Tuesday, September 16, 2008

madly in love with me

Sam looking at a California Poppy, Green Gulch Organic Farm
Copyright (c) 2007 Wendee Holtcamp

I'm beginning to think it's going to be a long, long recovery post-Ike for Houston... I have a full tank of gas, but some people are waiting for HOURS in the most massive lines you can imagine. I'm just way too impatient for that! I had a friend who got annoyed at me when I told him to fill up his gas tank pre-Gustav... I seriously hope he ran out, had to wait in a long line for gas - ha ha! OK that is my evil side coming out - he he. Now because I said that, mark my words, I'm going to have to wait in a long line...

We still have no electricity, and I had to throw out a bunch of food today. The weather cooled down a bit so that's nice. It's frustrating to not have life as normal, but I really can't complain too much. I have hot water. I have water! I have a gas stove. I've been to the grocery store and there's food and not long lines unless you want to get ice. Traffic is a bit hairy since traffic lights are all out and people are not always so safe (people run lights a lot). But hey, I don't need ice. I don't even own a cooler. And I'm going to drive even less because I want to conserve gas. There is just one spot that I know of that has cell phone reception - on the bridge over Lake Houston and I've driven out there a couple times, but I can use my home phone (did I say this already?). I get text messages on my phone though I think they're somewhat delayed. So life is weird, but I am getting by. Kids are off school through the end of the week, at least.

Yesterday I walked over to my friend Melody's to see if she wanted to go walking. I arrived right as she and her family and her parents (who live 2 houses down from her) were sitting down to a nice grilled dinner of steak and sausages from their freezer supply. Her mom piled up my plate with salad, potato, and steak - yum! And a glass of Pinot Grigio. So much for walking... ;) I was talking to her mom about a recent dating disaster, and we were talking about all kinds of things and she says to me, "You are beautiful. You are intelligent. The problem is not YOU! It is HIM!" I was like "I love you!"

I'm working through some issues and trying to find a phrase to replace my negative or self-sabotaging thoughts of feeling unloved. I have pondered using "I am loved" or "God now" or "God loves me" but they didn't quite do the trick. Then I heard this line in a Watermark song that says (God) is "madly in love with me" and I thought, that's it. That is the line I need to put in my head to replace the thought that is so deeply ingrained from my childhood that I am not loved. I don't need any man or any person to be in love with me, I need to fully acknowledge in every part of my being that God is madly in love with me! What a cool thought.

I'm trying to get some work done on my Louisiana pine snake piece but the people I need to reach are also affected by the Hurricane....So here I am, and I better get back to work! Tomorrow is Sam's 12th birthday - poor kid may not get the best birthday. I usually like to have the house all decorated for them, balloons, flowers, cake or cupcakes... I can't use my oven and the groceries stores only have the minimum of stuff, so I may have to make do.

Oh, and the Debbie Ford talk was cancelled and I'm so bummed! I hope it gets rescheduled!!


Lisa Sullivan said...

First, let me just say that God DOES love you!

Next, WOW! I haven't had time to check into your blog until tonight and to think that Mike and I used to live not that far from you not too long ago. I can't even imagine what y'all went through and continue to go through. You are definitely blessed to be where you are at today. No doubt! But still...

Keep the posts coming when you can and I'll check in as often as I can. Take care, my Friend.

Oh and go get another glass of wine too! :-)

Sus said...

glad to hear you're ok, hoping electricity gets restored soon!