. The responsibility for my happiness resided with me & so I went out & bought my own Xmas gift that I wanted. A small insignificant thing but truly groundbreaking in its implications.

11/14 Today I am thankful for my house, my home. I love it. It's been an awesome place to live for the past several years: safe neighborhood, spacious, colors on the walls, comfortable and I have loved having my own home as a single mom, and I'm proud of it! It's a great place to raise kids, and I will miss it when I move on from here in 2 years (the house, and my friends, but not Texas!) :)

11/13 Today I am thankful for my sweet kitten Pippin, who has given me much needed cuddles and sweetness in this phase of my life when I so need it!

11/12 Today I am thankful for sunshine! I love love love the sunshine!!!!

11/11 Today I am thankful for my friends around the world. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how you are all my dearest family and have touched my life beyond measure. Whether we are close now or were once, I will always love you all and be here for you, as you have been there for me, You are all the best people in the world and my life was forever changed by knowing you!

11/10 Today I am thankful for the gift of sight. What would the world be without it? As a fan of Helen Keller from a young age, I have always been aware and grateful for this amazing gift!

11/9 Today I am thankful for the awesome variety of fruits and vegetables and foods that are available to me, and relatively inexpensive! What a blessing!

11/8 Today I am thankful for freedom of speech -- that I live in a country where I am free to speak my mind. This right is one of the world's most precious.

11/7 Today, I am so so thankful that Obama was re-elected. It feels like a huge weight lifted off of me. I am grateful that he can fight for the concerns that I have as a citizen: global climate change, equality for all, sound science, continuing to improve the economy. I am so proud of people for getting out the vote, and though our country is in many ways divided, I am grateful for this amazing democracy. I put up with 4 extra years of Bush and survived, and now it's time for those who feel as I did then to suck it up and deal. Maybe, even, give him a chance. Bush, after all, is the one who gave us this massive deficit. So there ya go! It feels like a brand new day!

11/6 Today I am thankful for: butterscotch. Yum.

11/5 Today I'm thankful for these crisp fall mornings when I can wake leisurely, cuddled under my down comforter, read & drink tea (or, I was until my annoying cat started clawing at the carpet under the door... but I digress). Im thankful that I can work from home & set my own hours like this :)

Romantic or cynic? How about both

My best attempt at looking French! Ha ha! This is from a couple years ago.

"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times"
- Céline in Before Sunset

So, something made me remember the Before Sunrise and Before Sunset movies (a new one is reportedly being made) and so I watched them recently. Wow what a trip. In the first, two meet on a train and share 24 hours together in Vienna. Mostly the movie is dialogue. They end planning to meet again in 6 months but decide to not exchange phone numbers. Céline is the romantic and Jessie, an American is cynical in love and life, though he certainly falls for her.

Fast forward 9 years, and in the sequel, Before Sunset, he's in Paris on the last stop of his book tour. He'd written a fictional book about a love relationship that is, in fact, based on their experience. Céline shows up at the reading and they proceed to spend the next few hours together before he has to fly home. It turns out she never showed up 9 years before because her grandmother died. But he did. In this movie, she has become the cynic and he has taken from his brief encounter with her a more optimistic life view, though he also has been "stuck" in an unhappy marriage. The scene very close to the end in the taxicab is the most intense, where they both get honest about their lives and the disappointments that came from the missed connection from 9 years before, and how it affected their lives.

The dialogue from Céline resonated so closely to my own life, and my feelings. She is an environmental activist working for the Green Cross, and the way she talks she uses this playfully sarcastic tone where she tells the truth but in a slightly joking self-deprecating way, that can't totally be captured in the dialogue here but it's VERY MUCH the way I talk, myself. (In fact my daughter recently told me she sometimes can't tell when I am joking and when I am not - I use a lot of deadpan humor...)

Here's a link to the scene on Youtube the cab dialogue starts at 0:50 seconds in. This is just her part of the cab dialogue. [His part is equally interesting but since I'm relating it to me, that's not important here...]

Céline: "For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is."

Jesse: "Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?"

Céline: "Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!"

Jesse: "No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved..."

Céline: "Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone, it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and after you've been screwed over a few times you, you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but they were no real connection, or excitement."

And so watching the movies made me think back to the time, some 6 years back, when I started this blog. And I decided to write my love life (much of which has only been very subtly written about here) in a 5-act play - somewhat tongue-in-cheek!

Act 1: Marry handsome, intelligent man. Become someone you aren't in order to try to be/appear the perfect wife and mother, all the while failing miserably at making either party happy. Divorce (after 13 years).

Act 2: See light at the end of the tunnel. Project all hopes and dreams of love and happy-ever-after onto poor unsuspecting guy (who lives 2 hours away). Light is actually a runaway train that smashes headlong, very shortly after the light is first seen. Fall into deep depression.

Act 3: First online dating experience turns into worst nightmare. Military guy (who lives in WA but was in Iraq) convinces me I'm everything-he-wants-in-a-woman (flattering, ego-boosting, romantic-love-idealizing). Go on cross-country adventure. Think I fall in love. Meet a few more times... Intuit something is wrong, break up but really hoping it will work out in the end. He bolts (not what I expect). Months later, I learn he had several other "loves of his life" around the U.S. Complete shock and disillusionment. The beginning of the death of romanticism. The beginning of my blog.

Act 4: Three years of singledom pass. Meet passionate, intriguing, spiritual Aussie on boat while wrangling sharks. Halfway across the planet. (Anyone see a pattern?) His attention is flattering, and dreams of our potential shared adventures exciting. Date four months before realizing Aussies like to drink. A lot. A lot a lot.

Act 5: Meet guy in my city!!! Such a huge accomplishment I date him for 2.5 years. Break up 9,999 times. Get engaged. Break it off. Knew he wasn't right about 6 mo in. Why did I stay? You tell me. Finally end it for realsies....Lonely for the first time in a while.

Act 6: Perhaps: Meet knight in shining armor who will carry me off into the sunset!? One can dream.

It got me thinking, though, how (if at all) have I grown since that time in 2005 when my naive still-romantic-believe-in-love side started to die, or, perhaps, grow more realistic. I am in many ways a lot more cynical about love... but I have not yet given up on the idea completely. So here's what's changed in good ways (just off the top of my head):

1. I am far, far, far more aware of how I idealize love, and how I need to be more realistic, while not sabotaging my chances at actual happiness. Balance is key.
   
   
2. I am far, far, far more aware of the fact that trust should be not granted automatically, but needs to be built slowly.
   
   
3. Generally speaking I am much happier and very content with the life I have lived the past several years. I've created an awesome, fun, adventurous career and life and nurtured several intimate friendships with women who I adore and respect. I am supporting myself, living my dream - really an amazing blessing!
   
   
4. I feel like I am hearing from God again (no, I'm not crazy!) but feeling the gentle whispers in my heart guiding me to make right choices and to be gentle with myself when I make mistakes. And ...
   
   
5. I actually have a lot more self-love than before. I don't mentally beat myself up when I make mistakes. I don't dwell on it and I forgive myself (as I know the Lord forgives me!)

So there ya go. A nice round of introspection as we turn the corner on Thanksgiving 2011. If I don't get a chance to blog tomorrow (today), may you all have a truly blessed Thanksgiving! As for me, I am staying home, my myself, researching an article. Lame but true. I'm skipping the holiday this year!

Thanksgiving!

Doug, me, and the kiddos at the Gaylord Texan Ice! ice sculpture exhibit. They give out these giant parkas for everyone since it is inside a tent kept at 9 degrees F!

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my mom and stepdad's place in Dallas. Doug came with me, plus I had the kiddos this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. As I've mentioned here before my mom and I sometimes butt heads (or should I say, we can't be around eachother for more than 48 hours without driving eachother completely crazy). But this trip went amazingly well. I've been hoping for my spiritual growth and patience to rub off on how I am around my maternal unit, and I think perhaps it's finally kicking in. Or maybe it's just that Doug was there and his energy diffused everything that could potentially have arisen - he makes my kids laugh, and makes everyone laugh, and we had a lot of fun. Or maybe it's because we only stayed 3 and a half days. Regardless, it was a success!

We drove up Wednesday, and worked out with my mom at her gym. She lives in a suburb made for people 55 and older, which has its own workout facility. Mom and Skip got out a 1000 piece puzzle and they all started working on it, while watching the movie Air Force One. On Thursday was spent the day preparing the turkey, mashed potatoes and other goodies and we watched The Bucket List (I'd seen it before but the kids hadn't) and played Trivial Pursuit. Skip's mom, Jane, came over for turkey dinner and we said a prayer and went around and said a couple of things we were thankful for. On Friday, mom and Skip treated us to the Ice! exhibit at the Gaylord Texan, which was really quite interesting - see pics below.

Honestly it was pretty expensive for what you see, and it's like 50 minutes of standing in line for 15-20 minutes of walking through the ice sculptures, but the story behind it is amazing. First we were herded into a room where you stand and watch an 8-minute movie about the making of the ice sculptures. Apparently there's an outdoor ice festival in Northern China where these artisans sculpt ice into incredible things - now that is something I'd like to see. It's called the Harbin Ice and Snow Festival. Because it's so cold, the ice stays there on its own, but in Texas, that won't happen, so instead they create the sculptures in a huge air-conditioned tent at 9 to 12 degrees F.

It was darn cold in there! And yes, we're causing global warming to see ice sculptures. They bring the Chinese artisans to the U.S. to sculpt the ice into various things. This year's theme was A Charlie Brown Christmas. Honestly, I'm not a huge Charlie Brown fan. I don't dislike it, but I'm just not a super huge fan so it was not as exciting as say, sculptures of dragons and castles like they have in China. But honestly the skill and time that goes into creating them is quite amazing. They use colored blocks of ice. And there's a big ice slide that we all went down at the end. And we took some fun photos. That evening, my mom took the kiddos out to dinner and Doug & I went to hang out with some friends and had a blast playing games, like Things! I'd never heard of it but it was so much fun! I will have to get a game so we can have some couple game nights around here. It reminded me of Balderdash, and some of my life's fondest memories are laughing my butt off with my friends Laurie & Jason playing Balderdash during Thanksgivings in Mississippi in my "other life."

Great grandma Jane, grandpa Skip (my stepdad), me and Doug, and Sam and Savi at my mom and Skip's place for Thanksgiving dinner
Savi making one of her beautiful faces! This is standing in line for the Ice! exhibit. Savi decided to make as miserable of a face as she could (since she always either makes faces or refuses to smile for pics! I promise she really wasn't as unhappy as she looks!) Doug and I in the Ice exhibit. :) My mom took this pic of us near the Snoopy house, and then ...
And 5 seconds later I slipped and we fell!
My mom and I.
Doug and the kids looking through the ice wreath.
Me and the kiddos.
The perfect background for us - Lucy's Psychiatric Help booth.
The Gaylord Texan hotel had a big holiday/Christmas decor all throughout in addition to the Ice exibit so this is Doug and I in front of one of the trees.
A closer up view. I like this pic.
Nikki and I were buds from high school who reconnected years later online. We've gotten together a few times when I come to Dallas.
The pictures didn't turn out great because they were out of focus, but this is Nikki in her beautiful new home, her friend Tiffany, me and Doug. Tiffanys boyfriend and Nikki's husband were also there just not in the picture. And I'll leave you with my favorite apple pie recipe: Bottom-Crust Apple Pie, which I made for Thanksgiving! I didn't make my own crust but bought them.

8 firm McIntosh or Granny Smith apples, peeled and thinly sliced
1/2 cup sugar, 1 tsp cinnamon, pinch mace, pinch nutmeg
1/4 cup flour

1. Preheat oven to 375.
2. Center pastry shell in pie plate. Place the apple slices in the pastry and sprinkle with sugar, flour and spices mix (I actually tossed the apples in the mix before dumping it into the pie pans. I also didn't have Mace - you can sub pumpkin pie spice, allspice, or cloves. I used allspice).
3. Top with crumb topping.
4. Bake ~ 45 minutes. Let cool slightly.

Crumb topping
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, cut in 1/4 inch pieces
1/2 cup flour
3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 cup rolled oats

In food processor, cut butter into flour until it resembles coarse meal. Mix in sugar and oats, and spoon over apple filling. Yum!

a deep breath

Two hoatzins (Opisthocomus hoazin) on Cocha Blanco (White Lake) in the Peruvian Amazon near Blanquillo. See my other Peru photos!
Copyright (c) 2006 Wendee Holtcamp

Well hello!

It has been a crazy last few months, I tell ya. I am finally starting to breathe a long sigh of relief (though the final sigh to end all sighs will come after my book is fully approved and edited!). Writing that book, the draft that is, has taken me - from proposal to now - five years!!! At times I didn't think I'd finish, I didn't know if I wanted to, I thought I didn't have anything new to say, I questioned who was I to write a book on this topic, no one would listen, no one would care, it sucked, and on and on and on. But I felt some relief in hearing at least two writers say that they had very similar feelings. One was Liz Gilbert, the author of the amazing runaway besteller Eat, Pray, Love. She wrote about her feelings of the book's inadequacy (ie it sucked) on her website's Thoughts on Writing page. Another was Rachel Held Evans, who I met online because of her book on a similar topic - Evolving in Monkey Town - which is due out by Zondervan Press soon. I know that such thoughts are held by many writers in the long process of writing their books. And another thing, I've long since let go of the thought that if it didn't become a critically acclaimed bestseller, I was a massive failure. I can almost guarantee you, it won't. And I'm ok with that. At this point I just want it published!! Of course I'd be thrilled with wonderful sales and good reviews, but with the topic being so controversial (evolution and Christianity) I have no doubt there will be some authors on various sides of the fence slamming it. We'll see.

Regardless of all that, I feel a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a long time because having the book incomplete felt like a huge weight on my shoulders. On top of having the book to write, I had tons of other writing to do in order to pay bills, plus my kids, my boyfriend, and the stress of life in general kept me so busy I hardly had time to write the book in the way that would serve it best - start on it and focus on it and finish it. That's why I went to Montana, and that turned out to be a huge blessing! Then as soon as I turned in the draft, I had a nearly 3,000 word feature due a couple weeks later, and now I have to write several blogs for my Animal Planet blog post to line up for when I'm out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday and my drive home from Pennsylvania to Texas. But I feel a whole lot lighter in my load right now!

In the past few months, Doug and I attended a 7-week Couplehood as a Spiritual Path workshop, a Christian-based workshop based on author and psychologist Harville Hendrix's bestselling book Getting the Love You Want (which is secular). Reading that book changed my life, and I tried to apply the techniques within my marriage many years ago, but the hard thing is if you don't practice it regularly, it doesn't become second nature. Then you don't end up using it when it counts, when you're upset. I wanted to introduce Doug to the concept now rather than later, even though every other couple in the class was married (and the fact that he will attend a class like this says so much to my heart about him!). I missed two of the sessions because I was in Montana but the ones we attended truly helped communication in our relationship. It can be so difficult to overcome some of those behaviors that we bring from our childhoods, the fears that prevent us from doing things or lowering our walls, or the triggers (buttons) that get pushed and make us over-react. But I believe self-awareness is the first step, and then the committment to start to change, to move in the direction of greater love and greater empathy for one another.

The final day we got a "Roadmap to Change" that includes the following advice:

Do this daily for the rest of your life:

• Spend a few minutes a day praying for your relationship
  
• Do at least one caring behavior for your partner
  
• Send your partner an appreciation (ie say one thing you appreciate about your partner)

Do this weekly for the rest of your life:

• Visualize and review your Relationship Vision (something we created in the workshop)
  
• Engage in a shower of blessings (this is where one partner sits on a chair and the other person walks around them saying praises about that person - first physical attributes, then behaviors, then character traits then general affirmations - in an increasingly loud voice so you end up yelling loving things by the end! It counteracts the negative stigma we have with raised voices and replaces it with loving affirmations). I can say when Doug did this for me, it truly made an impact on both of us. It was a transformative moment.
  
• Take turns planning at least one high-energy fun activity per week
  
• Create new gifts of change (ie decide one small, measurable behavior you will change for your partner and then tell them you want to do it as a gift to them).

A central part of this is the concept of mirroring, which is a pretty standard technique in psychology circles. You repeat back what your partner says verbatim, or as close as possible, to make sure you got it right. And then you go through the steps of validating it and empathizing with them. It's a lot harder to do than it sounds!

If I don't get a chance to post again before Thanksgiving, have a very blessed Thanksgiving!!

Conversations with God

Tasmania's Mount Field National Park. I chose this photo today because it reminds me of Olympic National Park where I'm headed in a couple weeks- very similar habitat!
Copyright (c) 2006 Wendee Holtcamp

A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."
- Stephan Hoeller

As I was sitting and waiting for Sam to work on his science fair project I got out my Atlas and started looking at Oregon and Washington and figuring out some of the places I want to visit while I'm there. I am renting a car and will be driving up from Portland to my dad's log cabin which is NW of Portland, and also up to Washington state to visit my cousin and her family. I am craving the gorgeous temperate coastal rainforests of this place, and the overall culture of the Pacific NW. When I was growing up, my dad's place had old growth temperate coastal rainforest - or very similar with maybe slightly less rainfall- though much of it is now gone, but I have many fond memories of this lush overgrown wet misty forest with old rotting logs, which I'd push over and climb over. Ah, paradise.

I watched Twilight with my kids the other day and it's filmed in Washington and it made me long for home!! It's soooo amazingly gorgeous there (if you go to the link the trailer shows some of the footage). The last time I was at Olympic National Park was about 20 years ago, when my dad and I camped and hiked there. Every time I visit I want to go back but never have. This time I'm going!! I may go alone, I'm not sure. All I know is that when I looked at those two states' maps, I wanted to just run away and spend about 6 months exploring... I miss "home" so much. The place I think I want to visit is the Quinault Rainforest. Look at how amazing this place looks!
I started exploring online where to go, and talked to my dad and apparently the place I remember is actually in Mt. Rainier National Park... Grove of the Patriarchs (the pic there doesn't do it justice). I just remember these trees SO huge that you can hardly believe that such amazing living giants actually exist.

Yesterday, thanksgiving, I spent the afternoon with my friend Georgia, her husband Brendon and their family. After eating an awesome very delicious meal, we watched the movie Conversations with God. It is a movie about the author Neale Donald Walsch and how he came to write the books by the same title. Essentially he became a homeless man and had lost everything, and then finally got a job as a radio DJ, but then lost that when the company went bankrupt, and he had just rented an apartment. So he started scribbling questions to God in a notebook, and then started hearing answers. Volumes poured out of him, as he describes it coming from somewhere outside of him. I haven’t read the books, but plan to see what they say. One thing that was in the movie that stood out to me was him giving a lecture from his book, and someone asked him if he could summarize what the books said in one paragraph, what would he say? He said, I could say it in 5 words: You have me all wrong (God).

So anyway I went to Walsch's blog today, where he asked in the Blame Game entry, “Is it unloving to observe and comment upon the unloving behaviors of others? Does love for the despot allow the despot's behavior to continue unnoticed?” Given that I’m very frustrated with my mother’s behavior towards me, which is all mixed in there with my general anger and frustration and unforgiveness (despite attempts to) for the childhood issues I dealt with and still deal with… I found the topic very relevant. He also asked:

“Are the words that follow an equally wonderful example of love...? ‘You hypocrites! You viper's brood...’”

Which are, of course, words of Jesus when he was angry at the money-changers at the Temple. Jesus even chased them out of there with a knotted rope. Walsch continues:

“I surmise from these incidents that Jesus felt there was a rightful place in human discourse for calling someone to task.”

I agree. In fact, I’ve once heard the work of ministry is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable (or something to that effect). So the last thing I’ll post is that one of Walsch’s readers, Adam, commented this, which I agree with:

“Being enlightened doesn't mean you can't get angry. It doesn't mean you can't call a spade a spade. And it is hardly critical or insulting to tell the truth.”

So the whole blog topic was also interesting to me because just the other night I read in Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward that she recommends confronting the parent(s) with the specific issues, even if you think it will never make a difference in the relationship. She says you either do it in person or by letter. I have often tried to communicate my concerns to my mom (don’t worry she doesn’t read my blog – but I wouldn’t care if she did…as Walsch says, sometimes a little chagrin never hurt anyone if it illumines the truth, or as author Anne LaMott says if you didn't want to be written about you should have behaved yourself better in the first place!). However, my attempts to communicate my feelings at how she treats me are always met with denial and blame. However I haven’t followed the specific guidelines given in the book, and I may do that. The thought completely stresses me out, though. It’s far easier to avoid, isn’t it?

The other relevant thing is that my best friend Daline recommended Byron Katie’s The Work regarding the issues with my mom. She is coming to Texas in February I think, and she couldn’t say enough positive stuff about her, and said she absolutely transforms lives and relationships. I know Alanis also has linked to Byron Katie’s work. I will definitely check it out.

Anyway I'm going to hopefully have some nice conversations with God in the coastal temperate rainforests of my youth in a couple weeks :)

Georgia's son L with a toad that I showed him yesterday when I was over there for Thanksgiving, and he then became obsessed with it for the next hour! :) He's such a cutie. See the toad is on the rock to the right, obscured slightly by grass.

Georgia in her Chicago hat!

Savie giving a piggyback ride to Georgia's daughter M.

The kids playing basketball. They also played flag football!

Brendon's dad carving the turkey.

Lots of yummy food! :)