my new blog look

I had fun designing my new blog header. I took the pics; this is where they're from:

• On the left is an orchid and a leafhopper in the Peruvian cloud forest on Road from Cusco toward the Manu Biosphere Reserve.
  
• This is a sunset shot of Leon Dormido, aka Kicker Rock, in the Galapagos Islands.
  
• This is a flower garden with lavender and poppies at Green Gulch Zen Center outside of San Francisco.
  
• Mist in the Peruvian Amazon rainforest. I shot this from a gravelly/rocky sandbar in the Madre de Dios River
  
• Marine iguanas on Fernandina Island in the Galapagos archipelago. My Galapagos photo gallery is online here

I had so many more to use, but those just were some of my favorites and fit well together. I really need to look into getting my photos together for a stock agency, or to market more... so many things to do, so little time. Wish someone would send me a personal assistant! And while we're at it, I'm still waiting for my Aeron Chair! I gotta get up at 5am for my day on the Gulf, so I better hit the sack. The guys told me that if they catch a bunch of shrimp they just cook them up on the boat for lunch! Yum!

a nightmare day

I have been dealing with a horrible car repair shop that damaged my transmission in the process of attempting to fix it (A+ Transmission in Kingwood - don't go there!). I am now having my credit card company dispute the charge and thank God for consumer protection laws! A+ has threatened to repossess my car if I dispute the charge, but according to what I have gathered, the Texas Debt Collection Practices Act prevents them from threatening or doing repo if the charge is in dispute. Which it is. But according to at least one attorney they have done this to other people - repossess their cars and then bill you for the service, and holding your car. However my credit card company says that if that happens, to contact them right away and they will involve their fraud department and the local police. So who knows what will happen the next few days and weeks, but it's bound to be exciting. And stressful.

I am heading off to spend a day on the Gulf of Mexico with some coastal fisheries people to report on the Gulf Dead Zone. I hope I don't get sea sick. I am leaving now for a 2-hour drive to port Arthur and then will be back tomorow, if we don't get washed to sea in a freak storm. The Perfect Storm. I never saw that movie, and I hope not to live it!! Ciao and Godspeed.

Idrinkmypee.com & other Nepal stories

I got back from Nepal in November, but I have hundreds of photos I still haven't gone through yet. I'm putting these online now - just a few more from my collection. These are actually for an editor, but since I'm putting them online, I may as well tell you all a little about them. And I also wanted to let you know I'm in the process of typing up my journal entries to give a day-to-day account so you can make a bit more sense of the random jumble of photos. However paid work must come first! :) And FYI those who haven't seen the rest of the Nepal pics, my best and favorite photos are here.

I'll post a link here when I get the travelogue up. There is some funny stuff in there!! Like the fact that one of the travelers, no joke, drinks his pee every day. For "health" reasons. I kid you not! And he was not ashamed of it, and said I could blog about it. We had this dialogue when he told the group, and he was like, "It's healthy for you. It's well known." And I was like, "Where do you go to find that info"? One of the other guys, Chuckles - ever the witty one - immediately pipes up "IDrinkMyPee.com" Needless to say I laughed so hard at that and still do every time I think of it!! And no, there is not really an Idrinkmypee.com because when I got home, I checked!! (To find information, according to my pee devotee friend, google "urine therapy" not "drink pee"). I am laughing!! Hey if Bear Grylls does it... A view from one of our campsites. This really exemplifies a couple of things. First, in Nepal there is a lot of deforestation. All of this used to be forest, even within the time Brian Williams, The Red Panda Project Director, has worked there over the past 10 years. Second, it shows the clouds that are constantly rolling in and out and over the top of you. Literally they would enshroud you as you walked along the trail, and then pass on and leave the scenery open again. It would get cold when they covered the ground, and sometimes rainy or snowy, and it got hot - or warm - when they went back away.

This is a photo of a home in the town of Ilam. It could be southern California! The homes mostly used these colors of earthy blue and red, and everyone grows marogolds because they are used in their religious ceremonies. Ilam is one of the better off towns in Nepal. Not everywhere is as well maintained and it had its own flair and style.

A neat shot of flowers growing near a wall at the home of the Conlons, who own the company Above the Clouds. They have homes in both Nepal and the U.S..

Another home in Ilam. Everyone has lots of flowers around their home, which I think is pretty cool.
This is a rustic fence on a misty day, as we hiked and climbed around looking for red panda in the forest - which was down the hill. You can't see the forest from this shot because the hlils are pretty steep and we had already climbed way back up by this point - plus it's kind of obscured in the photo by fog. We didn't find any red panda that day. Not yet.

This house on the hill so reminds me of the description of the "tipsy house" in the book, Memoirs of a Geisha! That house was overlooking the ocean though.

Dhurbar Square in the Patan region of Kathmandu. This place had amazing architecture!

A close-up of an intricate door in Dhurbar Square. Dhurbar means The King's square, and there are several Dhurbar squares in Kathmandu. This one is in the Patan region.
A carving of the Hindu god Ganesh at a restaurant in Patan where we had some tea.
Nepali soldiers patrolling, I guess, in Dhurbar Square in Patan. I only saw soldiers in Kathmandu, not outside of the city anywhere.

A photo of a bunch of kids in a town where they were having a market day. I can't remember the town but they must not have seen many foreigners because of all the kids and people in various towns we went through, these kids and people stared at us like none other - like they'd never seen outsiders! I mean they STARED! But when I'd interact with the kids, and say hello, they were so interested and I'd take their photo and show it to them and they loved it. They were really cute.

Langur monkeys grooming at the Monkey Temple, aka Swayambunath, in Kathmandu.

A shot of the long staircase going up to the top of the monkey temple, with Buddhas lining either side, and Tibetan prayer flags visible. This is just a fraction of the staircase. There are probably 1,000 stairs, or more!!

The Himalayas. This shot was taken near the India border.

Another view of the Himalayas. I initially thought this was Mount Everest (Sagarmatha in Nepali) but it's Mount Kanchenjunga, the world's 3rd highest mountain - the broad mountain in the center. To the left is Mount Jannu (aka Khumbukarna). I'm still verifying this, but this is according to my sources!

Mount Jannu (aka Khumbukarna) close up.

Tim Gorski, Producer of It's Your World with the Cultural Film Fund looking off, with Mount Everest in the far distance and Tibetan prayer flags nearby.

A pony in the snow. This was taken just around the hill from Santapur, on the Nepal-India border.

Mary Lou Stahl: in memoriam

Today I went to the funeral/memorial service for Mary Lou Stahl. I wrote an article about Carmine, her husband of 57 years, which appeared in the Feb 2007 Texas Parks & Wildlife magazine (Papa Stahl). He is a truly remarkable man. He was a Methodist minister for many years, and then when he retired he became a naturalist at Jesse Jones Nature Park in Humble, Texas. I had met him a few years back when he and I were volunteering on biological surveys with Legacy Land Trust (a nonprofit that sets up conservation easements on forest and other wild land around Houston). I just love Carmine. He is so sharp, and so interesting. He loves edible plants, like Matt does, and wrote Trees of Texas. Anyway, when I met with him to interview him for the TPW magazine piece, Mary Lou came with him as well as his daughter and her husband. The photo to the right I took that day at Jones Park. Mary Lou has suffered from Alzheimer's for the past few years, and she found great comfort in having Carmine always near. They were married for 57 years - that is truly amazing. I was blessed to listen to the stories people told today at her memorial. I really enjoy their family - they are down to earth, kind and wonderful people.

Mary Lou's son-in-law read Carmine's beautiful tribute during the service, and it brought tears to my eyes (and his!) He clearly loved her so very very much. We spoke by phone before he came down to Houston and it was clear he was heartbroken. I know with death even when we expect it, it's not something that we can ever prepare for. It reminds me of the opening of Water for Elephants when Jacob, who had been married for many years, describes his grief. (I wish I had the book here to quote from but I listened to it on CD). Anyway, I only met Mary Lou late in her life but from hearing everyone speak about her I sure wish I could have known her longer. I look forward to hanging out with her in heaven! Her son-in-law said there were two Mary Lous. The quiet, soft-spoken woman, and the one who stood up against injustice and was a force to be reckoned with. He told a story about how Prairie View College wouldn't allow black students to vote and so at a meeting with the college President, she would raise her hand and ask, "When are you going to let the black students vote?" and he avoided the question, so it became a refrain and she kept asking it. Then whenever anyone else raised their hand, they started to ask the same question. And everyone started asking it. "When are you going to let black students have a vote?" Soon after that, the college started letting black students vote.

The female pastor at Hosanna Lutheran, where the Stahls attended for many years and where the funeral service was held, spoke of Mary Lou and mentioned that they both were Democrats and made the joke that it was rare in her field :) (ie in Christianity). I got a laugh out of that one! Mary Lou was part Choctaw and part Cherokee. She authored the book, The Ones That Got Away: a Choctaw Trail of Tears, a family history of the Mississippi Choctaw who chose to leave the tribe to avoid confinement in reservations. I read the book when I was writing the article for TPW magazine and really enjoyed it, and her spirit and humor.

There were many more stories told there, and it was a loving tribute to a remarkable woman, mom, author, wife, friend to many. I put up a reprint of a self-published book that Carmine wrote called Papa Stahl's Wild Stuff Cookbook on the Spring Creek Greenway website, which I designed. It has a photo of the two of them and is a neat little site.
http://www.springcreekgreenway.com/wildstuff.htm

Even when life is long, life is short. Gives lots of hugs, and tell everyone you love them! :)

food, oh the joys

I've been a little cranky the past couple days. I am sure it's just PMS, but you know sometimes I just zap off emails pretty quickly and don't take the time to couch my words with gentleness. It's not that what I'm saying is not what I feel, or what I think is wise or right (as my opinion) but I know I could sometimes do better by being a little gentler in my wording. Sometimes I just don't feel like it. I'm not talking about my last blog about the slippery snakes of the intelligent design movement - that can stand. I mean emails to friends. I just get impatient sometimes. Sometimes it's just that I am in a hurry, or using my Blackberry which is kind of a pain in the butt to type on. But sometimes I just am like, whatever, this is what I think dangit! I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But I should also remember that we are all fragile flames, as Jewel says, and a little sensitivity is always a good thing.

So I've been cooking a good deal lately and all I have to say is it takes a lot of darn time to cook. And clean. And to warm things back up and put it back away in all the little Tupperware containers. And you think you're going to save money by planning all these meals and cooking from scratch but darnit if you don't end up paying out the wazoo for all the special ingredients you need, and even when you swear you're going to modify recipes and only use what you have on hand you STILL end up going to the grocery store every single bloody day. And I mean literally every single day for 2 weeks in a row! I'm either out of milk. Or fruit. Or soy milk. Or coffee. Or today it was wheat germ! Yes wheat germ, which I needed for a recipe to make homemade granola bars for the kids lunches. Well they didn't have wheat germ in bulk and the hell if I was going to spend $4 for a jar of wheat germ so I substituted wheat bran in the bulk section. Cost - $0.17. Not bad. But I think I've spent that extra $3 in gas money for all the grocery trips. Or $30! Oh and the point I was going to make is that it probably costs a lot less to just buy the darn $2.50 box of freaking granola bars by the time you add in the cost of all the ingredients and the time it takes me to cook and clean up! But the granola bars are pretty darn good at least.

Oh and then another problem with cooking is that the kids don't like most of these new recipes, though I think they're all divine. Or if one kid does, the other doesn't. So I end up with a refrigerator full of stuff that only I will eat! In my fridge right now, I've got a huge crock pot of tortilla soup, a cabbage-Granny Smith apple salad, and ginger soup, some black beans I made from scratch, and an eggplant-white bean-tomato salad with parsley pesto. Plus tonight I made Thai food. A quick recipe of rice noodles with peanut sauce with broccoli, snow peas and chicken. (yes I know I'm being a "bad vegetarian" - but the kids insist on meat, and I just cook it when they're here for the most part though I'm being about a 10% carnivore). Savie liked it, but Sam thought it was dee-skus-ting. So I made him noodles with just butter and parmesan cheese and he ate that but I said look you have to eat at least one piece of chicken. And you woulda thought I was subjecting the boy to some ritualized torture. The look on his face, and the way he chewed it, and how long it took him... I'm like just put the dang thing in your mouth and chew it and be done with it!!

Oh well, what can you do.

lies and deception

Although I wrote in my previous post: "The whole problem with intelligent design as 'science' is that the concept has a predefined result - that the origins of the natural world must literally match the Genesis Creation account," the slippery snakes of the ID movement do not tell you their intention outright. The original (young earth) creationists did/do not hide this intention, but ID creationists do. Instead, ID proponents say they are looking for "signs of a designer" which may be an alien culture, a purple playdough man, or God (OK I added the purple playdough man idea myself). Why don't we add the Flying Spaghetti Monster to the list, too?

So my point is that they've deviously veiled their intent by claiming they are looking for signs of intelligence using probability theory and signs of "irreducible complexity" which fools their followers but not most scientists. And fortunately, not Judge Jones in the Kitzmiller vs. Dover case who ruled ID is religious-based "creationism in disguise" and not science. Hence, teaching it in schools AS SCIENCE violates the constitutional separation of church and state. Make no bones about it, the proponents of ID want to break down that wall between church and state. The Kitzmiller vs. Dover court case was a resounding victory for science, but ID proponents certainly won't stop there.

As a Christian myself, I always wonder why the IDers don't think for a moment that maybe God *isn't* on their side when he keeps giving victory after victory to the supposedly "other side"? Although God's ways are mysterious and no one can claim to fully know God's ways, God is certainly on the side of Truth (and I do believe that there is Truth), especially since in the Bible the devil is described as the "father of lies."

The extent of ID proponents' lying, hypocrisy, and deception is truly frightening. Of course, isn't it always the case that those who are most guilty of propaganda and lying will cast this stone out to the other side. Have you ever had a cheating spouse or significant other accuse you of cheating? Or lying? It's a very common psychological tool used by the lying, deceiving person or group to sidetrack attention away from themselves. ID and other creationists frequently accuse evolution advocates of propaganda. Of course discerning the truth is not all that difficult, but it requires critical thinking, deeper research and understanding the issues, motives, and truths to all these situations. Unfortunately, most people do not have time for that, so they just tend to accept whatever the group/crowd thinks that they most closely align themselves with. To our country's peril! And to that individual's detriment as well.

I plan to start working on a course, seminar and workshop series that will help people decipher the real story from propaganda, and to discern lies versus truth. Are you being duped? Find out how to find out for yourself! Details coming soon.

I'd support having the "controversy" taught in schools, BUT it should be done in a social studies, religion, or cultural studies course and absolutely NOT in a science classroom!

Expelled: The Intelligent Design movie

Cross-posted from my Fish Wars Blog and also at The Daily Kos.

The whole problem with intelligent design is that its proponents like to say it is science, and that the status quo of scientists are not allowing this new concept to be introduced into science classrooms, from some sort of discrimination or something. It's a reasonable enough sounding argument, and the premise of the new documentary "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed." And the makers of this film want people to see this movie so badly that they're offering to pay schools and churches $5 per student to see it. I first read about this on The Daily Irrelevant and The Bad Idea Blog.

What intelligent design proponents - in the movie and elsewhere - don't tell you is that science and scientists do not have PR campaigns. They don't have to pay money to people to accept scientific theories and facts. They quietly go about their work in the halls of academia, in the laboratory, using computer models, in the field doing experiments, publishing results in scientific peer-reviewed journals. This is how science works. Scientific ideas don't need a PR campaign, films, and money to promote themselves. They MAY use these techniques as teaching tools, but that is generally after a scientific concept is well established.

Intelligent design is not well-established, and despite what the film may tell people, it's not being expelled. It doesn't have enough data or studies behind it to be put into textbooks. In fact, it's not even science. Somehow we as a society seem to have forgotten what science even is. This shall not do! Science revolutionized the way people thought, paving the way for the amazing scientific and technological advances since then - germ theory, vaccines, antibiotics, traveling to the moon. The key here is that science requires scientists to throw out ideas that don't have supporting data. Every scientific hypothesis is always open to falsification - being shown to be false.

The whole problem with intelligent design as "science" is that the concept has a predefined result - that the origins of the natural world must literally match the Genesis Creation account. Science does not work if you have a pre-set conclusion! No, for a process or idea to be science, those testing the premise have to be able to throw out the hypothesis if the data doesn't fit. Intelligent design is not willing to do that. Because that would mean they are saying, nope, we're wrong. God didn't create the world. At least that is what they fear it means.

People that promote intelligent design KNOW that there is a God who created the universe. And I, myself a Christian, believe that they're right. But that doesn't make intelligent design right. Because ID does not even provide a proper mechanism, or method, through which the universe came into existence other than "God did it," (technically, their terminology is that the world has "irreducible complexity" that could not possibly have been created by anything other than an intelligent designer).

However, evolution by means of natural selection has amazing explanatory power in terms of how the world could have gone from single-celled organisms to complex beings, even human beings. There's no scientific controversy over evolution. There is ONLY a social, religious and cultural controversy.

Another problem with intelligent design proponents is this - very few people who follow it have ever taken a college Biology class in which they learned about evolution and its evidence. Instead they learn about evolution from those attacking it, in the churches and by the "professional creationists" who make money by selling books and making movies to promote their views. And now if you will excuse me, I need to go worship my Noodly master. Ramen!

reading 8 books at a time?

My Facebook profile says I'm reading 8 books, which is true. Sort of. I have my NIV Study Bible there, which I read regularly. I got Beth Moore's devotional Jesus: 90 Days with the One & Only for Christmas and I'm reading/doing that for the next 90 days. Then I have The Snow Leopard, which I started reading in Nepal because it's set there. It's a great book but a bit dense and I got a bit bored toward the end. I've got about 1/8 left and every night if I try to read it, I fall asleep after about a page. At least I don't have insomnia any more! ;) I started listening to Water for Elephants on audio-book (I listen when I go running) but I got it from the library and someone else had requested it, so I had to return the darn thing. So I'm about 2 discs in and have requested it again.

While waiting to get that back again, I started listening to The Highest Tide which is a nature writing type book based in the Pacific NW. My cousin got it for me for Christmas, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm also reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens to Sam at night. It's a pretty long and dense book, but although I adore and love my kids' school, I felt like my kids need to get a bit more of the classics. I admit I didn't read any Dickens (that I remember) in school, but I am actually enjoying it. I took them to see an Oliver Twist play a couple years ago and they really liked that. I'm reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron along with several girlfriends. We're doing a chapter per 2 weeks so that will take a little while. And I just picked up Ghandi's Autobiography: My Experiments With Truth. So there.

It seems my writer's block has cleared a little bit. I finished a draft of my Nepal article which I went to Nepal for (it's taken me this long to take a look at all the stuff again and get the motivation to write it). But it came out pretty quickly, and I like it. I have several articles to finish this weekend, so it's like a writing marathon! It's going to freeze tonight... brrr.... wish it would snow HERE instead of just the "southeast"!!

some silly pics

Daline and I got a little silly when she was visiting! We decided we'd have a fashion show, so to speak, and (attempted to) pose like models in the magazines on my coffee table. Well in a sort of mockery sort of way. ;) Savannah took the photos. Well she did after I got mad at the little turkey for just taking photos of our feet instead! (on purpose).

This one just cracks me up because it looks a little, well, funny!

Treehuggers We Are!

My daughter got braces today. Ah, I do not miss those days... I had the works - braces, headgear, and all that dorky stuff. Fortunately they don't much use headgear anymore. Poor girl, her mouth is now sore... she went to bed early. It usually only hurts the first couple days, and tehn when they tighten them again every 6 weeks.

I haven't posted much because I haven't had much to say. It's funny, because sometimes I just have so much to say I have to write and get it out. But lately it's a dry well. This is in my actual journal as well. And when I'm writing articles. I'm not feeling all that inspired and I have to figure out how to fill the well back up again. I'm just not quite sure.

Oh! I do have some good news. Today, I sent off my book contract to my agent for Losing My Religion, my memoir/book about making peace between evolution and Christianity. Yea! It got accepted before the holidays but it took this long to get the darn contract! The publishing world goes on holiday over the holidays... so now I will begin working on it in the next year. I'm excited, and a bit nervous. It's a big task. I'll need to get inspired! Any ideas?

I am losing my mind!!!

Well never mind that my blog has been invaded my my darling daughter (see post below). I am somehow unable to form the proper words for things! This has been an ongoing phenomenon for about the past 5 years (or maybe 13 since my daughter was born! But honestly it certainly has gotten worse, really worse!) I keep telling my kids to put the laundry in the dishwasher or take the dishes out of the dryer, or, just now, I said "Savie, will you go transfer the water" - what the heck?! I meant to transfer the laundry to the dryer. (So she laughed and went and took a cup and started taking cupfulls of water from the bathroom sink and depositing them all over the house!) Savie reminded me that I often tell them to put things in the fridge that don't go in the fridge, like toys and such. One time I said "Sam you need to dump your milk in the fridge right now, or put it away in the sink." And just a few minutes ago when I was playing Foosball with Sam (which I totally stink at) upon getting a goal, I started dancing around and singing, "I'm so happy for my pants!" to the tune of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy...for my ....whatever" but we busted out laughing and it's now our new theme song. I'm so happy for my pants! So happy!

Anyway I'm suffering from serious writer's block since I got back from Nepal. It's just fine when I'm blogging but when it comes to writing an article on deadline, I'm just stuck. It is awful. I'm trying really hard but just keep wanting to do nothing. I'm lethargic. I'm apathetic! I want to do something different... I think that writing has become a chore because I'm doing it for a living and all the associated stresses of a "job" - I need to make it a joy again.

Krazy Katz

You know, I have no idea what Krazy Katz are. I know what a crazy cat is, but not a Krazy Kat. By the way, this isn't Wendee. This is her daughter. I think her blog should be more pink and frilly. Like the thongs (a.k.a. butt floss) she wears. And the underwear she has on her head right now. My mom is a crazy, tree-smooching, environmental lunatic! She can eat A WHOLE carton of ice cream in one afternoon. And she always eats my ice cream, not hers. Ybay ethay ayway, Iay ovelay enguinpays! Enguinpays! Enguinpays! Enguinpays! Enguinpays means penguins for those crazy people who don't know pig latin. Okay, I'm done.

Ciao, Savie H: )

P.S. Please post LOTS of comments ; )

hello from M slice

I have a new nickname, M Slice. My son started calling me that and I was like, what the heck is an M Slice? Is that something bad? He said no, it's like Homey G Slice but M for Mom. I was like, what the heck is a Homey G Slice? He said it's good, trust me, I promise.

So just now I decided to look up the definition of Homey G Slice. Well I couldn't find anything googling it so I tried Home Slice. Here's what I found on Urban Dictionary:

\home slice\

synonomous to "homie".
def 1: means good friend or buddy
def 2: means someone who seems like a little slice of home, thus home slice

So that made me feel pretty good, though Sam cracked up at the "little slice of home"

But wait, keep scrolling down... Then I read:

def 5. Someone who is an over the top dork. Someone who is trying way too hard to be cool and fails miserably. Look at that guy in the polyester leisure suit trying to pick up on that super model. What a home slice.

And keep going...

def. 6 a cool street name like poop dawg, pee diddle, or gary

Say what?!!!

Anyway it got a good laugh out of us all so I thought I'd share it :) They've also changed grandma's name from G-ma (her hiphop name) to Gamoski and Grandpa to Gaposki. Oh, did I say that my ex calls me Doonberry?

And while I was at urban dictionary I browsed some words-o-the-day and got a kick out of these:

\flojectile\
The bits of food matter that fly onto your mirror while flossing your teeth.
I need to wash those flojectiles off my bathroom mirror before the Health Department shuts me down

\man flu\

The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.This is also known as 'Fishing for Sympathy' or 'Chronic Exaggeration'.When the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for compassion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him.

You: Awww, you poor fella.
Him: I'm DYING!
You: (Soothingly) Oh, you're not dying Cy.
Him: (Indignant) I AM! I have Man Flu!Y
ou: Do you need some sympathy?
Him: Yes! But no one understands my pain...
You: I understa-
Him: NO YOU DO NOT!!!

\purge the cabin\

Rolling the windows down on a vehicle for some fresh air, usually after one of the passengers has passed gas.

Damn was that foul! Purge the cabin before we sufficate back here!

being a radical moderate, and community-making

Me and my friend from high school, Nikki, today at lunch! We hadn't seen each other in over 15 years and it was just like yesterday In fact I think we have even more in common than we did then - since back then it was all partying and today we both love the environment and political issues and religious/science issues - it was an awesome catching up time. I love the sticker on her hybrid car that said "GOD is not spelled GOP" :)

Sam & I goofing around in the Disney Store. I love Émile! He was sooo soft and fluffy! I said he was my new boyfriend :)
Me and my new boyfriend, Émile (from the movie Ratatouille)

I have started reading Scott Peck's book The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, which I've been wanting to read for some time. Peck is a genius. He is in my opinion the greatest writer that ever lived. He just GETS IT in terms of so many things - religion and science, Christianity and other religions, how society works, how the human spirit matures, psychology, and on and on. Everything I read of his I underline or highlight every other sentence. In this book, I just read the Prologue, Introduction and the start of Chapter 1, but already I want to stand up and applaud. It came out in 1987 but it's still so relevant today. (Sometimes I think I want to start just talking about and promoting what he spoke and wrote about, because everything I read I'm like ,"What he said!" I refer to him so often in my own writing. If Huxley was Darwin's bulldog, I want to be Peck's bulldog!)

For those who don't know him. Peck wrote one of the all-time best-selling nonfiction books, The Road Less Traveled; A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. It stayed on the NY Times bestseller list for a record 10 years and sold something like 13 million copies. Peck was an M.D. Psychiatrist who had worked in the military and then went into private practice. His book didn't immediately become a bestseller but after a while it just took off like wildfire as people started reading and recommending it. He was not initially a Christian, but the story goes (he tells in one of his later books) that a good friend of his said to him, after the publication of The Road Less Traveled, something like "Scotty it's brilliant how you told the story of Christianity through your book," and he was like "What?!" He was spiritual and respected the wisdom of Christianity and other religions but at that time was not specifically Christian. After his friend said that, he started to read the Bible and before long he converted and it became his lifelong passion. He was not what I'd consider a right-wing fundamentalist in any sense but a very practical, in the real world Christian, who understood human nature and psychology and also theology. I just love his writings. He is just so right on with everything.

Anyway, this book, The Different Drum, touches on how much we lack real communities; For the most part, our neighborhoods, our families, and our churches fall short of being real community for one another, and if we don't change that, the world is in real trouble. And he outlines what we need to do in order to get this back. He has said that he believes this was his most important work, even though it didn't sell near as well as The Road Less Traveled. Well funny, I said I would not consider him a fundamentalist but listen to how he starts Chapter 1. First he says whenever anyone asks him his political views he says he's a radical conservative. Except on Thursdays and then he says 'I'm a radical moderate.' This not only cracked me up, I love it! I am inclined to say the same about myself. More the radical moderate than a radical conservative. But let me continue.

Next he defines the words (which I often did when I taught biology, because understanding the root words so often helps students understand the definitions). He writes that radical and fundamental mean essentially the same thing, and says isn't it funny how words get distorted over time. Radical comes from the Latin radix, which means "root" - same as radish. And he says anyone who thinks deeply will be one; someone who gets to the root of things. Yes, Jesus was certainly a radical. (my comment, not his, though I am sure he'd agree from his writings). He goes on to say that the closest synonym to radical is fundamental - basic, the root, the fundamentals. "Yet in our North American culture these words have come to have opposite meanings." He then goes on to say how community has also been dumbed down to not mean what it really is, and should mean, and hence we've lost a true community in our schools, churches, families.

There are some wonderful examples of community that I've seen - and personally experience in my group of friends (we can be real and genuine, deep, or silly, share our weaknesses and faults without fear of rejection and just share just a wonderful supportive network of women who lift you up when you need it, and are there for one another 24/7). But I've also experienced what should have been a true community - a Christian community no less - falling short and rejecting me when I needed it most. Same goes for my family when I was struggling as a teenager with some pretty heavy stuff.What I want to do, if I do anything in life, would be to somehow help people find this sense of community in churches and families and circles of friends the way God meant it to be. It's beautiful when it happens.

Christmas photos

This was Sam and I (self-portrait) working on the gingerbread house. Notice the mess he has all over his face - FROSTING!! Busted!
Grandpa Skip working with Sam on the gingerbread house. Note the "evil" crazy Sam in the background. Watch out, he's wielding a spatula!
The final product! I made a crystallized ginger chimney, and Sam made a window from cranberries and poppy seeds. Carob chips on the bottom and a candy cane! We made it all natural. Well I guess the candy canes are not natural...
The cutie pies with their presents on Christmas morning!

The kids got a foosball/air hockey table and ye old kitty cat decided SHE wanted to play. I swear, this cat thinks she is a human. Note the photo below, also. Whatever the kids do she likes to copy. She will sit in the chair that one of the kids used earlier for like an hour! Especially when there's something new in the house, she's enthralled. She and her sis got some presents in their stocking and they loved them. Well all except the kitty sweater which she wasn't too crazy about. ;)
This is fuzzy but it illustrates my point above perfectly... she sat here for I think an hour!!!

Crazy Christmases

It's nearly midnight in Texas and Santa Clause here has to go stuff stockings. It was a good Christmas Eve today, though I've been a bit tired and feeling still a bit melancholy over the events of the past week. I also found out this week that someone I dated in high school and who was at the center of a serious high school drama involving date rape, suicide attempts and yours truly died of lung disease a couple of years ago. This guy was not the perpetrator but was there, and well the story is told elsewhere on this blog (on my birthday, a couple years ago). Death can come like a thief in the night, and all I know is that while I have breath, I want to truly live.

The folks and the kids and I went to church service and that was lovely. Then we had lasagna and the kids opened a present each. Tomorrow we'll open everything. When I was a kid, we used to open presents on Christmas Eve because my uncle's bday was Christmas Day, but we'd open all our stocking presents on Christmas morning. They were all wrapped up and I loved opening the wrapping paper on each tiny little gift tucked in my stocking (except the one Christmas my mom actually gave me a lump of coal - and that was it). I used to do this micro-wrapping for the kids, but to be honest, I can't be bothered anymore! I don't have the time or the patience... I wrap the big ones under the tree and tonight I plan to just stuff everything into the stocking unwrapped.

I never told the kids about Santa Clause. I mean they knew the story but I never deceived them into thinking a big man in a red suit was coming down the chimney and giving us a bunch of presents. I feel that kids should be taught truth...

I'm ok with whatever everyone else's decisions are for that issue, but my mom likes to tell me (every Christmas) how my kids missed out on so much because I didn't tell them about Santa Clause. What they didn't miss out on was the awful disappointment kids get when they learn that it's all a lie, and Santa isn't "real"!! I want my kids to believe in God - an invisible omniscient and omnipresent being of light and goodness and love and truth. That is hard enough. Why teach them then about something that you know isn't real, and then reveal it's all been a big myth after all? What then will they think about God?

So of course my mom doesn't get all this... but I really don't appreciate her telling me every year that I've deprived my kids of something... I said mom you're basically telling me I'm a bad parent. She said "No I'm not, that's not what I'm saying." There was something else... I can't remember but it ended with me saying, "Denial is not a river in Egypt!" (I love that saying but it took me many years to GET what it meant because I didn't get the connection between Denial and The Nile - I'm a little slow, what can I say) ;)

So far this actually means we're getting along well this holiday. I'm serious! This is a big improvement from the Christmas everyone in the house got in a huge fight, my aunt slapped me (or hit me? I can't remember), I took a swing back but got intercepted by my uncle, everyone cried, people left the house, and in the end everything was my fault... Needless to say, I've always been the family scapegoat.

I better go be Santa. I'm putting on my Santa hat now...

preparing for the holidays

Image Copyright (c) 2007 Wallace. J. Nichols

I spent today cooking and cleaning with the kids and then watching a bit of The Fellowship of The Ring extended version, also with the kiddos. My mom and stepdad arrive tomorrow; the holiday begins! Today Sam & I cooked a gingerbread house and we'll decorate it tomorrow. I've never made one from scratch before so it was pretty cool to do so. Savannah made a banana cream pie recipe that is awesome, mostly by herself; she wanted to say she did it all by herself. I prepared the lasagna we'll have tomorrow night (Christmas Eve) but we'll have our big dinner on Christmas Day. Wow, I really can't believe it is Christmas. This quarter of the year went so fast. I guess it's because I left for Nepal before Halloween, came back just in time for Thanksgiving but was super jet-lagged for 2 weeks, and then it was Christmas time. So time goes.

With the coming of the new year, and the passing of life so suddenly, the time comes again to reflect on goals and changes and such. I think often about living life fully, and I hug my kids daily, and tell my friends and family I love them. I've rid myself of toxic and negative influences and friends, while trying to be a good influence myself. I always try to be aware of, and improve or change any negative qualities in myself. Yet especially the suddenness of Jim's death has really made me think even more about this - what changes do I need or want to make in my life to make this the life of my dreams?

Even on my way back from Nepal I felt like I'd been called more towards home, and less away wandering the world, or if I do wander for it to be either with someone I know and love or doing something to help people - like mission trips. I've also felt drawn more to figuring out how I can help people more in terms of poverty eradication and other global social ills. The environment and especially wildlife will always be a passion, but I feel that there are also other issues I want to get involved in. I've been feeling drawn to doing documentary work, rather than just writing, and want some doors to open in those areas. I want to impact the world in a big way, to spread the knowledge of God's love and grace and truth. Sometimes it is just so hard to figure out what to spend my time on. So I often end up just doing whatever is easiest, or whatever presents itself, rather than visualizing what I want or planning toward a goal.

Some things to think about as I roll on towards the New Year.

grief turns out to be...

"Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it."
- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking.

I've been privileged to get to know an incredible woman a little bit better over the past year since our church's New Orleans mission trip. This Monday, her husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. They have 6 beautiful children. Her blog "Have you seen my mind? I've lost it again" is hilarious and candid. She just returned from a mission trip to Kenya, and had mentioned the possibility of going again next year and whether I wanted to go. Heck ya, I wanted to go.

I don't want to say too much more, but I feel deeply saddened by her loss. This family had shown me kindness and welcome, and I was touched by the love they still share after 24 years of marriage and 6 kids. It's something to aspire to. They were both devoted Christians, and it showed in their lives and their genuineness. The funeral is tomorrow morning. It's a sad time.

I'm asking the universe for an Aeron Chair

I stumbled across a blog, Word Wenches, when searching for the Aeron chair which I really want for Christmas but am pretty sure I'm not going to get since it costs something like $9,000. Well actually $749, to be precise, but it may as well be $9,000. They were mentioned in the book Freakonomics because the designer, Herman Miller, had his team design the most ergonomic chair they could, ignoring aesthetics. What they got is this thing that looks like, paraphrasing Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner (Freakonomics co-authors) a weird large black insect covered in mesh. I was in Office Depot the other day buying a tackboard for my "Wall of Love" and I wandered over to the chair section and found an Aeron. OH. MY. GOSH. The first thought (upon never having actually laid my eyes on one) is "That looks so uncomfortable. And freakishly weird." Then I sat down. OH. MY. GOSH. They are sooooooooo comfortable. They're sort of bouncy and soft in a way you certainly wouldn't expect from appearances. It just goe sto show, don't judge a chair by its freaky mesh covering! I simply must get one. So if anyone has a random $749 to plop down on this here writer activist bohemian friend of the universe woman - or alternatively if you just happen to have one you hate, or have some in storage not getting sat upon that you'd like to donate as a charitable cause to make my rear end more comfortable (not to mention my back alignment), let me know and I'll send you my address.

I mention the Word Wenches blog because in the post I stumbled on (where they mention the Aeron, which is why it came up in Google) the writer/blogger said something that made total sense to me. She said as a writer she is a hare, not a tortoise. She doesn't do a little bit of writing every day, slow and steady like a tortoise. Rather, she cranks out a whole bunch in a very short time. I thought, wow, that is so me! I sometimes get mad at myself for doing random stuff (wasting time?) like blogging, Facebook, CNN.com, emailing, and feeling this sense of literal dread when confronted with the idea of actually starting an article (seriously - I hate starting articles - it's painful). Reading the tortoise vs hare comparison, I realized that being a hare is just my writing style and working style. I am able to crank out good copy in a short time, and never miss a deadline. I've learned this technique works for me. I consider those online sites like Facebook (well some of them) creative outlets. Or sort of random mental stimulation. But I think I need to find a little more balance though and use a combination of tortoise and hare techniques to become even more productive while still enjoying my creative online endeavors.

Another random interesting thing is that the White House has a set of ornaments painted with themes of each individual National Park, Preserve and Historic Site. There are 350 ornaments painte dby artists across the nation and you can browse images here. I thought they were pretty cool. This one has pitcher plants on it, and represents the Big Thicket National Preserve in Texas, just a couple hours east of where I live. Some of them are much more beautiful than this one but this is relevant to an article I'm working on right now! Actually the White House has a theme of Holiday in the National Parks for the White House Christmas tree.

I’ve also heard that they’re “greening” the White House in a few ways. It’s like Bush is trying to bring attention to environmental issues late in the game to soften up the negative image of the Republican party’s environmental record right before the election.

Here is what they wrote:
“This Christmas season we give thanks for our nation’s abundant blessings. In the spirit of gratitude for our natural and historic treasures found from sea to shining sea, this year’s theme highlights America’s national parks. From breathtaking landscapes to important historical sites, generations have marveled at God’s magnificent creation and cherished memories of visits to these special places.”
– George W. Bush | Laura Bush

I mean really? Come on. BARF. Bush may appreciate beauty in nature (who doesn't?) but his environmental record shows that he's selling out on our national parks, infiltrating them with private vendors, cutting critical funding, opening ways for oil drilling and new roads... the list goes on. In fact NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) has a nice list of Bush's environmental record with national parks online.

whose words to believe?

Me, Savannah, Sam and Matt at The Melting Pot - an awesome fondue restaurant - for Savie's 13th birthday! (I had to blot out Savie's friend because her mom didn't want her photo on the internet - sorry it looks funny!)

Right now I have a house full of girls screaming at the top of their lungs, wrestling and having fun. It's my daughter's party and we're celebrating her 13th birthday, which was this past week (photos above from our family dinner party on her actual bday). Today, we went ice skating earlier and had pizza and cake and all that. Now it's about time to settle down and watch a movie.

Life has been interesting the past few weeks. Anxiety over the submission and negotiation of selling my book (proposal) has been crazy, and I will have some firm news early next week. Well I have some news now, but I don't want to reveal any details until papers are signed and all that jazz. It's not over 'til the contracts are signed!

I've struggled a bit lately with wondering why amidst all the positive feedback I receive from friends, my kids and their friends, random blog visitors, and family, I still fret over the very few times I get people who say things like "what an idiot" or who disappear and leave me questioning what I did wrong. Was it something I said? Some stupid thing that was mis-interpreted? Was I actually an idiot? (quite possible!) ;) But is that unforgivable? I guess I live in a world where I imagine that friends are friends for life, and that pretty much all offenses (especially minor annoyances) are forgivable and work-through-able. But I have found that is not a common way. I'm grateful that I have been able to find so many wonderful friends who do believe like I do, and who I would do anything for. But I always feel weakened by rejection, which I'm sure relates to the abandonment issues of my childhood. I need to truly integrate into my heart that my worth comes from God's love for me and not from the approval of anyone... yet at the same time it's reassuring to know that I have made a difference in the lives of my friends and that there are people who respect and admire what I do. It lifts me up and brightens my life.

I decided to make a "wall of love" for my office where I'll have photos of my friends and printed out statements that they've written to me over the years. Here are just a few from the last couple weeks:

• You are a treasure in my life!
  
• You are just the coolest friend! excuse me now I have to go cry tears of appreciation.....
  
• You are such a vibrant, glowing soul, smart, creative, a good friend to your friends, hugely curious about the wide world—and so incredibly talented!
  
• Sending you a big hug girlfriend along with a pint of yer fav ice cream (or soy ice cream?) I feel your pain Wendee, I really do. It's a painful rollercoaster, this believing in ourselves and putting ourselves out there.
  
• You are incredible, and rejection and abandonment issues should not be on your radar.
  
• Wendee, you are such a blessing to me. I hope you're taking some time for yourself and also not being too hard on yourself, in terms of loneliness, stress, anything. You're awesome -- great writer, neat person, cool woman, good friend, beautiful soul. I'm totally grateful for you.

I choose to believe these words as manna from heaven, gifts from God through my friends. I choose to believe the good and not the negative voices and the rejection, though I do try to learn lessons and always ask what I could do differently or to have a different outcome. I am going to watch a movie with the kiddos now. Love and light and laughter to all!

Savannah at her birthday party tonight. This is the mint bonbon cake that I made - yum!
Horseplaying tonight before we headed out for ice skating.

only love

Only love can make it rain
The way the beach is kissed by the sea
Only love can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers laying in the fields
...
Love can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high

- Love Reign O'er Me by The Who, Quadrophenia

My dad recently shared these lyrics and though I've heard the song a hundred times in my youth, it's been some time now. What beautiful lyrics. And they go on...

I recently watched the movie Gandhi which was released when I was in middle school (1982) and I never watched it, but always wanted to. What a powerful story Gandhi has, and what a great movie. I am particularly taken by his stance on non-violent resistance. Could another person like Gandhi arise today, amidst all the bloodshed and hatred? I'm not sure. Looking at the way Jesus died rather than fight, I'm inclined to wonder if absolute non-violence is actually the Christian calling, which humanity has fallen far short of. I don't have any answers, only questions. And more than a little bit of sadness at the state of the world. It's easy for me to sit here and say "Where does all this anger and hatred come from?" but I'm not living in extreme poverty with my children, friends, parents, relatives murdered before me as some in warring nations have over their lifetimes. I only know that anger and hatred and revenge can never be the solutions.

Some of the things Gandhi said in the movie, which may not be exact quotes from his life, which moved me include:

"The only devils are those in our own hearts, and that's where the battles should be fought."

"I am willing to die for this cause, but there is no cause for which I am willing to kill."

"Through our pain that we suffer, we will let them see their injustice."

"Truth is God, and God is truth."

"Love is the strongest force the world possesses, and yet it is the humblest imaginable."

I've been feeling a bit discombobulated lately. It's a big transition time for me and some decisions that are out of my hands are causing me to postpone other decisions that will depend on that outcome. It's crazy making time... it's not always easy to let go and let God.