Saturday, January 28, 2006

money fears

I have been listening to one of Suze Orman's audio-CDs on money and financial freedom etc and she has you work through your first memory memory, your greatest fear and then connect the two. Then you come up with a personal statement and you're supposed to repeat it over and over all up and down and all around until it becomes a reality. Suze had become a stock broker from being a waitress and she felt like a fraud so she told herself she was "powerful and successful, making at least $10,000 per month". In 1980 this was a ridiculously high amount - she had been making $400/mo at her waitress job. But before long she really was!

So I have toyed around with this. At first I had (this is kind of embarrassing - lol) "I am generous, joyful, powerful and successful, making at least $50,000 per month." but then I decided I really don't like the word powerful. It's not me. I don't want power. So I changed it to healthy since that is something very important to me. This has been my slogan for the past week or so. But I have been thinking that I'm not sure about whether there is a conflict between the whole "You can not serve both God and money" thing and striving for financial prosperity by putting an actual dollar amount. I don't want money for money's sake but I think of all the things I could do with it to help "save the world" and all - to be honest, I am inspired by Oprah. She is truly a personal hero of mine. She started off dirt poor like me and has become not only a successful and extremely financially successful woman, but a beautiful soul who has and shares a lot of joy with the world.

My dad chose a life of voluntary simplicity and voluntary poverty, while my mom had more a lifestyle of "wealth" while constantly telling me she didn't have enough money for this that and the other ... and so I wonder if I sabotage my ability to be completely free of that fear where I'm stuck in between the fear of having nothing and the fear of overwhelming success. I always feel like I don't "have enough," (time, money, everything!) when in reality I am blessed with an abundance! It is attitude. I had nothing with my dad and yet I had everything.

I do fear having a lot of money. It's easier to be doing medium well, not in debt and having some good assets, but not so well it's overwhelming. And yet does this fear keep me from achieving more? Do I sabotage my own ability to get ahead by my semi-conscious fears? Or am I right to not try to make money but to try to create a career I love and prosperity will follow (or at least I will be able to "make it"). Do I have a "right" to become wealthy if that were to happen to me? I think there are also fears because of the biblical passages of it being easier for the rich to get through the eye of a needle than get into heaven. Yet in reality, compared to the majority of the world, I am already far wealthier than most people in the entire world (as are all middle class people) so this admonishment applies already.

I don't have any answers, just questions today.


Forgetfulone said...

Hi. (I'm Lisa S's friend - think we met once or twice). I've been taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and while the principles are basic, the way it's presented and broken down is awesome. Remember that the Bible doesn't say that money is the root of all evil. It says that the Love Of Money is the root of all evil. I think God wants us to be prosperous - and I believe he wants us to be generous as well as efficient with our money (a fool and his money are soon parted). If you have money and spend it wisely, that's a good thing. One of these days I will be completely out of debt (sooner than I think) and I can spread whatever wealth I have.

twodae said...

what no invite to yr superbowl party?

do you think god likes credit cards?

Sus said...

I hear what you're saying and I kind of have a different issue relating to money....ever since I was a little kid I've always despised those with money, always feeling thoroughly inadequate around them. And so I've always tried to avoid such people, most of my friends are poor. I realize that it has to do with my own insecurities and self-confidence.

Forgetfulone said...

One more comment - I don't think God likes credit cards. In the Bible, it says that the borrower is a servant to the lender, so while it may not be a sin to have or use credit cards, they probably aren't a good idea. They hurt us in the long run.