inner child

My brother and I circa 1975 by the strawberry plants in dad's garden, Oregon

You hold my tears in your hands with such silent indifference as if the love in my heart is somehow a force to fear. Do you find yourself unlovable do you fear baring the truth of your soul do you ever get real? Don't you see that my tears they were never for you nor about you nor any of all of the salient things. they fell like a rushing river like an upwelling spring but they were not for you. all the words that came pouring out of me all the fears and frustrations and desires all the expressions and intensity of my written word it all had nothing to do with you they had nothing to do with any of you not anyone, but one. the salt and the love and the loss. the tears and the voice. they are for the flaxen haired little girl with freckles on her nose the gorgeous beauty that she was the tiny little thing with such spunk that little one that urchin that quiet girl who never used her voice she kept all her secrets inside so many years that beautiful girl. she is the one i love i love her so much. i love her for all the people who never did and who should have they should have loved her and they should never have done those things. i love the smile that came so easily to her before they slashed her innocence. i embrace her and i reclaim her and i will let her laugh and i will let her sing and i will let her dance and i will let her spin and i will let her swing until she is high above the earth and i will let her rejoice in the innocence and the joy she was meant to have. she refused to let darkness overwhelm her she stayed quiet balancing on the tightrope no way out but down her only chance was to give up and to push away and to act as if she didn't care anyway she never had a chance. but i am giving her one now.