I want this outcome this way I wish I wish you would listen and hear me and respond and understand and take time to hear what I mean and what I feel and not leave me stranded. In my heart I’m full of butterflies and rainbows and from my tongue comes prophecies of darkness wrought of fear and past pain disappointment the ego pushes forth the pain body rears its ugly head wrestling and worming its way through and it brought about the very outcome I least wanted. I push away go that way I’m all dark and scared and negative in thought and word not deed. Alone again in the dark. I fight and struggle and cry and scream and curse why God oh how I do not like not knowing. Daddys always good for a reality sandwich Why would someone who cares disappear? Why indeed. In the small stillness of morning and as the day turns again to dusk I let go of desire and demand for certain outcome. I hear a small still quiet voice in my heart and I know that it will all be ok. I live Now and only Now and I breathe this air and this peace and this joy that I like to push away but here it is here I am balanced on a precipice and I fall and fall and fall into the light abyss of love free falling and trusting the outcome will be what it should be no matter what it is. I let go and I breathe out and I breathe in and I let go. And I'll be damned if I let negativity get in the way again.