fears and joys

I am feeling many emotions of late, tears are near to the surface and come often and yet I feel much excitement about some things. I am learning that I lose my motivation on projects easily when I don't get positive feedback. I wonder why that is. I suppose the whole critical mother syndrome led me to try to excel at everything to avoid the criticism and strive for the positive feedback but why do I still seek for approval from outside? To be sure, positive feedback feels great. As someone recently said to me, its manna. Yet shouldn't my feelings of success or joy at my work come from within, knowing I am contributing to the greater good? It is something I strive toward.

I am very excited about the upcoming Society of Environmental Journalists (SEJ) annual conference in Austin in a couple weeks. I am organizing a freelancer get together and a few mag editors will join us, and then we're going out for margaritas on 6th street. Woohoo! I love getting away from it all, meeting people, having fun. Its one thing my ex and I differ greatly on. Crowds take his energy away but interacting with people energizes me.

Then after the conference it looks like I'll be driving to New Orleans with a fellow freelancer. Its something I want to see, the landscape devastation and to see if I can get some article ideas from it - the importance of wetlands etc. I did not get to see anything on TV because I currently don't have one that works... so I saw photos but it will be fascinating to see in person. Hopefully Houston will evade Hurricane Rita... Ciao for now.