Wednesday, November 02, 2005

how to spend 4 hours and get nothing accomplished...

I wrote this when I was a full-time employee and sent it to everyone. Some thought it was funny. Others were not impressed. I made myself laugh out loud so that is worth something. Gads people take themselves way too seriously for crying out loud. PS the "super cute...yada yada yada boyfriend" should now be the "evil exboyfriend" as I refer to him. hee hee.

Oh, and just to clarify I did NOT actually do these things at work!! Jeeeeeezus. It was complete fiction, a caricature. Well, it is true that I do "refresh" my email constantly.

Get into office and put food in refrigerator. Say hi to everyone and take at least 5 minutes per person.

Go to bathroom. Spend ten minutes staring into mirror. Gads look at that big zit on my chin!

Head back to office. Set up laptop and unpack briefcase.

Check email. Skim important emails. Spend 10 minutes staring into space.

Read through the Policies and Procedures online documents for entertainment value.

Go back to email and hit send/receive in case someone has emailed in the last 30 seconds

Call babysitter to see if kids are acting like banshees.

Wonder what I'm going to do this weekend. Realize its only Monday. Stare into space for another 10 minutes, dismayed.

Talk to officemates for 30 minutes.

Practice tying hair into a knot.

Go to CNN to see whether the world is falling apart (not quite yet). Nothing interesting except Destiny's Child announces breakup. Look at all CNN Entertainment news.

Go back to email and hit send/receive in case someone has emailed in the last 30 seconds

Eat a muffin.
Go refill water bottle from Ozarka tap.

Check email.

Visit Alanis Morrissette's website to read her online journal.

Check out my own website - God I am so cool. I can't stand it.

Check email. Anyone in my fan club written today?

Stare at photos of my adorable kids. Wonder when they will turn from adorable kids to monstrous teenagers.

Stare at photo of supercute surfer mountain climber green beret boyfriend. Wonder if I should break up with him again. Wonder if men are evil. Remember that a writer in Oprah Magazine said because of the Y chromosome, men are more closely related to chimpanzees than women.

Decide we need another Happy hour so plan it.

Talk to officemates to decide best venue for Happy Hour. Send out email. I love email! Its like Christmas every minute!

Wonder what I should do next. Check email! Maybe someone has sent me a message in the last 60 seconds.

Think, wow I really ought to get some work done.
Photos: Me and my brother and my dad in about 1975 at my dad's Oregon log cabin. I told you I made that same expression as Sam! This is one of the few rare photos from my dad's because we were too poor to have a camera! That is until I won one from a scratch-off deal in Rolling Stone magazine one time. The other photo is my dad's cabin a few years back and he took this photo. Beautiful isn't it!

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