On the Alanis song, "You Owe Me Nothing in Return" which I included the lyrics to a few blog posts ago, this is obviously an idealized form of love - one I strive for. Not sure if it can be achieved but I love this song. I love Alanis! Her new album, Flavors of Entanglement, comes out Jun 10 in the US, Jun 2 internationally! I've already pre-ordered the DVD/CD combo...
Alanis is someone I look up to very much in terms of her artistic talent, her self expressiveness, and ability to look inward and self-criticize and grow and then use this as part of her muse. I relate very much to that model. I also like when people can look inward, and believe that ultimately that is the only way. We can set boundaries, and tell others that we will not or can not live with a certain behavior, but ultimately it's their choice to change or not, but we can choose whether we are willing to live with it, or to leave and end that relationship.
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye."
- Luke 6:41-42 NKJV
Notice it does say that once we remove the plank from our eye, we CAN see clearly to help others. I believe that is important because I do believe there are people who have gone through some lessons and can teach and encourage others in those areas, even as they/we still have places to learn in other areas of life. We all can learn from one another - what a beautiful thing if it happens!
But I've found that those who still have planks in their eyes often still point the finger at others, and refuse to look inward or listen to wisdom of others, or are selective in who they listen to.
OK this is sort of a different subject but was thinking about personality temperaments etc. I am an ENFP (Meyers Briggs Temperament Sorter) - Teacher-Idealist, also called The Giver. Oprah is one also. I think this is why I express and love to share the things I've learned and read about. Lots of people like to read the blog and say they enjoy it but... it doesn't always work when you're in a one-on-one situation! LOL. I on the other hand, love constructive criticism. How else will I see myself from another person's perspective if they don't tell me? I can try to see what my flaws could be, but unless someone tells me I am only still looking through colored-glasses skewed by my own perspective. Plus the dynamics of any friendship and relationship depend so much on our pasts, family history, issues that bother us, etc. What bothers one person may not bother another at all! Here's the paragraph from the Meyers Briggs Foundation page:
ENFJ: Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.
And here's another page at the Meyers-Briggs Foundation site that describes the ENFJ/Teacher.
Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time-and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.
Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones.
Here's a link to the place where you can take your own test. There are several different versions - look under the heading "Jung Tests I-E S-N F-T J-P" in the right column. I know I took a long one but can't remember if it was the 70-question Word test, or the Jung + Enneagram (108 q's). It was a while ago. Take the test and tell me what you are! :)