Monday, February 23, 2009

Jesus in a Thong? (forgive my irreverence)

A picture of me and my kids and my friend Ruthanne at Astroworld on my birthday several years ago, when my kids were a couple years older than their ages in the story below!

Jesus in a Thong? (forgive my irreverence)
by Wendee Holtcamp

"I think you need a belt, Savannah," I tell my seven-year old daughter. I can see her melon-colored panties peaking out an inch above the top of her jeans.

"I just like to show my underwear," she retorts.

We're sitting around the dinner table, about to have a slightly off-color conversation. Recalling an article I'd read about peek-a-boo thongs, I tell my husband, "The trend with teenagers now is to wear a thong so it can be seen outside the back of your jeans."

"Gross!" he contorts his face hideously. "Don't those things, like, go up your bottom?"

"What is a thong?" Savannah interrupts.

"Thongs are underwear that just have a string that, well, goes up your bottom," I explain.

"Eww," my five-year-old says. "They go up your butt?!"

"They don't exactly go up your butt," I say, trying not to burst out laughing. "They just go in your butt crack." As soon as I say it, I know I probably shouldn't have. I'm not one to pretend such things don't exist, but I'm really wondering how this conversation will affect our urgent attempts to convince Sam to stop saying the word butt all the time.

"Let's stay on the side of Jesus now," my husband pleads.

I can't help cracking up. "I don't think Jesus minds thongs," I say.

"Jesus would not wear a thong!" he demands.

"I have a thong," I say, trying to change my mental image of Jesus in a thong.

Savannah's eyes perk up. "I want to see it!"

"I don't wear it very often, it's not very comfortable." I'm mentally recalling the hilarious line from Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues where the woman with the "angry" vagina is cursing thongs.

"Can I see it? Pleeeeease!" she begs.

"Ok, ok, I'll show you later. It's no big deal."

"I think it's time to steer this conversation back on track," my husband says.

Later that night, as I'm tucking Sam into bed, I'm certain that our strange conversation has been forgotten. We're saying our nightly prayer, and then he leans over and whispers in my ear, "It's so funny that they go up your b-u-t-t-c-r-a-c-k," Sam giggles.

I sigh. At least he didn't say the word. He spelled it.


Chirin (Daline) said...

Reminds me of my first year teaching high school freshmen. The first day of school, all freshmen had special games and activities to help with the transition from junior high to high school. ONe of the games was Twister. I took out my camera to take some pictures and no matter what angle or from what side I tried to take the picture, I couldn't get one without someone's thong underwear showing!! I didn't end up taking one:) Wouldn't want to show that at parent teacher conference day.

Anonymous said...

However, when you think about it, as much as we spend on our pretty underwear its a damn shame more people don't see it.

When I did my "pants-less" subway ride, I wore frilly knickers and got several compliments. I often said in reply that its not every day you get compliments on your underwear!

Unknown said...

Funny! What's this about a pants-less subway ride? :) I have to check that one out!!

Unknown said...

OK I had to check it out - I posted this to your blog but will post here to so others can see!!
And my comment:
OMG that's CLASSIC!!! That's so funny - you're way braver than I!!! Is that you in the frilly pink panties? You go girl!!

Lisa Sullivan said...

Her story was even funnier in person, Wen. Picture this...

It's a Friday. We're in a staff meeting. We all go around the table telling our "wins of the week". Some are time spent with family. Others are professional accomplishments. Then....there's Jessica -

"Well, I was able to cross something off my list - I rode the subway pantsless." (paraphrasing)

Well, does that not bring a smile to our faces? After she got through telling her story to us all, we had never laughed so hard. Great way to end the a staff meeting!

Now, Jesus in a thong...oh boy, only you would go into that much depth...or heck - bring it up at the dinner table. LOL!!

lfintexas said...

Great story! So what did Savannah think/say when you showed her the thong later...or did you?

My guys are 8...I think I'll steer clear of this conversation for a bit longer LOL

Unknown said...

L-she and Sam have "thong wars" when they put the laundry away, if that tells you anything! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Nothing wrong with wearing a thong! Check out this article by journalist Mary Spicuzza about some high school girls empowering themselves to be able to wear things to school. It's called "Panty Ranting":

Unknown said...

Anon-Thanks for the link! Interesting piece. :)