Roaming around Madison, Wisconsin

 UW-Madison badgers! Copyright (c) 2012 Wendee Holtcamp

Just returned from a few days in Madison, Wisconsin. It was my first time in Madison, though not my first time in Wisconsin (I had previously tubed the Apple River when I was a teenager and living in Minneapolis). I was there for the Science Writing in an Age of Denial conference which was really cool.

A shot of the staircase inside the Wisconsin Institutes for Discovery, where the Monday sessions of the conference were held (not to be confused in any capacity for the Discovery Institute in Washington! A totally different animal - though the DI is a classic think tank for science denial...).

I'll post more about the conference, but for now I wanted to leave you with some photos out and about Mad-town and my adventures with my friend Theresa, one of my BFFs from 8th and 9th grade when I lived in Minneapolis.
  

(I should mention I have an adorable snoozing 6-week old kitten on my lap?! I just got home yesterday and a friend texted me a photo and was all, do you want a kute tinee kitteh? And I'm all, are you kidding me? Who can resist its charms? Yes! Even my 17-year daughter whose all emo and angsty lately couldn't resist the kitteh cuteness. But I digress. More on the kitteh of cuteness later.)  

Theresa and I hadn't seen each other in... we calculated it at 27 years... and we had so much fun! We'd kept in touch by email and Christmas letters, but my travels had not taken me to the northern states so this was the first pop to see her! This is a photo taken on my Android using the Vignette app, which I love. 

 

We did so much in a day and a half! She arrived as my conference was winding down, and we walked a mile or so from UW-Madison campus over to State Street where there are lots of shops and restaurants. This Rastafarian banana cracked me up! 

 The window of this one shop had all sorts of these and they were so funny! I particularly liked these two. 

And of course this one is particularly relevant right now! I shoulda bought it for myself for Mother's Day... 

  

We went into this one shop where I bought a "Jesus was a liberal" button. And took a photo of this bumper sticker. If you don't agree, don't shoot the messenger!  

We walked over to "the square" where the Wisconsin State Capitol building is (no more protesters, but I did hear one "RECALL WALKER" rant in the distance). There are several shops around and we explored and photographed the Capitol building the inside of which is incredible!  

This is another self-portrait of me and Theresa outside the Capitol.  

There are tons of tulips outside the Capitol building of different colors and I thought they were so pretty. Kind of a cool retro image.

   

This is a tree outside the capitol building. 

   

And a church across the street. 

   Inside the capitol dome area.    
A black and white image of the same view.  Inside the dome is amazing and photos just absolutely can't capture it!  Another self-portrait of me and T inside the capitol.  

The whole reason we walked to the Capitol in the first place was on a hunt for cheese. Someone had recommended the store Fromagination, and we walked there, and arrived right as a busload of tourists did - like 50 people! So we left and went to the Capitol and came back after they were gone. They had tons of samples and we walked around sampling cheese and crackers and spreads. Yum!  

Do you think I went a little overboard on the cheese purchase? We bought some and wine for later at the B&B we were staying at. 

   

The other reason we went to Capitol Square was because that's where the foodie restaurant I'd picked out was located. It's called Graze! It's in the building with all the windows, and these are the tulips from the Capitol lawn. Nice huh!

   Cool shot huh!  

We sat outside because the weather was drop-dead gorgeous - sunny and 60ish (see I didn't die of frostbite in the Himalayas of Wisconsin, y'all!). I had the Crispy Smoked Tofu served over toasted farro with smoked mozzarella, asparagus and other garnishes. It was delish and I wish I'd taken a photo! Theresa got the trout. After we ate, we walked back to the campus where Theresa parked, and drove 15 minutes or so out of town to the Token Creek Eco-Inn B&B.  

I will blog separately about the way cool B&B - it's so cool - but for now here's a pic of the door! We stayed up late drinking wine and eating cheese (after a big dinner!) and then went to our room, where we proceeded to laugh our fool heads off over the Bloggess's Giant metal Chicken named Beyonce blog post (I am reading her AWESOME book Let's Pretend This Never Happened, which I picked up in the bookstore at the airport, and I NEVER have time to read but I've read the whole thing except a few pages and I don't want it to end!) And then we went outside and looked at the stars, and then downloaded Skymap app so we could see the Southern Cross through the bottom of the Earth below us... and then I couldn't sleep! LOL. 

 

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that when I flew to WI, I had a 3-hour layover in Minneapolis, so my other BFF Kris picked me up from the airport (I also hadn't seen her since high school) and we went by my old house... see below... 

 

I totally remembered the house style and the lawn, but I didn't remember the color. Maybe they painted it. This is where I ran away from home for exactly one night, and slept in the car garage and my parents never came looking for me. And where I punched my stepdad in the nose after he chased me out to the garage. As Kris said, I was a force to be reckoned with. Or something like that. :) Even in 8th grade - ha! And that was well before my wild child days really began!

Heading to Wisconsin. Cheese anyone?

 Mount Kanchenjunga in eastern Nepal, the world's third tallest peak (or, "how a Texas-sunshine-lover views the frigid far north of Wisconsin, where I am heading...").
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp.

In a couple days I embark on my next adventure. This time it's to the far north! Well far enough that my memory of the place is that my boogers froze and my nose turned red and icy between my front door and the bus stop, which actually was directly outside of my house. Yep, I lived in Minneapolis, Minnesota for a couple of years of my life - 8th and 9th grade - and about the ONLY thing I remember from that time (besides my friends) was the cold-ass winters. Only I didn't call them that, then. I had moved there from Portland, Oregon, where I'd only spent a year, and from there I moved to Houston where I graduated from high school. I made some great friends there, and yet despite my connecting with friends from almost every other place in the US where I have lived, I have never seen any of my friends from Minneapolis since high school. That is about to change!

Technically, what brings me to the far north is a really cool conference: Science Writing in an Age of Denial, held at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I heard about it a few months back and just knew I had to be there. What a cool topic! As some of you know, the whole issue surrounding evolution and Christianity is a long-time passion of mine, and so this was something I really wanted to write about (and yes, I have an assignment!). It's a 2-day conference, and I'm really excited about it. I'll be staying at the Wisconsin Union hotel, which looks pretty nice and is adjacent to where the conference events are held.

But here's the even cooler part: I will be seeing two of my friends from Minneapolis while there! First, I have a three-hour layover in Minneapolis so my friend Kris is picking me up from the airport and taking me by my old house, and then out to eat yummy Thai food or something. We are both super excited.

And then, after the conference, I will be spending a day and a half with my other friend Theresa, who is driving to Madison from Minneapolis to visit me. We have found a super cool looking B&B that is ecofriendly. I got a recommendation from some other writers and local Madisonites, and this one was the coolest I could find. It's called Token Creek Eco-Inn and we are staying in the Capitol Room Suite! Other than that, Theresa and I have planned to go visit this cool thing about an hour outside Madison called House on the Rock. I don't know a whole lot about it but Theresa wanted to go and it looks way cool!

Oh - ha ha - I have to mention a funny conversation I had with Theresa about the weather there. I was like, what has the weather been? She was all, it's warm like 60 in the day and 40-50 at night. And I was all, in Texas, that is winter weather, and I would wear jeans and a hat and a sweater. She was like, ha ha everyone here is putting on summer shorts and t-shirts! Then she added, you will want to bring a light jacket or something for evening, and I'm all uh-huh right, I will pack my down North Face jacket! :)

Journey into Healing Day 4 & 5

Santa Monica beach. Copyright (c) 2012 Wendee Holtcamp

“This week will be like a tsunami of mind-blowing information.” – Davidji

I can't believe it's been a month since I updated my blog- my bad! I have been working on an article on the whole H5N1 (avian flu) brouhaha and the associated "dual use" dilemma - something your average scientist, let alone your average person, has not heard of. Dual use means research that could be used for good or evil. In the case of the H5N1 research, there are two studies where scientists made the deadly bird flu (which kills something like 60% of known infected people) more transmissible, and hence better suited to be turned into a biological weapon. The question becomes: should this research have been done?! Now that it has, should it be published? That has been the subject of a heated debate over the past 4 months that has totally flown under the radar of the general public. Science has a whole section that highlights past articles on this issue so you can get up to speed, if you are interested.

So I wanted to finish my blogging on the awesome Journey into Healing workshop, and share some of my highlights, and then leave you with a few last photos. And by the way, this workshop has been life-changing for me in that I have meditated for 30 minutes every morning except for two, and on a couple days I've done twice daily meditations (usually when I'm particularly stressed). I am really enjoying the practice.

My highlights...

• Valencia Porter is a medical doctor who has amazing credentials, and she also specialized in environmental health, which fascinated me since I have been doing so much writing in this area lately. In one of her talks, she described the Ayurvedic wellness perspective, which is to treat the whole person – body, mind, and soul. She said, “If all your tests come back fine, even if you still feel like crap, you’re ‘healthy’ according to the Western model." But according to the Ayurvedic view, illness is the absence of vibrant health in any one of these three areas, and it aims to not only treat the whole person but also sees people as individualistic rather than a one-size-fits-all view. It's very much NOT about just prescribing medication until the symptoms go away, as Western doctors so often do today.
  
  
• In one of Davidji's talks, his descriptions of "doshas" -- vata (air), pitta (fire) and kapha (earth) -- were hilarious! He is such a talented speaker, as he is just plain funny and his passion for the subjects comes through. He had us all in stitches. In an Ayurvedic approach, one's diet, medical treatment, behavioral care, etc, can depend on your constitution or dosha. I hope to write more about this in the future but there's tons o' info online about doshas if you are interested! Which do you think I am?
  
  
• Last, in one of Deepak Chopra's two talks, he said something in passing that I just loved. In his lilting Indian accent, he said “And if I don’t like a thought... ‘NEXT!’” It was funny, simple, and extremely profound. In other words, we can just tell the thoughts we don’t like to scram. And I have literally said this - NEXT! - to several of my thoughts over the past month. Try it - to works!
  
  
• And last but not least: RPM - Rise, Pee, Meditate! :)

My roommate Suzi (from Ireland), Paige (she came up on the second to last day to hang with me at the La Costa Resort) and me.

I loved these "tree of life" paintings they were selling. I got a 5x7 card of one. They come in all sorts of colors.
Davidji, Peaches the Buddha Princess and me on the last day.

California winter days

Me in Santa Monica at Will Rogers State Park. Copyright Paige LaCombe Photography
Paige and I spent yesterday together, and we went to visit our friend Dana who lives in Topanga Canyon. First though we stopped by Intelligentsia, a coffee shop on Sunset Blvd. A random person took this one with my cell phone.
Next to Intelligentsia there is this graffiti mural wall that says I never hated anyone. We loved it. Next we stopped at a great foodie restaurant - True Food Restaurant - in Santa Monica where we met up with Dana! It was a beautiful day and we sat outside on the patio and took photos and Dana and I exchanged our respective turquoise necklaces because it was Monday, the "day of giving and receiving" according to the 7 Laws of Success by Deepak Choptra!This is a self-portrait of me and Paige at the beach in Santa Monica using Paige's awesome new Canon Mark 2! She is starting a photography business and is really excited about it! (Copyright (c) 2011 Paige LaCombe)This is a phone photo I took of the beach. We just sat and listened to the waves for a while. I meditated both with my eyes closed, and open watching the sparkles of the afternoon sun dance on the indigo waves. I had the most peaceful feeling that things were exactly right in the universe at this moment in time.
Next we went to Dana and Ron's house in Topanga Canyon for dinner. I love the meditation room Dana designed there - isn't it cool?
Dana's 13-year old daughter Rachel Riley played guitar and sang for us - wow! She is an incredibly talented young lady! Check out her Youtube channel - it even has original songs. I would say I thought it was even more powerful in person though! Dana made us an amazingly delish dinner, and we played "20 questions" and it was a lot of fun. Then we headed back home (to Eagle Rock)
Renata, Paige, Kim and me hanging out at Paige & Renata's place!

Journey into Healing Day 3

Copyright (c) 2012 Wendee Holtcamp

Another busy day at the Journey into Healing workshop, but tomorrow is the highlight for me - Byron Katie will be here in the evening! She is a true luminary and I want to do "the work" with her if I get the chance but my ego is going nutso - like I can't, I'll look stupid, I'll make a fool of myself, I'm scared... I don't know if I'll get the chance or not but I really would like to. She isn't associated with the Chopra Center per se, as far as I know, but is more like a speaker that is coming in presenting at the workshop. The Journey into Healing and the Seduction of Spirit are the Chopra Center's two signature workshops - this one focusing on health and overall well-being and the other more focused on meditation and spiritual well-being and healing.

When we did instruction on meditation over the past couple of days, they said that people often need less sleep. And I kid you not, I woke at 5:30am, 30 minutes before my alarm was set! We had 6:30am yoga so I got up and was rustling around and didn't want to wake my roommate so I dressed and went outside to sit and journal and drink hot tea. It was a lovely morning and the almost full moon was setting and it was chilly but slightly warmer than yesterday. Then it was yoga, followed by group meditation (sitting silently for 30 minutes, repeating the mantra you're given silently) and then a break and then more talks. We learned more about Ayurvedic health and medicine by Dr Suhas Kshirsagar, which was very interesting, a talk by Dr Sheila Patel on food as medicine, and we had an Ayurvedic cooking demo by Teresa Long. The lunch was vegan again and with a Latin flair - chile relleno, marinated tofu, rice, guacamole and salsa plus fresh greens and cilantro dressing. OMG so delicious! In Ayurveda, they serve the biggest meal at lunch with a lighter meal at dinner. I'm actually not on the dinner meal plan so my roomie and i have been eating at the restaurants at the resort on our own but they also serve some vegan/Ayurvedic options as well as "regular" options.

Deepak spoke again this morning also and this lecture was a bit more on the level. It was quite good. I will have to add some conference highlights and quotes when I get more time. In the afternoon we had another group meditation and then another yoga session There are three options - beginner, advanced and chair yoga. Now i would've gone to the advanced every time but this morn i was running late and accidentally followed y roommate into the beginner, and this afternoon we decided to try chair yoga just because I'd never heard of it and wanted to see what it was like. I thought maybe it would be moderate but no, it was really simple stretches on the chair, but good nonetheless. I'm excited about the regular advanced yoga tomorrow.

Well it's 11pm and I have to arise at 6am (unless of course i arise at 5:30am again!) so I'll catch up later. Tomorrow i may not blog because Paige is driving in and we are going to hang out here and maybe hit the hot tubs in the evening! Have a great day - and don't forget to meditate! I am really liking it!! It's amazingly peaceful and calming to sit in silence and still your mind.

Journey into Healing Day 2

The fountain at night - earth, fire, water, air, space. Copyright (c) 2012 Wendee Holtcamp

Today was so full I don't know where to begin. The workshop has been a lot more lecture than I expected, and less meditation, but that could be because I missed half of the afternoon group meditation because I ran back to my room. Tomorrow we have yoga at 6:30am, so I need to get to sleep soon.

I'll just give the highlights... Deepak (Chopra, of course) spoke at 715 this evening, about the fundamental nature of reality - is there a physical and spiritual realm, or is everything manifest in the physical realm (the view of many scientists) or alternately (Deepak's view) is everything spiritual or manifest in a non-physical realm. It was a pretty deep talk, and he isn't a super animated speaker. He had some profound thoughts and the discourse reminded me of the philosophers of old, like Descartes, etc. And what he said made clear sense in an abstract, obscure way. And that's the "other hand" - that the stuff he was speaking about was somewhat obscure and more philosophy than 'practical matters'. I have never seen him speak or heard him on his radio show or read his books (other than the one on world peace) and I have no idea whether he's normally in a somewhat low spirit (low energy) or whether it is due to the very recent death of the co-founder of the Chopra Center, David Simon. Both are MDs, and they founded the center many years ago and worked side by side. Simon got cancer a couple years ago and just passed away in January. At any rate, I didn't come here for Deepak, per se, but for the overall experience, and that has been great. My favorite part of what Deepak shared was a guided meditation on the different types of awareness (awareness of the physical body, of the senses, of mental space itself, and of relationships). It got me into this state of bliss and peace. It was weird because at first I had a sense of irritation and stress, and then I started to feel bliss. It wasn't a long meditation, only like 15 minutes or less. Then I was very tired!

The rest of the day was filled with lectures. I was actually super excited in the morning by Dr. Valencia Porter who is an MD with a Master's in Public Health with a speciality in environmental health, which as you may know i've been writing a lot about lately. She is about my age, has two kids, and I loved her overview of mind-body connections. She has an impressive background.

The other highlight was Davidji - he talked about Ayurveda and the three "doshas" or constitutions, vata, pitta, and kapha. I won't get into the descriptions but I found it really intriguing and fun. The best part was his presentation - he's hilarious and a lot of fun to listen to. I had previously tried to figure out my "dosha" at a website and couldn't but his descriptions of the types were so funny and made it very clear. There is also a "quiz" you can take. Now I have no idea what kind of scientific basis there is for any of that part of Ayurveda, but I was surprised that there's a lot more to it than the typing/doshas. Ayurvedic medicine is from India and includes many modern practices too like surgery and other things, particularly nutrition and eating vegetarian and mostly veggies, whole grains and herbs and spices that are nutritive and healing - stuff that is certainly backed by science. Yoga/exercise is another leg of the stool. And the big thing is the connection between the mind and the body. That does not mean that it's "all in your head" or that you can heal every ailment by just meditation and yoga by any means. But I don't think there's any doubt that a lot of people in modern society could sure as hell gain a lot from doing yoga and meditation... and as Valencia showed from reviewing many studies, there's a wealth of data backing up the evidence behind the benefits of meditation in particular in everything from breast cancer to heart disease to diabetes.

The lunch was all vegetarian, mostly vegan, abundant and delicious! There was quinoa, and vegan eggplant "parmesan" and a big salad, and fresh fruit. Yum!

Journey into Healing Day 1

Hanging by the fountain of life! The Chopra Center, Carlsbad, CA. Copyright (c) 2012 Wendee Holtcamp

I am in Carlsbad, California on the so-Cal coast, 30 minutes north of San Diego and an hour and a half south of Los Angeles. I flew into L.A. yesterday morning (at an ungodly hour) for the first day of the Journey into Healing retreat at the Chopra Center. Let me just say, I could feel the anticipation, excitement, and a bit of nervousness bubbling up within me starting the day before. Mostly, I was and am just totally stoked about this. It has been a helluva month, with teenager issues, ex-husband issues, and just some generally painful losses and changes, and I needed to "get away" and I stumbled upon this from Byron Katie's website, because she will be here on Saturday of the 5-day workshop.

I flew into L.A. rather than San Diego because I would be visiting my friend Paige at the end of the experience. Wait, let me back up. I flew into L.A. for another reason. I actually "manifested" this experience! I know that may sound weird, and it's not something I normally talk about if you know me and my blog... but the reality is I'd contacted the Chopra Center to see whether they accommodated media requests, and I heard back positively from their marketing director. I was really excited, but then.... radio silence. A week or two passed and I followed up but nothing back. Finally it was just two weeks before, and I knew that airfares were about to get jacked up, so I said, I am going to go to this retreat, I just am. It's going to happen. So I bought the plane ticket to L.A. - if it didn't happen, I could visit Paige for a week. And what do you know? Two days later I heard back from the marketing peeps (she had been out sick) and it was all good. So I'll be blogging daily about the experience and perhaps will write an article at some point. I will be writing a white paper for them, as well, in exchange for comped registration.

To be honest, I'm not all that familiar with Deepak Chopra. I have only read one of his books, and it was on world peace. I came here primarily because of Byron Katie, and the indescribable draw I felt toward the need for healing. All I knew was it had experiences of yoga, meditation, lectures, and Ayurvedic medicine.

So I rented a car at LAX and headed down the coast. As I neared Carlsbad, I-5 goes right along the ocean and wow was it gorgeous! The sun was out, blue skies in every direction, and a brilliant emerald blue-green sea. I turned in at the resort and it's really gorgeous - white stucco and terra cotta tile roofs. I got into my room and my roommate had gotten in yesterday from Ireland, but she wasn't in the room. The room is really nice. A massive bathtub set in marble sets off the bathroom, and the room has a really nice view (not of the ocean - we are set in from the sea).

The first day is a half-day only for first timers. We have to complete a class in Primordial Sound Meditation that people who have been here before have already done. Registration didn't start until 1pm so I grabbed a veggie wrap at the marketplace store, and a tropical smoothie and sat in the sunshine. It felt so incredibly good. There's no humidity (unlike Houston) and it was just a quintessentially perfect sunny day. The morning in L.A. was freezing! And the temp dropped sharply at night, too But the daytime was so lovely. I sat by a fountain and ate my food and chilled until registration began.

I went in and sat towards the front, and of all the places in the world people could have and have come from, guess where the person I sat next to is from? Houston! No kidding. We had a nice chat and then the class began! To be honest, I have meditated now and then for a maximum of maybe 20 minutes. Usually when I do it, it's for about 10 minutes. I started a year or so ago saying ok I can handle ten minutes a day. I enjoyed the calming effects of it, when I did it. But I've never been trained in any technique or meditated in a group. I know that science has shown that meditation is beneficial for calming stress and improving health and wellbeing but that's about it. So I'm actually quite excited to do this more. We had a nearly two hour class on some of the benefits of meditation, and specifically Primordial Sound Meditation (taught by Amanda).

Essentially, the theory here is that the universe was putting out a sound at the time of your birth - this is based on some ancient Indian Vedic writings - and they have been turned into 108 different sounds - essentially Sanskrit words - that have no "meaning" per se (just like "ding" of a bell has no meaning). When you focus on that one sound in your meditation, it brings you back into harmony with your life purpose. Now it may sound a little cheesy, and I have no real idea about the vibrations of the universe and that kind of thing, but the point of having a sound to focus your thoughts on when it starts going all monkey-mind on you seems like a good one to me.

After the lecture, we got a time for our "ceremony" to get our individual mantras. In the mantra ceremony, I and one other woman went into a room that was dimly lit with a candle lit and a flower in a glass bowl on the table. We sat down in chairs, and the instructor talked to us about what to expect through the whole thing that lasted maybe 10 minutes. She first sang/chanted some words in Sanskrit (I'd really like to know what they mean!) and then she said our primordial sound several times, then asked us to join her in saying it aloud - first at normal pitch three times, then quieter, then at a whisper, and then silently in our mind. We then meditated with the sound for about five minutes. From now on, we won't say the sounds aloud or tell anyone what they are, not because it's some big secret thing, but because when you do, you start to associate with conversations and words and the point is to have a sound that isn't associated with anything so your mind can just focus on the sound.

I'm a pretty skeptical person about some of the "stuff" behind this but I have to share my experience. During the part during which we were saying the sound aloud and progressively quieter, I felt this spontaneous and uncontrollable desire to burst out laughing. And this wasn't out of skepticism or anything like that. It was a pure and spontaneous laughter and giggle that bubbled up in me, and to be honest I suppressed it because I didn't want to be disrespectful and make anyone think I was making fun of the process. It was actually a miraculous special sort of thing because I haven't had a lot of laughter lately... it has been a pretty tough ride the past few months. It made me happy. I liked my sound. And that's a good thing.

So I was born at 8:58pm in the Los Angeles area, and I got to thinking earlier about the symbolic meaning of that time - whether or not this means anything or not - but that is right at the time of dusk in summer, right when the sun has gone down and there may be just a hint of light. It is the time of metaphorical death, I think. The winter of the soul. I have been drawn to the concept of death lately, and because of this experience and that in our Group Meditation which took place at 6pm, where we were told to ask three questions - Who Am I? What do I want? What is my purpose? - I really have been thinking about the idea that perhaps one of my future life goals will be working with people close to death. I really am in a transitional part of my life, moving from being a mom and writer to figuring out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life after both kids leave. I have had (as the kids will attest) too many ideas to count. I have thought of opening a cafe with vegetarian food, running a "green" B&B, going to Africa for 6 months to travel, working with the poor and homeless, going to seminary...my mind is open.

After the ceremony, I individually went into the main room to meditate for 15 minutes, which we are told to do to help it get settled in. Then I went back to my room and there was my roommate! It was perfect because I had totally unplugged, turned my cell phone off with no email or text or phone service and I was so tempted to check my email on my phone earlier to see where I might run into her, but I told God, you know, I will run into her at the perfect time! And sure enough, I did. I kept my phone/email off all day and night - quite an accomplishment! Ok, I didn't really turn it off until the thing starts at 2pm but that is still a huge accomplishment for phone-addicted moi.

We then had a Group Meditation at 6pm, where we all sat in the main lecture room in chairs and meditated silently. After that I was starving! My roommate Suzi and I ate at the Bluefire Grill and I had lentils with lemongrass and basil. One of these nights I ann going to go hot tubbin! There are several on property and I love hot tubs! Well now it is 8am, and time to get started on our first full day. I'm excited to ask myself: Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose?

further wisdom

Aqueous Pool in Yellowstone National Park's Midway Geyser Basin ("Hell's Half Acre") Copyright (c) 2011 Wendee Holtcamp

When I wrote that last blog post, it felt like I had written a lot more notes/quotes than I found to share, and I was right. They were in another journal. And these are so good, I couldn't not share them. But first... my latest article is out in Environmental Health Perspectives. It's a second feature on how a neurotoxin produced by cyanobacteria ("blue-green algae") may cause or contribute to neurodegenerative disease, such as Lou Gehrig's and Alzheimer's. It is more science-heavy than the Miller-McCune feature (Did Tap Water Kill Lou Gehrig?) but really thorough!

The Emerging Science of BMAA: Do Cyanobacteria Contribute to Neurodegenerative Disease?

Back to the wisdom...

First from Saundra Dickinson at the women's retreat:

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past"
- Unknown

"How can you tell if you haven't forgiven yourself? You don't let yourself have what you really want, think what you really think, and love as you want to love. And you engage in self-defeating behaviors. A deeper acid test is this: Am I doing anything where I'm creating consequences that I'm ignoring?"
- Saundra Dickinson

From the Wayne Dyer and Byron Katie live lecture CD Making Your Thoughts Work for You.

"Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie."
― C.G. Jung (I love love love this quote!)

"The only difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment." - Wayne Dyer

"What is a good man but a bad man's teacher? And what is a bad man but a good man's job?" - Lao Tzu

“Every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing, those which average eyes would see as fixed and still” - Rumi

And I just found this one while searching for the Rumi quote:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi

Peace to all.

weekend wisdom

Daydream Island, Australia. Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

After a Friday-Saturday women's retreat at my church, I went to visit my mom and stepdad in Dallas this past weekend and on the way I listened to three different books on CD. It was a really wonderful weekend, all around. I felt inspired by many things, including reconnecting with my college BFF Joe, spending some quality time with my mama, some serious retail therapy, and some inspiration from these books, as silly as that sounds. I thought I'd share my favorites!

"If you live in your heart, magic happens."

"That's where light really comes from. You go into the darkness."

"You have one job. Figure out how do I contribute love to the world?"

"A characteristic of survivors is always their sense of humor."

- Bernie Siegel

"Anger is the appropriate response to something that is so wrong, but don't let the anger and pain and loss you feel prevent you from forgiving."
- The Shack (William P Young)

"Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees, takes off his shoes - The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries."
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Difficulties meet us at every turn. They are the accompaniment of life. They result from combinations of character and individual idiosyncrasies. ... Out of pain grow the violets of patience and sweetness. The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome."
-Helen Keller

"I have never believed that my limitations were in any sense punishments or accidents. If I had held such a view, I could never have exerted the strength to overcome them."
-Helen Keller

But what I'm really excited about is that I will be attending the Journey into Healing Workshop at the Chopra Center in Carlsbad, California starting next weekend! I am so stoked. I discovered it after visiting Byron Katie's website. Katie is a total life inspiration to me. I saw her speak in Fort Worth with Daline a couple years back, and I've got her books and done "the work" on a lot of the issues surrounding my recent events. At any rate, she will only be at the Journey into Healing workshop on one of the 5 days, and the rest will be filled with meditation, yoga, lectures and Ayurvedic lunches and more. I will surely update you all more with photos and such. I hope to try to stay offline during the workshop, but will also see Paige in L.A. afterwards. So that's the latest, and I will get back at ya soon!

Green beans and almonds. Or, the universe is fair and just

"Demon kitty" - ha ha! The flash made his eyes like lightning! I'm coming home from Dallas with a new baby! This is a stray kitty that I fell in love with... I absolutely love long hair cats, and I have been wanting a new kitty for a while. With some losses in my life lately, this is just what my soul needs - the joy of new precious fun loving life!

So, I've had an incredibly emotionally challenging few days, and Friday I got a massage and the lady was really sweet and gave me a 90-minute massage even though it was only for 60 minutes. Trust me, I really needed it that day! And you know, it brought back this memory I'd forgotten about.

About 15 years ago, when I was living in a small apartment in Pasadena with two little ones (or maybe I just had Savi, and was pregnant), and my marriage was already starting to crumble. I used to always eat these frozen green beans with almonds. I LOVED them and it was about the only vegetable I ate. It was a rectangular package of Birds Eye julienned green beans, and there was a packet inside each package of slivered almonds. The almonds absolutely MADE the green beans. One time I got a package and there was no almond packet! The horror! I was really frustrated because I was really craving them and for whatever reason, I remember that I was really aggravated.

So what do you think happened the next time I went to eat this same type of green beans? This was not another packet I'd bought at the same time, but literally I went back to the grocery store another week or so, and bought more. I opened the package and guess what? TWO packets of almonds!! I kid you not.

The message I got from God loud and clear was that that life was fair and when we lost out on things, we would ultimately receive it back. That message came to mind because the last time I got a massage a few weeks back, the lady gipped me by like 10 minutes. But then Friday, I got an extra 30 minutes! My life has been full of loss and heartbreak lately - much more than I have gotten into on this blog - and I have been having a pretty serious faith crisis. And that just started me feeling better and I've been better since. I went to a mini-women's retreat at my old church, and I started listening to this book-on-CD Making Your Thoughts Work for You, and it's so inspiring. I'm really trying to get out to the Chopra Center to see Byron Katie and attend the Journey into Healing workshop in a couple weeks and I went ahead and bought a plane ticket to LA hoping it will all work out!! I am so stoked about this workshop!! Trust me, emotionally I desperately need it! I will also visit my friend Paige - can't wait!

I'm in Dallas visiting my mom and stepdad having a nice, healing time - making amends for some rifts from the past and treating my mom to a 90-minute massage and dinner at a Greek restaurant. Today we are going to a travel show and doing some shopping. I will probably be coming home with a Macbook Pro laptop (my laptop is on its last leg, and I've been eyeing a Mac for the past 5 years or so - it's time to make the plunge!), and a new kitty, and a new lease on life. Oh and last night I got to visit with my old college BFF Joe, and his best friend Rob, and we used to have soooo much crazy fun that it's not fit to print! ha! We had lots of fun, and it was great to see them again after all these years. It was his daughter who found the stray kitty. I think she may be sad to see it go!

Joe and Rob at Thai Spice, where we went to dinner.More photos to come when I download the pics from my camera.

Mike DeGruy will be missed :(

My heart broke when I read the news a few minutes ago that Filmmaker Mike DeGruy died in a helicopter crash in Australia. I was waiting for my son to come down from his friend's apartment where he had been watching the Superbowl, and I was browsing through the Huffington Post app on my phone, and I saw a story about filmmakers dying in a crash. You never think you will actually know the people...And when I saw his name, my heart skipped a beat and my jaw dropped. Not Mike! Mike is so alive, so vibrant, so funny, so kind. Mike had a head full of silvery grey hair and a smile that lit up a room - or the boat in this case.

I met Mike when Discovery Channel sent me to Australia in 2008 to blog (Expedition Shark) during the filming of their Shark Week documentary, Mysteries of the Shark Coast.

I remember clear as day. Here's this world-famous and Emmy-award-winning filmmaker, and he was so kind, and so interested in my thoughts and views. That first night, we spent a lot of time talking about evolution and Christianity and the book I was working on (in fact, the dialogue is in my first chapter lead!), and I was likewise fascinated by his gnarled up arm. "What happened, shark bite?" I joked - since we were about to spend the next 10 days diving with sharks. "Actually... Yes." he replied. Then he told the tale of how he was attacked by a shark in Enewetak atoll when he was diving, and barely made it to the boat to be rescued. "What kind of shark?" I asked. "You don't want to know," he said. "Gray reef sharks." I didn't "want to know" because they were the very sharks we would be diving with for the next ten days... along with whitetips, silvertips, and the possible tiger and hammerhead (both of which we did see while there).

I kept in touch with Mike now and then because my ex-boyfriend Sean and I had talked about producing a documentary based on a story Sean knew about in the Solomon Islands and Mike was interested in producing it. After Sean and I stopped seeing one another I'd check in with Mike now and then by email to say hi. Our paths never crossed again but I deeply admire him and his work, and especially the sunshine with which he lit up a room and the kindness he showed me. He was one of a kind. I treasure the time I spent on that boat - it was the absolute BEST assignment of my life, hands down. You can read my experiences from the Discovery Channel blog here (Fear) and here (the rest of the Expedition Shark blogs). I also blogged about it on my Bohemian Adventures blog here (shark reflections), here (shark mysteries) and here (i love my job!).

And so life passes... my deepest condolences go out to his family and friends. He left the world a better place for his passion for the sea and the work he left behind. Tell someone you love them. Life is too short to waste. Make it count. As I wrote in the first blog of my series, Fear:

"The reality is, everything in life carries risks. Driving in my car, living in a city, bearing children, flying, crossing the street. One thing I know for certain: I risk that when I am born, I will die. But this I also have found to be true. Life is best lived in service of those who can not speak for or easily help themselves – and that includes marine wildlife."

And one thing we can say for sure, Mike lived his life - his career - in service of marine wildlife and other conservation issues that he and many others felt passionate about saving. And the world is definitely better for it. I leave you with some of my favorite images of Mike.

The guys were playing around with one of the sharks caught for research, which they kept in a kiddie pool! This is Sanjayan, Richard and Mike.
What a fun time - they climbed right in with the shark!
Mike had the greatest smile and laugh!All geared up and ready to dive.
They captured a very small juvenile shark in what they discovered was probably a shark nursery in the lagoon at the center of the atoll (Osprey Reef). This was a night dive.
Mike holding a coconut rattle, used to call in sharks.
Mike and Celine Cousteau on board the Undersea Explorer.
One of the few photos of Mike and I together (on my camera, anyway, since someone else had to shoot this from my camera!) You will be missed!

This is what love looks like

Wistful Wendee Copyright (c) 2011 Earl Nottingham (he named this image - and how apropos is wistful... "full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy")

There I was updating my blogroll when I stumbled upon a blog post written a year ago by "Maggie Dammit" that made my heart stop... Now Maggie can write. She has a way of writing that just mesmerizes, cuts deep, transfixes, and rends hearts. I also have to admit I am not a big blog reader. Just don't have time. I may stumble on a share-worthy blog post now and then, but there are few blogs I keep up with regularly - hers included. So when I read this post, I just had to share its message because it cut to my core.

First, the blog link: what my heart looks like. The key thing that reached deep into my own heart was not the post title concept - that her heart looked like an aquamarine-colored stuffed seahorse her daughter clung to as she slept, but rather the story she told, which was exactly a description of how one dear friend touched my life recently.

Maggie's older daughter drew a picture, and then got so mad at herself for being such a crappy artist, she crumpled it all up and threw it in the garbage, declaring herself the Suckiest Artist Ever.

But that wasn't the end of the story. Hours later, when they all crawled into bed, there was the original picture, smoothed out, and next to a sign written by her six-year old sister that said: "I found this in the GRBij. I ♥ it It was a Mastrpese."

There. Are. No. Words.

Maggie then talked to a friend about why this resonated so deeply with her... and came to this conclusion:

"In my life today I am surrounded by people who will pick up my crumpled pieces, smooth them out with intention, and present them back to me with a gentle kiss on the head. I hope you have these people, too. I hope you are these people for your people, and I pray my daughters remain this way."

All I can say, is wow. In my experience, and I talk deeply with a lot of people, most of us walk around with a "piece of shit" feeling inside of us. Even - sometimes more so - Christians (the guilt associated with wanting to be in a more perfect or more holy or more righteous state, combined with the continued daily failures of sin, lust, selfishness, greed - AND the self-awareness of those things - can be doubly guilt-inducing at times). But to meet people, even a single person, who can lift you out of the 'garbage can' you choose to live in - whether you were thrown there by crappy circumstances in your own life, or whether you choose to wallow there because you don't seem to know another way (like Oscar the grouch), or whether you just climb in now and then, as I do... and they not only lift you out, but they make you feel like you are a masterpiece, worthy of bringing out of the garbage can, uncrumpling, smoothing out, and pointing out their worth... these people are one in a million.

I know all about feeling like garbage. After a teenager raped a drunken 15-year old me as I was passed out in the cab of a truck, another teenager drove me home, called me a slut, and dumped me on my front lawn where I could not even walk, before peeling out of the cul de sac and leaving me there, crumpled on the lawn. Like a piece of trash. And that is pretty much what I felt like for the next 15, 20 years.

Sometimes, the people who lift us out of the garbage come in and out of our lives only for a brief time, they appear like angels from heaven... people who make you feel like you are worth something.... and they leave footprints on our hearts forever. I was made to believe that I am, perhaps, not garbage after all. And I want to build the rest of my life surrounding myself with friends who make me feel like not like I am garbage, but that I am a masterpiece worth redeeming.

My first tofu scramble

Tofu Scramble

I modified the following recipe from Kris Carr's recipe on Mightybell). It was really good!

• 2 T olive oil
• 1 container (organic!) firm tofu crumbled
• 1 leaf Swiss chard, chopped into strips
• ½ cup caramelized or sautéed onions
• ½ cup sun-dried / cured tomatoes diced (Do not forget this! It made the dish)
• ½ cup Mushrooms (I used a combination of Shiitake and Portabella)
• ¼ cup nutritional yeast (this was too much for me - I'd reduce it by about half to 1/8 c)
• 1 T tamari or shoyu (I used tamari)
• ½ tsp coarse sea salt
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp Herbes de Provence

Some of the ingredients! I get sun-dried tomatoes at my grocery store super cheap - that bag is about $2.99 I think. Organic tofu is not any more than non-organic. And I had some dried mushrooms that I rehydrate. Save the liquid and use later for recipes! Shiitake mushrooms have weight reducing properties.

Tamari is soy sauce without wheat (hence, gluten free). I've been cooking with shoyu, a high quality soy sauce but am trying to go gluten free again for a while. Nutritional or Brewer's yeast kind of tastes like Parmesan cheese (it's great on popcorn). And turmeric is praised for its health properties!! I get that and the herbes de provence (in the tiny bag) in bulk at my grocery store uber-cheap! I have no info on what olive oil is better... I actually want to do some research into cooking oils... anyone have any insight?

Directions: In a hot sauté pan, add oil. Add chard and crumbled tofu. Cook on high heat for 3 minutes. Add remaining ingredients. Continue to cook for 3‐5 minutes. Right before serving, add a handful of fresh chopped basil (if I had it, I'd have done this - I LOVE fresh basil).
It was actually really good! The sun-dried tomatoes really made the dish. They went perfectly with it. The original recipe had some differences but it was great - the only thing I'd change would be to use a little less nutritional yeast. The final product looks like scrambled eggs, doesn't it?!

A plethora of articles! Obesogens, Cousteau & more

Prayer tree at Green Gulch Zen Center Garden Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

‎"It may be that what you could be haunts you. It is real. It is a weight you have to carry around. Each failure to become, to be, is a weight. Each state you could inhabit is a burden as heavy as any physical weight, but more so, because it weighs on your soul. It is the ghost of your possibilities hanging around your neck, an invisible albatross, potentials unknowingly murdered." - Ben Okri

It's a new month, and that means I have some new articles out!

• First, a Q&A with Alexandra Cousteau for Momentum Magazine's Winter 2012 issue. I asked her several questions around the main theme "What would it take to create sustainable ocean fisheries?"
  
  
• Next, a feature that arose out of a panel at the Society of Environmental Journalists conference! Obesogens: An Environmental Link to Obesity in Environmental Health Perspectives, Feb 2012. Obesogens are chemicals we are exposed to that change our metabolism and are very likely contributing to the obesity epidemic.
  
  
• In this same issue, I wrote a news article about the recent (and long overdue) finding of a court-appointed science panel about the chemical PFOA (in "Teflon" nonstick coating, among other things) which was leaked by the DuPont chemical factory in WV. Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension “Probably Linked” to PFOA Contamination. PFOA is a suspected obesogen, also.
  
  
• And finally, a short piece that is a summary of a peer-reviewed article in this issue of EHP (which is a peer-reviewed science journal). In the Same Boat? Health Risks of Water Recreation Are Not Limited to Full-Contact Activities.


• And if you haven't read it yet, I'm super proud to say that my article, Did Tap Water Kill Lou Gehrig, is the #1 most read article on the Miller-McCune website still! Check it out if you haven't yet! Ack - Just looked again and it's now #2 - you guys better go make it #1 again! It was #1 yesterday!!

I am about to dig into a new article due mid-February, and catching up on randomness in the interim (doc appointments, car washes, tire rotations, you know the typical boring stuff). Been cooking some - lots of kale chips (I'm still obsessed!) I made a delicious Navy Bean-Barley soup the other day, and these yummy raw cookies and I'll post some pictures and recipes soon. I've been reading a TON of books of parenting, and took an actual Sabbath day this past Sunday where I didn't get online nearly all day until late evening, and I spent the day attending church (finally have been going back to church again), lunch with a friend, then just chillaxing, reading, and doing a meditation and - oh, yea - I took an actual NAP! Good times.