quietude

Mount Rainier National Park, Washington
(c) 2005 Wendee Holtcamp

I’m sitting in my backyard enjoying the quietude, drinking a banana soy smoothie and eating a wrap. I feel peaceful and content in my soul right now. I just got back from the gym where I did Pilates and then meditated in the steam room. Urpppp, back up. (ROFLOL when I reread that it read like I had urped up my food or something - ha ha!! I mean to say, I need to back up in my story!) So...I joined the gym! I hadn’t been a member since my divorce. I have been running instead because it’s “free” but finally I feel like I can afford to join the gym again. So many of my friends go there, and several teach there, so it will help motivate me. My kids are members too! The Pilates was amazing, and I feel that sort of yoga-high I get when you really work the muscles but in a stretchy, peaceful way. I loved the instructor, she had this beautiful smile and a gorgeous accent and this fun and peaceful demeanor about her. In my life I’ve met a few people like this who just radiate. Liz Gilbert seemed like this when I saw her on Oprah. I have always wanted to be like that. I think that it comes from being in a state of internal peace. I‘ve had that peace a few times in my life but mostly I’m always struggling, questioning, stretching, wandering. I hope that through meditation and focus and prayer I can get to that state too. I want inner bliss, calm and joy as a state of mind, and I want to be able to pass that along to other people just by being me. I want to not have my mental state dependent on outcome or circumstance, but on a peace that passes understanding.

I finished my article, and trying to work on another project and still feeling the pull of the lazy child artist inside. I recall how somewhere I read recently, maybe in the Snow Leopard, that when butterflies emerge from a cocoon they have to sit still and let their wings dry. If they rush off into frenetic activity, or get all cramped up, their wings will dry funky, or tear. So I’m trying to be gentle with myself and know that I’m emerging from a cocoon, I’m in a new state, and I need to proceed slowly, cautiously, patiently. Hard for someone who can be very impetuous!

I thought I’d share this really awesome soup that I love to make but my kids think is disgusting. I don’t really have a recipe but it is something I make after every lemonade cleanse I do, but I just make it now and then anyway. I fill a crock pot ¾ full with filtered water and then throw in whatever veggies I have on hand – either fresh or frozen. This time I put some lima beans and spinach and then a little of the frozen veggie pulp I save from my juicer (which is carrot-apple-cucumber-spinach-celery-ginger aka Dr Oz’ glass of fresh!). Then I add maybe 1/3 cup of quinoa. Add 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp curry, 1 tsp tumeric, 1 tsp cumin, and some cayenne to taste. I love it really super spicy but this time I forgot the cayenne! Then let it cook for like 8 hours. Then when you serve it up, top with chopped fresh tomatoes and cilantro. Yummmmm!!! Super healthy and super low-cal. I told Savie the other day that I was full but hungry and did she ever get like that? She said, “That’s because you eat rabbit food!” LOL. Apparently that is Harry Potter lingo for vegetarian fare.